Remember Me
by HumansRSuperior
Summary: Takes place very shortly after PKW. Aeryn caught a serious case of Heat Delirium while on a Commerce Planet with Noranti. The side effects of Heat Delirium are memory loss, and Crichton discovers that Aeryn's forgotten the last four cycles.
1. Default Chapter

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe)  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**Author's Note:** Ok, first thing I have to say is that the idea for this story came from a friend of mine. She told me the idea and asked me to write it for her. So all credit goes to her! Thank HER for this FABULOUS idea! Now technically, this isn't my first Farscape fic, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it is because my other one I started, no one has read and has been put on pause since I'm writting this one right now. So...this is my first, so BE NICE! Originally, I wasn't going to post this until I was at least half way done with it, but I've written fanfictions before and so I'm too use to having constant feedback for every chapter. Right now I've only gotten through half of chapter 2 written. Oh yeah, and just a little warning...this isn't exactly....a happy story...there's no death but um...yeah ok I've said enough! Oh yeah, my spellcheck is broken, so there may be little grammar or spelling mistakes that I missed. I had to read it over like 10 times to make sure I didn't miss any, but I still might've so please forgive me for any you come across!

So anyways, on with the story!

**PROLOGUE**

**She stepped out of **the transport pod onto the hard sand. Wincing against the bright sunlight, she was already regretting that she had come. Looking over at the old woman, she said in an irritated voice, "This better be quick."

Noranti dismissed the comment with a small wave of her hand. "Oh it won't take long at all. All we need is -"

"Medicines and food." Aeryn finished for her. She had heard it ten times already.

With a sigh, she was beginning to wish she had let her husband do this instead. He had insisted on it, but she had refused. Since demanding it wasn't working, he had tried to reason with her.

_**"What if he gets hungry? I can't breast-feed him ya know!"**_

_**"That's what the baby food is for." She reminded him.**_

_**John wrinkled his nose. "But he won't eat that stuff. He hates it."**_

_**"Then just force it down his throat." Aeryn said with a shrug.**_

_**"Aeryn, you can't force a baby to eat something."**_

_**"Look, I just fed him and he's asleep. I'll only be gone for an arn at most."**_

She squinted as she scanned the horizon. Already she could feel sweat breaking out on her forehead. Frell, she hadn't expected it to be this hot. She knew there were three suns, but two were on the other side of the planet by this time of day. She didn't think one sun would be this extreme. This better not take any longer than an arn.

John had agreed.

_**"I'll be counting the minutes." He slid his arms around her waist from behind. "Any longer and you're gonna get it."**_

_**She smiled. "Oh really? I doubt that."**_

_**"Don't." He muttered, sniffing her hair.**_

_**"Whatever you do to me, I'm sure I'll enjoy it."**_

_**John let out a small groan. "Hurry up and get outta here so you can come back."**_

Placing her hand on her pulse pistol, Aeryn said to Noranti, "Let's hurry up and get this over with."

"Yes, yes." Noranti agreed enthusiastically. "Now remember, we need to find -"

"I know what we need!" Aeryn snapped. This heat was already getting to her. She wiped the sweat off her forehead and began walking towards the settlement. "Let's just go get what we need and get off this frelling planet."

Once they reached the settlement, it took them a quater of an arn to find a shop with the correct medicines Noranti needed. Inside the building was even hotter and stuffier than outside, and Aeryn was getting tired of listening to the old woman demanding lower prices. She decided to go buy the food while Noranti dealt with the medicine, otherwise this would take well over an arn.

"Noranti!" Aeryn barked it out so that her voice could be heard over the merchant and Noranti's angry voices. Once Aeryn had the old lady's attention, she said, "I'm going to locate a place where I can get the food we need. Meet me back at the transport pod, and don't get into any trouble."

Noranti nodded her head vigorously. "Yes, yes. Fine." She didn't seem to be paying very much attention at all to Aeryn.

Aeryn didn't really care though. And as she left the shop, part of her hoped the crazy woman would get in trouble so she could leave her behind.

She walked along the street looking for a place that sold anything but food cubes and moldy fruit. She had so badly wanted to get off Moya and stretch her legs, but now she had a growing longing to go back. Remembering John's reaction to such an excuse to leave made her smile.

_**He tightened his arms around her waist. "Why do you have to go?"**_

_**"Because we need supplies."**_

**_"No, I mean why _**you****

_**"Because Chiana is in no condition to do anything yet, Rygel won't go, not that I'd trust him anyway, and I definetly do not trust Noranti to be able to take care of herself incase she gets in trouble." She leaned back into his warm chest and closed her eyes. "Besides, I wouldn't mind getting off Moya for a while."**_

_**She felt John's body go stiff and he snapped his head up away from her neck. "You don't want to stay here with me?" He asked softly into her ear, his lips brushing against her skin and sending shivers down her back.**_

_**"I would ask you to come, but you have to stay and watch our son."**_

_**"He's asleep."**_

_**"He might wake up."**_

_**"Chiana can take care of him."**_

_**She shook her head. "You know she's not up for a task like that yet, John."**_

_**John replied with a quiet moan and slipped his hands under her shirt and across her stomach. "Stay."**_

His warm touch seemed like a distant memory from down here. His plea to stay had sounded good at the time, but now it sounded irresistable and she hated herself for not complying. Well, she'd be back soon. Then she could let him know how much she regretted leaving him to come to this stupid planet.

Aeryn took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She rubbed a hand across her burning forehead again to wipe away the hot sweat. It was dangerously hot down here and she knew she couldn't stay for much longer. She needed to find the food she was here to get and get back to the transport pod where the temperature was normal. Hopefully the food wouldn't be too hard to find. And for the love of Cholak, Noranti had better not be getting herself into any trouble.


	2. Chapter One

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe)  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that

**CHAPTER ONE**

**He practically threw himself** down on the bed. He closed his eyes and let out a deep and heavy sigh that almost hurt. He's had plenty of rest and he hasn't been working on anything, but he was bored out of his mind and that made him tired.

For once, there was nothing to do on Moya. Nothing. Normally he'd be enjoying it to the full, but Aeryn was gone on that stupid planet. And the one arn she had promised it would take was dragging on like it had no end. He tried to occupy himself, he tried everything, but nothing worked. Pilot proved of very little use in conversation, Chiana wanted nothing but to be left alone, doing nothing was better than spending time with Rygel, there was no work that needed doing on Moya, and Little D was sound asleep. He tried playing chess, but that got boring before the game even really started. He took a look at his module but there was no work to be done there. He had glanced at the TV Aeryn bought him from Earth, but quickly dismissed the idea. Just the thought of watching TV was boring. So there was nothing to do and he didn't even feel like doing anything.

All he wanted was Aeryn.

He thought back to before she left, and remembered how good it felt to have her in his arms.

_**He continued to run his hands over her stomach. "Stay." He whispered again.**_

_**"Don't tempt me." She said softly.**_

_**John smiled. "Why not? It'll get me what I want."**_

_**"Do you want food or not?"**_

_**"It can wait."**_

_**"We have nothing but stale food cubes left, and this is the only commerce planet around for at least seven solar days. I have to go."**_

_**John gently nudged her neck with his nose and slid his hands down to rest on her hips. Aeryn turned to face him. His eyes were half closed and the blue orbs beneath sparkled with love and want. **_

_**"I'll hurry back." She whispered against his mouth.**_

_**He gave her his grin that she so loved before drawing her in for a long, warm kiss.**_

The silence and solitude he was in the middle of suddenly seemed to be a heavy weight pressing down on him. Just the memory of the scent of her hair or the feel of her skin made his chest tighten in longing. God, he missed her so much already. She had better be getting back soon. How long has it been anyway? He cursed at himself for losing track of time. Surely it had been at least an arn! It felt like it had been well over two.

Just then Chiana's voice broke through the silence and his thoughts. It was the first time he had heard her voice in the last few days. "Hey Crichton."

John lifted his head up from the pillows to look at her. "Hey Pip, what's up?"

She stared at him, seeming hesitant. She licked her lips before she answered. "Um...it's um..." She slowly let out a trembling breath before continuing. "It's...Aeryn, she's uh, she's back."

He instantly sprang off the bed and nearly lost his balance when he landed on his feet. He would have bolted out of the room, but Chiana snagged his arm.

"Crichton...wait..."

"What Chiana?" John tried to keep his voice polite, but for God's sake Aeryn was back! So his desperation and impatience was apparent in his voice.

Chiana hesitated again, looking at him like she was almost scared. "There's uh...there's..." She swallowed. "There's a problem."

His bubbling excitement died in that instant. For a few seconds he seemed frozen, not thinking and not breathing. Then an explosion went off in his head and questions, possibilities and worst nightmares were bouncing off the walls of his brain.

Closing his eyes he took in a very slow and shaky breath. He was afraid to ask. Opening his eyes again, he set his stare hard on Chiana's scared and nervous form. "What, Chiana? What's the problem? Just, please tell me Aeryn is not hurt."

"N-no, she's fine."

John's shoulders relaxed and he sighed with strong relief. Aeryn's back, she's okay, she's not hurt; he let that spread over him and relax his tense muscles. Suddenly he felt angry at Chiana for doing that to him.

She spoke before he could. "But there's...there's something else..."

Everything instantly snapped back, shoving all the joy and relief away. His blue eyes were cold as he stared her straight in the eye. "What is it?"

Chiana nervously licked her lips and swallowed, preparing herself to tell him. "Aeryn, she uh...down on the planet...sh-sh-she uh, she got heat delirium."

It took no time at all for that to sink in. "_What?" _John roared as he took one big step forward, causing Chiana to stumble back.

"It-it's okay though!" She stammered. "N-Noranti fixed it, Aeryn's cured."

Another heavy exhale shook his body and he rubbed at his eyes. "Damn it, Chiana, stop doing that!" He looked at her again, his eyes already red from rubbing them. "What the hell is the problem then?"

He wasn't completely relieved. Heat delirium was serious and John didn't exactly trust that Noranti cured Aeryn. There's never been a cure. He had worry pounding throughout his body and he wanted to see if Aeryn was truly okay. And with the addition of missing her so badly and desperately wanting her to come back made him more impatient.

"You...you remember what the side effects are?" Chiana asked.

Realization at what she was trying to say slapped him hard in the face. His chest stung with pain from holding his breath. "Chiana," John took in a deep breath again and tried to stop his body from shaking so much. "Just tell me...how bad is it?"

"She doesn't remember us, Crichton. She's forgotten...everything."

**He remembered the last **time she had heat delirium. When she was cured, she had small gaps in her memory. She still remembered everything, where she was, who they all were. She remembered him. He couldn't imagine her memory lacking the last four cycles. That wasn't short term memory loss or small gaps, that was full out amnesia. Her latest case of heat delirium must have been very serious, and he desperatly wanted to know how it happened.

Of course he knew that she would get her memory back. But that would take time, a _lot_ of time. And waiting through that was going to be hell and it was going to hurt. Just the thought of it hurt. When Chiana told him that Aeryn had forgotten everything from the last four cycles, he felt like he'd been kicked in the groin. And from here on out, when Aeryn starts to remember things, it was going to be a roller coaster, a very emotional one. For both of them.

Most of the last four cycles he wanted to forget. So many things happened, things that he didn't want to remember or ever experience again. He knew it was the same for all of them. But Aeryn was going to go through it all over again, each new memory would affect her like it had just happened. She was going to relive all the pain and death and sorrow, and she was going to take the rest of them along with her.

John's stride was swift and powerful as he made his way to the medical bay. Part of him wanted to run, but he knew he needed to be calm and try to prepare himself for what was to come.

Once the door to the medical bay was in view, he heard raised voices...or at least one very angry and commanding voice along with the fearfilled stammers of an older, weaker one. He smiled faintly; poor ol' Grandma had to deal with Peacekeeper Officer Aeryn Sun. As soon as that title went through his mind, his smile vanished.

He slowed his pace and carefully looked in the room. Aeryn had her pulse pistol drawn and aimed at Noranti. "Where the frell am I? And who the frell are you?" Aeryn was shouting.

John had thought he was pretty well prepared, but he found himself stunned at the scene. This Aeryn was like a very faint memory, another lifetime. She had gone so far since then, she had changed so much. And he had been happy knowing that she'd never be like that again, that it was him who changed her. But now she was right back to where she started.

Noranti smiled at Aeryn. "You're on a ship, a leviathan named Moya -"

John cut in. "Noranti."

Both woman looked at him. Instantly Aeryn had her pulse pistol pointed at him.

"That is Crichton." Noranti said cheerfully to Aeryn. "He's your -"

"Grandma!" John snapped.

"He's my what?" Aeryn asked impatiently.

Before the old woman could say anything, John said coldly, "Come here."

Once she reached him she tried to explain in a hushed voice. "Aeryn's lost her memory and I'm only trying to explain -"

He cut her off. "Granny, go and talk to Chiana." She opened her mouth to protest but he didn't even let her start. "Just _go._ Let me handle this."

She looked at Aeryn once more before slightly bowing to them both and left.

"What's going on? Who are you?" Aeryn demanded, now glaring at John with her pulse pistol still aimed at him.

John looked at her, biting down hard on his lower lip. He studied her and already felt deep sorrow knotting up in his stomach. His own wife, the love of his life, was asking him who he was. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to do this.

"Rank and regiment."

"What?"

"_Rank_ and _regiment_." She repeated in a colder voice.

It was Day One all over again. Except this time she didn't beat the crap out of him and then sit on him.

John shook his head. "I don't have a rank, or a regiment."

"You're a Peacekeeper. You have to have a rank and regiment."

"No, actually I'm not a Peacekeeper."

Aeryn tensed up again. "If you're not a Peacekeeper, then why are you dressed like one?"

He looked down at his leather clothing and shrugged. "It's a style."

She looked completely disgusted and disgraced by what he had just said. But she shook it off and asked again in a more menacing tone, "Where am I and how did I get here?"

John only stared at her, not knowing what to say. He thought he'd be able to handle this, or at least suck it up until later. But he was already hurting, he could feel it swelling in his chest. He reminded himself that he had to be strong. For Aeryn's sake.

"You're on a leviathan named Moya." He said in answer to her question.

"And why am I here? How did I get here?"

"You -" He stopped and ran his hand over his mouth. How was he going to explain this? What was he supposed to tell her? Looking at her now, all he wanted to do was hold her. "Aeryn -"

She nearly jumped at the mention of her name. Her dark eyes become daggers. "How do you know my name? Who _are_ you?"

"My name is John Crichton. I'm...I'm a friend." It was a lot harder to say that than he thought it would be.

"I've never seen you before and I've never heard your name. You're not even a Peacekeeper. You're no _friend_." She said the last word with a sneer that sent chills down his spine.

He pursed his lips in thought, wondering how he was going to do this. Aeryn was always stubborn, especially in the early stage she's reverted back to now. And that was when she knew who he was, now he was a total stranger, an enemy. Just getting her to listen to him was going to require a lot of effort...and strength.

"What's the last thing you remember?" He asked suddenly.

Aeryn's brow furrowed, and he could see her hands squeeze tighter around her pulse pistol. "What are you talking about?"

"Your memory. What's the last thing you remember?"

If it were at all possible, her cold eyes hardened even more and he could almost feel the pierce of her glare. "This is a trap." She shook her head. "It's not going to work."

"It's not a trap."

"Oh, right. And I'm supposed to believe anything _you_ say?"

"Look, the last thing I want to do is play mind games with you."

"Well whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work!" She spat it out, nearly causing John to jump back. "Do you honestly think I'll tell you anything about myself?"

He sighed and softly shook his head. "No, I didn't think you would. So I'll do it for you." He really didn't want it to come to this, he didn't want to have to do this, but there was no other choice. He fixed his stare on hers and stood erect. "You're Officer Aeryn Sun, Peacekeeper, prowler pilot. You love flying and you hate it when you're reassigned. Your mother visited you one night when you were a kid and told you she loved you. Velorek, first guy you've ever had feelings for, maybe loved him. He told you that you could be more than a Peacekeeper, he wanted to defect and take you with him. But you got scared and turned him in -"

"_Stop!_" Her eyes were squeezed shut as she roared at him. When she opened them again, he thought he might've seen a hint of tears. "How do you know all that?"

John could see she was hiding her pain. He was hurting himself for having to do that to her, for having to scare her and open old wounds. But it got him want he wanted, it got her to listen.

"I'll tell you, if you'll listen." He kept his eyes locked with hers, not backing down, showing strength, having control.

Aeryn stood still, regarding him cautiously and unsure. Finally, with a curt nod, she said, "Tell me."

John let out a smooth and silent breath of relief. "All right. Tell me the last thing you remember before you woke up here."

"No." She said firmly, shaking her head. "No, I'm not telling you anything."

"Look, you gotta work with me here. I need to know what you last remember."

"_Why?_"

He stared at her, hands on his hips. At first he wasn't sure what to say. But he knew her, she never liked to have something told to her slow and sugar coated, she always wanted the flat out truth, the facts. And he would give it to her.

"Fine. You want the truth? Truth is you're suffering from temporary memory loss. Side effect of heat delirium."

"Heat delirium?" Aeryn repeated, her voice edged just slightly with fear.

John nodded. "You caught it when you were on a commerce planet. But we managed to stop it before it got too serious...before the Living Death."

"So you...cured me?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes."

Aeryn was shaking her head vigorously. "You're lying. There's no cure for heat delirium."

"Look, you're -" John stopped and took in another breath. "D'you feel tired, weak, a little dizzy?"

She hesitated. "Yes...how did you -"

"It's because you're still recovering. You need rest, and you haven't had any." Aeryn didn't say anything, so he went on. "Anyway, we cured you. And now you're...you're going through the side effects. You should start to remember things...soon."

John watched her, waiting for a response. For a while, she only stared at him with an expression of mixed emotions. And then quite suddenly Aeryn errupted with strong laughter, scaring him back a couple steps.

Aeryn looked back at him, shaking her head. "You expect me to believe that pile of dren?" Her voice was filled with chuckles.

"No...no I didn't expect you to believe me." John said sadly. "But it's the truth."

"You're going to have to do better than that! I'm not an idiot!" The laughter in her voice was now replaced with venom. And she looked insulted and angry.

"Listen Aeryn, it adds up. You're not feeling well, I know everything about you, and you have memory loss -"

"I do not have memory loss! This is some kind of trick! You're frelling with me!"

"Aeryn, why the hell would I do that?"

"I don't know, I can only guess! Why don't you tell me?" John didn't reply, he just gazed at her, hurt and sorrow sparkling in his eyes and flickering across his face. His pain-filled expression slightly threw her off; it was strange and confusing. She shook it off. "I want off this ship." She said it like it was an order, a command.

John shook his head. "I'm not letting you go anywhere."

He knew it was coming, and he dived out of the way of the pulse pistol just in time. There were a couple more close behind him as he scrambled for cover behind a stack of crates. He pulled out Winona; of course he wasn't going to use her against Aeryn, but he could make Aeryn think otherwise. But when he sprang to his feet, breathing hard, ready for action...she was gone.

"_Damn!_"

**"Pilot! Where is she?"** John called into his comms as he sprinted down the corrider, Winona in hand.

"Readings say that she is on the same tier as you, Commander." Pilot responded. "She is very close to you now."

At that, John immediatly slowed down. Take it slow, be careful. This is not loving wife Aeryn, this is Peacekeeper Officer Aeryn Sun, and she would shoot to kill.

He had Winona up and ready as he cautiously made his way around a bend in the passageway. Adrenaline was pumping through him and he was ready for anything she'd throw at him. But instead of finding Aeryn, he found her comms device discarded on the floor. John picked it up and cursed.

"Pilot, Aeryn's thrown away her comms. Is there any other way you can track her?"

"I could send some DRDs to look for her."

"Good, do that. But make sure she doesn't see them. I just wanna know where she's at so I can go get her myself."

"Yes Commander."

John turned around and saw Chiana approaching him with little D'Argo craddled in her arms. At the sight of his son, John felt his stomach clench. Little D was going to be motherless for the next couple days at least. That could be a problem. Not only that, but he could not let Aeryn find out about their child until her memory is completely recovered. Otherwise...well, he really didn't want to go there.

"Hey old man." Chiana said in greeting. "How'd it go?"

"Not good at all." He answered with a shake of his head.

She eyed his drawn pulse pistol. "Did she shoot at you?"

John looked at Winona before holstering her. "Yeah, but I was expecting it. Right now she's the typical Peacekeeper Aeryn she was when I first met her."

"That doesn't make it easier, Crichton."

That was true. Being shot at by the woman he loved more than anything in the universe wasn't the best feeling.

"How's my little guy?" John asked, reaching out for his son.

Chiana carefully eased the baby into John's arms. "Best behaved baby in the Uncharted Territories." She said with a small smile.

"Well that's not gonna last for long. Not without Aeryn to..." His voice faded out as he gazed at his child.

Chiana watched him. She could see right through him, she could see his pain. And as he stood there with D'Argo held carefully against his chest, she saw the father and husband in him, so warm and loving. And he was hurting.

She reached out and turned his face so she could lock eyes with him. "Hey, I'll watch after him until Aeryn gets her memory back. I won't let anything happen to him, I promise."

John smiled faintly but appreciatively at her. "Thanks Chi." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead before handing a sleeping D'Argo back to her. He leaned down to speak softly to his son. "Hey Little D, you be nice to Chiana. She's gonna be you're baby-sitter for a while. Don't worry, Mommy will be back soon. And I'll come to see you to make sure you're not causing any trouble for Pip." Then he kissed D'Argo softly on the forehead.

"Commander!"

John looked up at nothing in particular. "Yeah Pilot? You find Aeryn yet?"

"No, but a distress signal has been sent from Moya to a Peacekeeper Command Carrier!"

John's spine snapped completely upright in alarm. "_What?_"

"I managed to stop the signal before it got out." Pilot said.

John squeezed the bridge of his nose with the tips of his fingers. "Good boy, Pilot. Keep that up."

"Aeryn?" Chiana asked.

He nodded. "She thinks we've captured her."

"What're you gonna do?"

"First I'm gonna stop her from calling the Peacekeepers, then..." He shook his head. "Then I don't know. Hopefully she'll start getting some of her memory back. At least she'd know where she is and who we are."

"How long will it take for her to fully recover?"

"A couple days, maybe more."

Pilot's voice came over the comms again. "Commander, another signal has been sent!"

"Did you stop it Pilot?" John asked.

"Barely, some of it might've still gotten through."

"Do you know where on Moya it came from this time?"

"From Command." Pilot replied.

John pulled out Winona. "All right, I'm on my way."

**His chest burned from **his small, half held in breaths. Winona felt slippery in his hand and sweat was gathering on his brow. It was dark up here, and it was starting to get hot.

Aeryn had barricaded the door to Command, preventing him from entering. But Pilot had told him to use Moya's air duct conduits. John had scrambled through the tight passages, constantly asking Pilot for directions. And finally he reached his destination, and from there he watched Aeryn.

She had sent three more transmissions. He didn't know if Pilot caught them or not, he couldn't ask without Aeryn hearing him. Now she was taking apart one of the control panels. He knew that wasn't good, but he didn't know what to do. She would wipe his ass across the floor in hand to hand combat, even when still recovering from heat delirium. She had done that to him before, and that was when she ws trying her hardest to not hurt him. He could set Winona's power setting to the lowest level possible, which would only knock Aeryn off balance and sting really badly. That would be enough to let him get in close and knock her cold. But he didn't like the idea of shooting her.

No more wasting time. He'd have to think on his feet.

John dropped down into the room, landing with a loud _thud._ Aeryn instantly had her pulse pistol out, as did he, and they stood at a face off.

He licked his lips nervously. "Aeryn stop what you're doing."

"You'll have to kill me first." Aeryn said coldly.

"Aeryn, you don't know what you're doing."

"Oh I know _exactly_ what I'm doing." She had a smile on her face that made his insides churn. "I'm putting this leviathan back where it's suppose to be, which is in Peacekeeper captivity."

"And what makes you think that's where we belong?"

"This leviathan is the one that escaped from Captain Crais. Everyone here is an escaped prisoner. And _you_, you are a disgrace. You helped them; you took out the guards, released them from their cells, and showed them how to get the control collar off. You are a traitor!"

"Damn it woman! I already told you I am not a Peacekeeper!"

Aeryn looked unconvinced. "I don't know who you are or how you know so much about me, but you're getting in the way and you're frelling annoying."

This time he didn't make it. The pulse blast hit him in the thigh and he shouted out. With one hand he clasped at the wound while the other held Winona with a death grip. He grunted through clamped teeth as he sank to the floor. He'd never actually been hit by a pulse blast; it hurt like _hell._

Aeryn now stood next to him, holding her gun with both hands and the barrel close to his head. John looked from the gun barrel up at her, his eyes red-rimmed and teary. She hesitated, stricken by his pain-filled expression.

"Aeryn..." His voice was just above a whisper, and it sounded as though he were choking back tears. "Don't do this."

Her lips parted and her brow slightly creased. Suddenly John slammed his hand into hers, sending her pulse pistol flying up in the air. She stumbled back, surprised the sudden action. But before she could retaliate, John kicked at her ankle as hard as he could, causing her to collapse and hit the floor hard. Aeryn scrambled to stand, but John climbed on top of her, pinning her down. He gripped her wrists and pressed his body weight harder into her as she struggled against him, shrieking in anger and frustration, eyes blazing with hate and fury.

John swiftly hit the butt of his pulse pistol against Aeryn's head, and her body went limp beneath him. He stared at her for a while, breathing hard, before releasing her wrists to gently brush the hair from her face. He kissed her softly on the lips, and brushing his nose across hers, he said quietly. "I'm sorry, Aeryn."

**Noranti let out a **yelp when John shoved her against the wall. "What the hell happened on that planet? How the hell did Aeryn get heat delirium?" He was angry, more than he'd ever been, and his tone of voice was thick with it.

"You're leg, it's wounded, you're bleeding!" Noranti stammered.

"Screw my leg, Noranti!" John pushed her harder against the wall. "Tell me what happened _now!_"

"Too long, too long. We were there for too long. It was hot, very hot. Aeryn did not tell me she was overheating. She collapsed in front of the transport pod. I had to find more medicines to try to make an antidote. It took a while, but I found one!"

"And while you were mixing and tasting, Aeryn was getting worse! And you gave her a bunch of crap before you got it right!" He tightened his grasp on her shirt. "Why didn't you comm me?"

Noranti shook her head. "No time, no need. There wasn't anything you would have been able to do anyway."

"My _ass_ there wasn't!" John snarled. He let go of the old woman before he gave into his anger completely.

Chiana came up next to him. "Crichton, you need to let her heal your leg."

"Nu uh." He shook his head. "She ain't touching me."

"Then I'll do it."

"You don't know how, Chiana."

"Wrinkles will tell me how then."

"No."

"Crichton!" Chiana shouted. "You have to let us fix your leg or you'll bleed to death!"

John stared at her, glanced at Noranti then looked back at Chiana. "Fine."

They heard the buzz of Rygel's thronesled as he floated into the room. "Why is Aeryn locked up in a cell?" He asked.

"Stay away from her, Sparky!" John snapped.

Rygel growled. "I only want to know what's going on."

"Not now, Buckwheat. I'll explain later." John said, his voice strained. He was feeling the hot burning of his wound again.

"I want to know what's going on right now!" Rygel insisted.

Chiana glared at the hynerian. "Get out of here now Rygel, before Crichton shoots you!" She smiled a little. "Or maybe I'll do it for him."

Rygel left grumbling.

"Hey Pilot?" John called.

Pilot's image appeared on the clamshell. "Yes Commander?"

"Did any of Aeryn's transmissions get out?"

"Fortunetly no. I was able to block them all."

John nodded. "Good."

"Moya and I are very concerned for Officer Sun." Pilot said sadly.

"We all are, Pilot." Chiana replied.

Pilot's expression was grim. "Wll she be all right?"

"She'll be fine, Pilot." John answered, masking his own concern. "She just needs some rest and she'll start to get her memory back. Make sure the DRDs keep a good eye on her. I'll be down there soon."

"Yes Commander." Pilot's image disappeared.

Chiana returned to John's side and rested her head against his shoulder. "Did Aeryn do this?" She asked weakly, refering to his leg.

He merely nodded. Then he looked down at her and noticed for the first time that she was not holding D'Argo. "Chiana, where's the little guy?"

"Asleep in his bed. I'll go check on him in a microt." She smiled up at him faintly and playfully pinched his nose. "Once I know you're okay."

John returned her small smile. "I'm fine Pip. Grandma will take of me. Now go and make sure my son is staying out of trouble."

Chiana hesitated for a minute, unsure if she should obey. She looked over at Noranti and then back at Crichton before she left.

John inhaled sharply between gritted teeth. He looked down at the blood seeping from his thigh and almost immediately the burning pain increased. "Hurry up and heal this."

Noranti approached him with a bowl of some kind of liquid. As she worked on his leg, she glanced at him once and returned her eyes to her work. "Aeryn will recover."

He looked at her annoyed. "I know."

"It will take time," She continued. "But she will begin to remember. You must have patience."

"I am being patient." John grunted. The liquid she was cleaning his wound with stung like hell.

Noranti nodded. "You are now, yes." She looked up and locked her eyes on his. "But later, it will be difficult."

He looked away from her and said nothing. Once she went back to healing his leg, he closed his eyes and thought back to when he carried Aeryn to a cell.

_**He craddled her against him, holding her gently yet firm. Carefully, he laid her down on the bed. He brushed her dark hair away from her face and stroked her cheek. He saw the darkening patch of skin on her temple from when he hit her. He felt a snag inside him, and he leaned down to kiss the bruise tenderly. "I'm sorry Aeryn, so sorry."**_

_**He gazed at her soft and pale face and tears burned in his eyes. He softly traced her lips with his thumb; and leaning down he stopped just inches from her mouth and whispered, "I love you."**_

_**Aeryn's memory is gone,** she doesn't remember anything, not Moya, not Earth, not Pilot or Chiana or D'Argo, not our child...not me. It's all gone, the last four years wiped away. And it's all because of the stupid heat delirium. For it to be this bad she must've been really close, _too_ close to the Living Death. Maybe she was already there._

_Even though it makes me shiver to imagine how serious it must've been, I really wish I had been there. I should have never let her go to that stupid planet. I should've knocked her out, sat on her, seduced her, anything to make her stay. I dunno, I just shouldn't have let her leave, or I at least should've gone with her._

_I know she'll get it all back, that she'll remember everything. But she may have gaps that weren't there before, or she might start remembering things out of order; that could be bad or good. And for it all to come back, for her to get where she should be is going to take a while. A couple days probably, maybe more. It's just going to be so hard, it already is. To actually see her as a Peacekeeper again hurt so much. And even once she gets past that stage, once she knows who I am, it'll still hurt. Because she won't see me as John her husband, not for a while. She'll see me as Crichton the annoying, inferior species called human; strange, weird, bizarre Crichton; the Crichton she loves but is afraid to act on her feelings with; then two Crichtons; then the other me, John the lover; then it'll be Crichton the clone; isolated and cold Crichton; and finally John her lover and husband. I don't like a lot of those._

_God, I just wanted her to come back so we could continue where we were headed before she left. Now I can't kiss her or hold her, I can't even tell her that I love her. I hope it doesn't take too long for her to get her memory back, because I'm not sure how long I'll be able to handle this. I just want my wife back, I want to tell her how much I love her, I want her to remember me._


	3. Chapter Two

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe )  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**CHAPTER TWO**

**There were voices, **whispering and murmuring, echoing in her head. Some were clear and others were not. And they were all different, different pitches and different emotions. Those she understood she forgot in the next instant what they had said. They all sounded familiar, especially one that was more constant than the rest, more powerful somehow.

Then there was images, flashes of people, places, ships, things she did not understand. And they were so quick that she forgot what each had looked like. She growled to herself inwardly; this was just a game, a trap. A trick being played on her by that sebeacen...he said his name was Crichton?

The name triggered more images to zip across her mind. Some of them she caught, but the others slipped away too quickly. Crichton...John Crichton...Human? Not sebeacen, not Peacekeeper. Erp. Earth? Stupid, annoying, inferior. Ah yes, she remembered him now. The one with compassion, the one who dragged her along with him and the luxan. The one who ruined her life just by being anywhere near her, irreversibly contaminating her. Frelling human.

But then...where did the other piece fit in? She remembered waking up on Moya not having a clue where she was, Crichton was there...and an old woman? He had told her she caught heat delirium, that she was cured, that she was suffereing from memory loss. She hadn't believed him, she got away and sent transmissions to Captain Crais' Command Carrier, stating her case and sending the co-ordinates to Moya's position. Crichton had stopped her...wait a microt, _Crichton_ stopped her? What was going on? When did that happened? She remembered it clearly, but it seemed out of place. A dream? Must be. Crichton could never know all those details about her and he could never defeat her in combat. Just a very frelled up dream.

Aeryn opened her eyes and was startled; this was not her room. She sat up and a sharp pain throbbed in her temple. She touched the tender skin there and the pain increased. Was that hit to the head real? Did that actually happen? And why was she in a cell with the doors closed and locked? Had they betrayed her? Did they decide that she was too dangerous to trust? She scowled; frelling inferior prisoners! After all the help she provided in escaping Captain Crais, they do this to her! Frellnicks.

Standing up, she walked to the doors and looked out; no one in sight. Then she caught sight of two DRDs stationed on the floor right outisde the door. If she did anything, Pilot would know and he would inform the others. They lecutred her on how horrible the Peacekeepers are for keeping them locked up, and now they were doing the same thing to her. Hypocrites. She should have never come with them, she should have never helped them...she should have never helped Crichton. If she hadn't, if she had left him to Crais, she wouldn't be here, on Moya, her life taken from her.

There were footsteps down the corridor and she sent a glare in that direction. It was Crichton, and she noted that he was walking with a slight limp. It looked like his leg had been injured...she remembered shooting him. But that was just a dream, wasn't it?

Once he saw her, he halted. He had that expression he had worn so much in her dream. She didn't understand it and she did not like it, it unsettled her. He swallowed and continued to approach the cell. "You're awake."

"Yes I am. Why am I in here, Crichton?"

He looked a little surprised. "You...you know who I am?"

"Of course I do, you welnitz! You only ruined my life by irreversably contaminating me and bringing me here!" She spat it out more venomously then she had intended too.

It was apparent that her words were a cold slap in the face. Crichton turned his gaze away from her, staring at his feet. His actions confused her. She knew he was weak, inferior, foolish, and _compassionate_, but this display of...emotions? was not something she ever expected to see from him. It was something she had never seen before at all.

"So you remember the last thing that happened?" He was still staring at the floor.

She opened her mouth to reply, but stopped herself short. After a few seconds past and she still did not answer, Crichton looked up at her. Aeryn frowned. "I am...unsure about that." He waited for her to expand, which she didn't want to do because she didn't like sharing anything with him. But despite her reluctance, she went on. "I remember that we escaped Crais' Comand Carrier. And then I remember waking up here on Moya, with no memory of her or of you. I tried to contact Crais," She looked at him again. "I shot you. I thought it was a dream, but -"

"It was real." He interrupted. His voice was firm but she could sense it's slight trembling. "It happened."

"All of it?"

"All of it."

After studying him for a minute, she folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not sure I believe that. There is no cure for heat delirium, Crichton."

"Well, we made one."

She still looked skeptical. "So is that why I'm in here?" Aeryn gestured to the cell. "Because I shot you and tried to contact Crais?"

Crichton nodded. Then he brought his eyes back up to meet hers. "Do you believe me now?"

Aeryn shook her head. "Not quite. I need proof."

"I think I already gave you proof, Aeryn."

It was crystal clear as it flashed across her mind, his voice loud in her ears. **_"You're Officer Aeryn Sun, Peacekeeper, prowler pilot. You love flying and you hate it when you're reassigned. Your mother visited you one night when you were a kid and told you she loved you. Velorek, first guy you've ever had feelings for, maybe loved him. He told you that you could be more than a Peacekeeper, he wanted to defect and take you with him. But you got scared and turned him in!"_**

She shuddered. It was disturbing that he knew so much about her. It puzzled her _how_ he knew, she would never tell him all that. Yet he did know, and only she could've told him. But why would she ever tell him anything about herself? Staring at him now, she wondered how much time and memory the heat delirium had caused her to forget.What had happened between her and the human? Part of her didn't want to know.

"How much have I forgotten, Crichton?" She asked, her voice was unsure and cautious. "How long has it been?"

The look he expressed troubled her greatly. For a while he avoided her eyes. He swallowed, ran his tongue over his lips, glanced at her quickly, then said, "It's been a long time Aeryn."

"_How long_, Crichton?" The tone of her voice was cold and sharp, demanding.

His hesitation and expression made her stomach knott up. He swallowed, and staring at her straight in the eyes, he said. "Four cycles."

Aeryn stared at him as it sunk in. "Four cycles?" She repeated flatly. "_Four cycles_? And I'm still on Moya? And with _you_?" She shook her head as she chuckled. "For the love of Cholak!" She paused, a thought occuring to her. "This can't be real. The most damage that heat delirium can cause is memory gaps or short term memory loss. Four cycles is impossible, Crichton!"

Crichton's eyes seemed to burn with sorrow. "I'm not going to argue with you Aeryn." He waved his hand over the door controls and the doors opened. "You'll believe it once you start to remember things." He held out her comms device and she hesitantly took it. "Take it easy, you still need to recover. You had a pretty bad case of heat delirium."

He gave her a quick sideways glance before he turned and walked away. She stared after him, her brow slightly furrowed. The human confused the yotz out of her.

**John walked away feeling** hollow. He was glad that Aeryn was awake and now knows where she is, but she was still in the Peacekeeper stage. He loved her no matter what, but he was not looking forward to dealing with her "I'm superior to everyone" attitude all over again. And he was most definitly not looking forward to reliving the way she treated him all those years ago. Her newest jab at him almost felt like he'd been run through with a knife.

_**"You only ruined my life by irreversably contaminating me and bringing me here!"**_

Back then, when she would say something like that to him, all he felt was guilt and pity. And he knew that she would've given anything to have her life back. But hearing that now...it stung. Did Aeryn still feel that way about him? He knew she loved him, but did she still think he had destroyed her life and she was only making the best of it? He shook off the thought and told himself not to go there. Aeryn had learned a long time ago to think outside the box and finally saw the Peacekeepers for what they really are.

John entered the center chamber where he found Noranti and Rygel. He sat at the same table as Rygel and popped some food into his mouth.

"Crichton, there you are!" Rygel growled through a mouth full of food. "What the yotz is going on?" He glowered at Noranti. "That witch won't let me go anywhere!"

"You can go where ever you want, Sparky. Aeryn remembers where she's at now."

"What do you mean?"

Noranti cut in. "Aeryn is recovering from a recent case of heat delirium. The side effects are memory loss, and she's forgotten the last four cycles!" She exclaimed it with an enthusiasm that did more than got on John's nerves.

He looked back at Rygel. "Listen Fluffy, you can't say anything about the baby. Not one word, or I swear Buckwheat -"

"Oh don't get so worked up!" Rygel interrupted. "I'm not going to say a thing! It'll only cause all hezmana to break loose! If you want to worry about someone, worry about _her_!" He spat the word out at Noranti.

John glanced at the old woman, then went back to Rygel. "Look just keep your mouth shut about everything. Aeryn needs to remember things on her own, otherwise it'll just cause problems for everybody. And I don't want to scare her."

"Does she even believe what happened to her?" Rygel asked.

"I'm um..." John swallowed. "I'm not sure."

"She will believe it." Noranti said to John, trying to be comforting. "Very soon."

"Yeah." John said with a nod, hoping that was true. He took a quick glance around the room. "Where's Chiana?"

"Probably finding a place to hide that creature of yours!" Rygel grunted distastefully.

John glared at him. "His name is D'Argo, and he's my _son_. Stop talking about him like he's a parasite."

"He _felt_ like a parasite!" Rygel snarled.

John rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'm gonna go check on him and Pip. You two...just be careful around Aeryn."

Noranti watched over her shoulder until he was gone. She turned back to her mixing bowl with a smile.

Rygel eyed her suspiciously. "What the yotz are you smiling about?"

"I'm making something to help Aeryn." She answered in a hushed voice.

"Didn't you hear Crichton? He wants us to leave Aeryn alone!" He scolded.

"Crichton will thank me later."

"No he won't! He'll shoot you out an airlock!"

"No no no no! This will help Aeryn to get her memory back quicker!"

Rygel growled at her and shook his head. "You're completely fahrbot! He's already mad at you for what happened to Aeryn. You're only going to piss him off."

"He will thank me!" She sang cheerfully. "You will see!"

**John didn't even make **it half way to Chiana's baby-sitting spot before Pilot commed him with a heads up that Aeryn was looking for him. He had frozen in his tracks and asked Pilot why; he didn't know.

John wasn't sure what to think of the situation, all he knew was that he had to get as far away from Chiana and D'Argo as possible. He made a bee-line for his quarters, hoping that he wouldn't run into Aeryn along the way. He didn't really want to have to explain why he was running at top speed through the passageways. Suddenly a thought dawned on him and he skidded to a stop. He and Aeryn shared quarters now, all her belongings were in his room. If she saw that...He would have to try to put it all back in her old quarters later, without her noticing.

He bit down on his lip, thinking of a place he could go. He couldn't go to center chamber, that's where Rygel and Noranti were. Command? No, there was nothing to make himself look busy with up there. His module? Bingo. He spun on his heel and headed in that direction. It was far enough away from Chiana and his son, and it was a typical place for him to be.

Once he got there, he grabbed a couple tools and climbed into the module. His head and shoulders were sticking out of the cockpit, as he was sitting on his knees in the seat, facing the back. That's where all the controls were, and he could mess with those and look like he was doing something. Almost as soon as he started fumbling with buttons, his hands began to tremble. He thought it was silly, to be so scared and nervous. It was just Aeryn! Why was he feeling like this? It was because she was looking for him, which meant that she had a reason to talk to him. He was afraid of that reason.

Maybe she noticed that her possessions were missing. Or maybe he did something to piss her off that he didn't know about. That seemed to happen often when he was on Moya for his first year. Maybe Rygel or Noranti slipped and said something, or maybe she say their baby! Or perhaps...maybe she remembered something? He shook his head to himself; that was wishful thinking. He slid his tongue over his lower lip and then chewed on it. What could she want with him?

"Crichton?"

John jolted awake from his thoughts, startled by her voice. He didn't look at her; instead he wiped a shaking hand over his eyes. He cleared his throat and tried to keep a steady voice. "Yeah, what's up?"

"I want..." Aeryn paused, licked her lips and took a deep breath before continuing. "I need to ask you something."

His heart skipped a beat, but he kept his eyes on some switches inside his module. "About what?"

He looked at her when she didn't answer. Her brow was slightly creased, making her look perplexed and frightened. And she was moving something around between her fingers in a hand at her side. Once she noticed that he was watching her, she slipped her Peacekeeper mask back on. "What is this?" She asked, holding the object up for him to see.

John's stomach dropped and his throat went tight. He was frozen, he couldn't breath or move, he couldn't think. It was the ring, the wedding ring. He never took it off her finger, he never even thought about it. It hadn't occured to him at all.

Aeryn was giving him her irritated 'Strange Human' look. "Crichton?"

He finally got his body to start working again. "Uh...yeah..."

"Do you know what this is?" She asked, annoyed at him.

"It's um...it was a gift."

"A gift?" She repeated, surprised. "Someone gave this to me?" Her tone of voice carried some distaste.

John nodded, keeping his eyes away from her. "Yeah."

Aeryn looked at the ring, studying it carefully. He could imagine that she was a little stumped on what to think. Peacekeepers didn't have such things as gifts. "It...must've been from someone...important, for me to wear it...or even keep it at all."

He closed his eyes and bit down on his tongue. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he said quietly, "It was."

After a minute, he heard Aeryn's retreating footsteps. Once he was positive she was gone, he rested his forehead against his module and let the tears that had been burning under his eyelids go free.

**She slammed her padded **fist into the red triangular tower and it bounced back. With her other hand she swung at it, and again it bounced back. Every hit to the punching stand was harder than the last. And between each swing a thousand images flashed across her mind, barely giving her time to even catch a glimpse at any of them. It angered her, so she tried taking it out on the hard red cushion. But with every punch, there seemed to be more images flooding in, quicker than before. Aeryn let out a scream of utter frustration as she slammed all her strength into the tower, knocking it over. She stood there staring at it and breathing hard. Finally feeling some satisfaction and less tense, she turned and began removing her padded gloves. She stopped once she noticed Noranti was in the room.

Aeryn glowered at her and pulled off her gloves. "What are you doing in here, old woman?" She sneered, not at all wanting the old lady there. When Noranti didn't reply, Aeryn rolled her eyes and turned her back to the old woman to finish cleaning up.

Noranti cautiously approached Aeryn and waited silenty, close behind. When Aeryn turned around, Noranti swiftly put her hand out flat, palm up, and blew a powdery, flaky substance into Aeryn's face.

Aeryn's head instantly snapped back. Then she stumbled back, rubbing at her stinging eyes. "Frell!" She yelled angrily, now leaning against the wall. She rubbed harder at her eyes and the stinging slowly faded. She struggled to get her eyes open, and once they were, her breath caught in her chest.

She was no longer in the exercise room, but instead in a small cockpit. It was a very primitive vessel and looked a bit like Crichton's. That was when she sensed someone behind her, _very_ close behind her; strong legs along hers, a warm chest against her back, and soft fingers slowly creeping up her arm.

What the frell? She had tried to voice that, but she found she could not. She couldn't even move to look where she was.

"I like it." A gentle and low voice said from behind. It sounded a bit like Crichton, but his voice carried a tone she had never heard before.

Aeryn did not tell her body to move, yet she found herself twisting around to look at the person behind her. It was Crichton, and this shocked her; why was she in this cramped space at all, and with _him_? And why couldn't she control her voice or body?

"It's not for you to like." She realized that it was her who had spoken. This startled her because she did not recognize her own voice. It was like Crichton's had been, soft and warm, full of...emotion?

"Oh. Then, what's it for?"

"For me to like." There was a light tone to her voice that unsettled her.

Crichton lazily grazed his fingertips over her shoulder and she felt an odd feeling go through her body. She did not recognize this feeling. "And you don't like that, I like it?"

She heard and felt her own voice again. "Personal indulgences can fracture a small crew."

"I will never tell them, that you scented your hair." He whispered.

She was trapped inside her body with no control. Her body leaned toward him, closing the small space between them. She lightly touched her lips to his, carefully sliding her tongue across the roof of his mouth.

In the name of Cholak, what the _frell_ was going on? _Why_ was she even this close to him in this module, and _why_ was she kissing him? What _was_ this? A very bad dream? A delusion of some kind? A memory? She jumped back from that thought as though it had burned her. This could not be a memory, it _couldn't _be! This would never happen! Crichton was not only annoying and weak and emotional, but he wasn't even a sebecean! She wanted out, she wanted it to stop, _now_.

But it didn't stop, and soon she could feel a warm hand on her stomach and another at the base of her head, pulling her closer. She had one of her own arms wrapped around his neck as her tongue dug deeper, exploring his mouth.

And suddenly it stopped. It was just...gone. And there was only black. Slowly her vision and senses returned to her and she was back in the exercise room. She was on her knees now, leaning hard against the wall, and the old woman was kneeling beside her. She was watching Aeryn curiously.

Aeryn found it slightly difficult to breathe and felt a little woozy. "What the frell was that? What did you do to me?"

"I merely helped you to regain some of your memories." Noranti explained with a small smile on her lips.

"You mean that...what just happened...that was _real_?"

"I do not know what it is you experienced. But I can tell you that whatever it was, it happened within the last four cycles. So to answer your question, yes it was real. It did happen."

Aeryn went numb and she stared straight ahead, no longer aware of her still stinging eyes or the wooziness; nor was she aware of anything around her. That tight spcae, the kiss...that actually happened. Crichton, she had kissed _Crichton_. If it were simply recreational, that was one thing. But what she just experienced seemed to be something other than recreation. There was more to it, a lot more. Something...differen't. She couldn't identify what it was, but it deeply frightened her.

Suddenly her mind went to the ring. She hadn't kept it on her finger, it wasn't something she was use to and it was something she couldn't ignore. It was just irritating, so she kept it in her pocket. Now it seemed to burn through her clothing to her skin. Crichton had acted oddly when she came to him about it, it seemed to strongly affect him. He had told her that it was a gift from someone important. A question that she did not like began to form in her mind; was he that someone important?

**Still leaning his head** against the _Farscape_ module, he tried to get himself back under control. **_"Crichton's don't cry...often, or for very long."_** He smiled weakly as his own words to his son echoed through his head. He lifted his head and hurridly wiped away the hot tears from his eyes and face.

"Hey." He looked over and saw Chiana standing a few yards away, concern written all over her face. "You okay old man?"

John wiped his nose with his hand and sniffled. "Yeah Pip, I'm fine." His voice and composure betrayed him.

Chiana shook her head and walked forward. "You don't look fine, Crichton." She leaned against the side of his module and stared up at him. "What happened?"

"Nothing." He said, staring hard at the switches he was fiddling with. "Nothing happened. I was just thinking."

"I'm not stupid, Crichton." She gently put her hand over his wrist and rubbed her thumb across his skin. "Tell me what's up."

John exhaled heavily and hid his closed eyes under his free hand. Chiana waited patiently, keeping her hand on his wrist, offering what comfort she could. Finally he spoke. "Aeryn saw the ring."

"The ring?"

"Her wedding ring, the one I gave her. I forgot to take it off her finger and she noticed it and asked me about it."

Chiana slightly tightened her told on his wrist, seeing how much he was hurting. "But she doesn't know what it means, right?"

He sniffed again and shook his head. "No, it's a human thing."

"Well as long as she doesn't know, it should be all right, right?"

"I don't know." He said, rubbing hard at his eyes. "I guess so."

She reached her free hand up to stroke the hair on the back of his head. "Hey, it'll be okay."

John looked at her and offered a faint smile. "I know." He placed his hand over hers that held his wrist and squeezed lightly. "Thanks Chiana."

Chiana returned his small smile with one of her own. "No problem old man. Now come visite your little guy, he misses you."

_**I am such an **idiot. Probably the biggest one in the universe. I can't believe I forgot about the ring. How could I not think about that? I guess I was too busy worrying about Aeryn. But that doesn't make me feel any better._

_When she asked me about it...I don't even know how to describe it. It was like being hit by a train or jumping into a lake that has a temperature below zero. It just _hurt_ and for a while I couldn't even breathe or think. Hell, Aeryn was probably wondering what the frell was wrong with me._

_She didn't look to happy when I told her that it was a gift. I think it's because not only do Peacekeepers not have anything like gifts, but it's not...it's not _Aeryn._ Not Peacekeeper Aeryn anyway. I mean it _is_ jewlry and she's never worn any before. I wonder what she did with it?_

_When Pilot told me that she was looking for me, I was scared as hell. I really couldn't say why because I have no idea. I just was. My first year on Moya, anytime Aeryn was looking for me meant bad news. Maybe that was it. Or it coulda been a bunch of other things. I just don't know._

_Chiana has been a big help. It's not just that she's taking care of Little D while this is all going on, but she's been a real friend. She's just been so gentle and comforting, and it's really helped me to keep my head. God knows what condition I'd be in right now if it weren't for her! She's helped me out like this before, but now she's just so...I dunno. Different. I think she may be making up for D'Argo's part he'd be playing if he were here._

_And man do I wish he were here. He's the best friend I've ever had and he's helped me through so much. Especially with Aeryn. But all I can do is try to imagine what he would tell me. I'd rather have him be here to say it himself though._

_I think what scares me the most is when Aeryn starts to remember the other guy, the one who died. The other John Crichton._


	4. Chapter Three

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe )  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**CHAPTER THREE**

**Aeryn's stride was swift **and powerful as she made her way to her destination. She was trying to concentrate, to keep her mind clear, but more memories were filling in. And the kiss kept coming back, haunting her. She tried to push it away, ignore it, but it would just come back even stronger. And she had remembered more of that moment; abruptly ending the kiss, jumping out of the module and trying to get away from Crichton. She shuddered, remembering the feel of his hands around her arms as he pushed her against the wall, pinning her there. And his voice was crystal clear in her ears. **_"It's _**you **_I find pleasing!"_**

She ducked slightly when she stepped through the door. She found the one she was looking for, and when he looked up at her, she said, "Pilot, I want to talk to you."

"About what, Officer Sun?"

Aeryn swiped her hand over the door control and waited until the room was sealed before she turned back to face him. She didn't want any interruptions and she didn't want anyone to know about this conversation. "I want to ask you about Crichton."

Pilot looked at her curious and surprised. "What about him?"

She stood next to the console and stared hard at him. "I need to know everything that's happened between us."

"I'm sorry, Aeryn. But I cannot tell you that."

"Why not?" She nearly snapped out.

"I gave my word that I would not tell you anything about the last four cycles." He explained.

"Did Crichton make you promise that?"

"He did not make me do anything. He asked me."

Aeryn fought back her anger and took a deep breath to keep herself calm. "Listen Pilot, Crichton is not in charge and he is not in control of me or what I do. You don't have to listen to him."

Pilot studied her for a while in silence before speaking. "I am sorry, Aeryn. I cannot. I gave my word."

"Frell, Pilot! I'm asking you for _help_!"

"I believe that this is the best way to help you."

"How is keeping my memories from me any help?"

"I am not keeping anything from you. I am only keeping you from stressing yourself."

"Pilot I already am stressed!" Aeryn yelled angrily. "What you're doing is only making it worse!"

Suddenly there was a shift in her vision and now Pilot was glaring at her and growling. One of his claws shot out and grabbed her neck and lifted her from the ground. Aeryn felt her throat closing as Pilot squeezed harder, and she gasped for air. His shrill scream rang loudly in her ears. Aeryn couldn't think, all she felt was pain and panic. She didn't try to talk, yet she heard herself, her voice weak and raspy, calling desperatly for Crichton.

She told her body to fight back, she tried with all her strength, but her body would not co-operate.

Crichton's voice came from behind, calling to her. He and D'Argo rushed up to her, but Pilot knocked them back with a strong swing. He hit a control on his console and a strong, howling wind picked up. Behind her Crichton shouted something to D'Argo, but she barely heard him. Her chest hurt and she gasped even harder for air.

Pilot's screaming faded out and he hit the contol again and the screaming wind died. He threw her down and she hit the floor. She still could not control her body; she wanted desperatley to spring back on her feet. Instead her body sat up on one elbow and held her neck with her other hand, coughing and gasping. Crichton was instantly at her side, his hands on her shoulders. She wanted to shove him away but couldn't.

Pilot snarled down at her, his voice cold with hate. "You killed this ships first Pilot!"

Her vision shifted again and she blinked. Pilot was looking at her perplexed. "Officer Sun, are you all right?"

Aeryn glanced around the room, looking for Crichton and D'Argo, but they were not there. And the door was still closed and Pilot was as calm as he'd ever been. Her neck no longer hurt and she was breathing normally. What the frell just happened?

"Aeryn?"

"Pilot...what just happened?" She asked, turning back to him.

"You've been standing there for a while." He tilted his head to the side slightly. "Are you sure you're all right Aeryn?"

She swallowed the knott beginning to form in her throat and nodded. "I'm...I'm fine Pilot. Sorry that I bothered you."

And with that she spun on her heel and left as quickly as possible.

**He hurridly ran back **and forth across the room, trying to put things back to the way they were so long ago. But he could not remember for the life of him where everything went. She could walk in any second, and he did _not_ want her to catch him in her quaters. Especially not when it looked like he was going through her stuff. He could just imagine her reaction to that.

John let out a heavy sigh as he took a look around; well, it looked somewhat how he had remembered it. Not exactly, but mostly. It should do...hopefully. He turned to leave and immediately froze in place; Aeryn was standing in the doorway, and she didn't look too happy. Her hand lightly resting on her pulse pistol wasn't exactly comforting either.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "What are you doing Crichton?"

There seemed to be a large lump in his throat and he had to swallow before he could talk. But even then, he didn't get much out. "I...I was just...um...I uh..."

"What are you doing in my quaters, Crichton?" Her voice was harsh and seemed to restore his ability to speak.

"I was waiting for you." Oh hell. Of all the lies he could possibly come up with, why did he have to pick _that _one?

"Why?"

"I just...wanted to see how you're doing."

Aeryn studied him a moment. "Did you talk to Pilot?"

That triggered John's curiosity and his brow furrowed. "No. Why?"

"It's nothing. Nevermind." She replied abruptly, stepping past him to enter her room. She took a swift glance around her quarters before facing John again. "Is there anything else you wanted?"

She seemed a little bit...edgey, maybe uncomfortable. This of course worried him. "Aeryn, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine!" Aeryn snapped out impatiently. "Now go away unless you have something else you want to say."

John moistened his lips with his tongue, then bit his bottom lip. He wasn't sure if he should ask her or not, she seemed so stressed already. "Do you...has your memory come back at all?"

That seemed to calm her at least a little. But then she acted...almost shy. She averted her eyes from him and nodded. "Yes I have."

"Do you mind...telling me what the last thing you remember is?"

Aeryn stared at him for a moment with an unsure expression on her face. John felt his palms beginning to get cold with sweat; maybe he shouldn't have asked. It looked like it could be something bad. He swallowed as he waited, hoping that he had also swallowed his fear; yet he still felt it rising in his stomache.

Finally Aeryn sighed and said, "We went to that scientist, the one selling the maps to all our homeworlds. He injected me with some of Pilot's DNA, trying to turn me into a Pilot." She met his eyes with hers, and he noted that they seemed softer. "You saved me though."

John couldn't help but smile a little; well, at least she was at the point where she was starting to like him. He was surprised to see her smiling back at him shyly.

"So, you remember everything up to that point?"

"Most of it. There are still gaps."

He felt the most hopeful he's felt since this whole ordeal had started. Looking at her now, he wanted so badly to take her in his arms and kiss her. His smile slowly vanished as he reminded himself that she still had a long way to go.

"Crichton?"

Her voice snapped him back into reality. "What?"

"Is something wrong?" She asked with slightly raised eyebrows.

"No. No I'm fine." He said with a nod. "Just fine."

Aeryn shook her head at him. "You are a strange species, Crichton."

Boy had he heard her say that a lot! It had lessened over the years, but she still said it to him occasionally. His chest tightened; he missed her so damn much and she was standing right there in front of him and he couldn't do a thing. All he could do was wait. And god how he hated waiting!

John looked back up at her. "Sorry, I'll leave you alone now." He turned and walked out into the corridor.

There was something she said earlier that he was still curious about. He needed to talk to Pilot.

**She slid into the** cockpit and instantly felt relaxed and at peace. She looked over the controls; there were a few small differences than she last remembered, but everything was intact. She softly ran her fingers over the buttons and instantly more images and voices came rushing into her mind. She closed her eyes and let them come.

_**"Call him by his name, Pilot." "Look Crichton, Scorpius, whatever you are, recognize atmosphere included, I am the superior pilot." "We're in the hands of fate now. We have to trust in that." "That's big." "I'm not tied to him in anyway." "I'm coming with you." "Assassinating people? Seems like going backwards." "What like, that side up you stay?" "Good-bye John Crichton." "You do this, and we'll never see each other again."**_

Her eyes snapped open. Every one of those moments took place either in or around her prowler. She wondered if she could gain more memory by being around a familiar object, like what had just happened.

There was a sudden stinging in her eyes and it was so strong it almost burned. Aeryn hissed a curse as she tried desperately to rub the pain away. The stinging slowly subsided and tears filled up under her eyelids. She opened her eyes and was startled to find that she was no longer in her prowler.

She was in a room she did not recognize and she was standing at the top of a very short flight of stairs. She was holding a pulse pistol up in one hand, Chiana was sitting on the floor next to her, and Crichton was at the bottom of the stairs with Winona drawn and staring cautiously down at some creature. Again, she found she had no control over her body.

Crichton tapped the creature's body with the barrel of his pulse pistol. "He's still alive."

"Shoot him then." It was her that spoke.

He looked up at her. "_You_ shoot him."

Her body was taking quick, deep breaths. It was a microt before she spoke. "I can't."

She watched as Crichton gritted his teeth, and he looked as though he were having some sort of internal struggle. Slowly, he turned towards her, pointing Winona at her. "Me either."

"Well then," Aeryn took a few steps forward. "We have a problem."

He licked his lips. "Fight it."

"I _am_." She said, her voice just slightly trembling.

"What the frells going on?" Chiana's voice came from behind.

"_Stay down_!" Both Crichton and Aeryn barked the order.

They stared at each other for a few microts. Aeryn watched helplessly as her body pulled the trigger on her pulse pistol. Crichton did the same just half a microt later. Both shots missed just barely.

What the frell was going on? Crichton said to fight it, fight_ what_? What was causing them to turn on each other, having no control over their bodies?

"Whatever's going on...whatever you're doing...stop." Chiana pleaded.

Aeryn felt and heard herself speak again. "Now, I'm not sure...I have the strength to miss next time."

"I think...I'm just a bad shot." Crichton pursed his lips for a minute. "You know, I really thought...the coin toss ended badly." He bit on the corner of his lip.

She was frightened by the sound of her voice. It sounded weak and far too emotional. "It did."

Then everything went black and she couldn't even feel her own body. Her senses slowly came back to her, beginning with the small stinging in her eyes. She blinked repeatedly and her vision returned slowly. She sighed with relief that she was back in her prowler.

Leaning back in the seat, Aeryn put a hand to her forehead. This was the second time she's had such a strong flashback since the old woman blew that drug in her face. There was the one with Pilot earlier and now this. She was pretty sure that it was the old woman's drug that was causing this. She'd have to confront her about it. But first, there was something in this latest flashback she wanted to ask Crichton about. This thing called a coin toss.

**John chewed on his **lower lip as he carefully contemplated his next move. Once he decided, he carefully moved the piece across the board. He had finally calmed himself down enough to even attempt playing chess. But even still, his mind was not on the game; it was firmly concentrated on Aeryn. Always Aeryn.

He wasn't necessarily just thinking about the recent ordeal, but also his times with her in the past. Things they'd said and donw to each other, things he wanted to do and say to her now but couldn't. The intoxicating smell of her hair, the feel of her warm skin or the taste of her lips. He missed that so badly, he missed _her_. He missed seeing her with their child, crooning softly, gently rocking him; he longed to see that beautiful scene again. And he longed to see the bright sparkle of her eyes when he'd tell her he loves her.

He smiled faintly, remembering one such occasion that held both the things he longed to see.

_**He stood silently in the doorway, un-noticed, watching his wife with their baby. He was smiling at her attempts to quiet the infant's small cries.**_

_**"Shhh..." She rocked him gently, as John had shown her. "Why can't you calm down for me like you do for your father?" She asked softly to D'Argo.**_

_**"You have to sing to him, Aeryn." John spoke, revealing himself.**_

_**Aeryn looked up, her eyes glistening at the sight of him. "Sing?"**_

_**He walked towards her. "Or hum." He stood behind her, looking over her shoulder at his son.**_

_**"I've never done that before."**_

_**"That doesn't mean you can't."**_

_**"I don't know how."**_

_**"I'll teach you."**_

_**"And that actually works?"**_

_**"Every time."**_

_**Aeryn leaned back into his chest and he automatically put his arms around her waist. For a while they stood like that, gazing down at their son.**_

_**"Aeryn," John said softly, his lips brushing against her ear and his warm breath tickling her skin. "I love you."**_

_**She turned her head to face him. There was a small smile on her lips and her eyes were twinkling with love and joy. "I know. I love you too."**_

John was broken from his reverie by a voice, Aeryn's voice. He looked up from the chess board to find her standing in the doorway. "Yeah, what's up?"

"May I come in?"

He was so unuse to such a question, especailly from her, that he stared at her momentarily baffled. He shook it off, and rising from his chair he said, "Sure, come on in."

Aeryn walked in cautiously and stopped when she stood in front of him. "I wanted to ask you about something that I...have a very small recollection of."

"All right. What is it?" John felt his heart beginning to beat faster, scared to death that it'd be bad yet highly hopefully that it'd be good.

Her brow creased slightly in thought. "I recall you saying something to me about a coin toss, and how it ended badly."

His heart stopped in that instant, and he stared at her completely frozen.

"Crichton?"

John swallowed in a dry throat. "Yeah I um..." He wiped his hand over his mouth, not sure what to say or do. "What did you wanna ask?"

"If you could explain it to me."

"Explain what?"

"The coin toss."

He stared at her for a minute, trying to decided what best to do. Finally he answered with a quick, "No." and turned away from her.

Aeryn's eyebrows furrowed. "No?"

John grabbed a bottle of raslak he had on the table and poured some into a cup. "No, I'm not gonna explain it to you."

"Why not?" She asked angrily.

"Because I just won't...can't...both."

"Don't frell with me, Crichton!" Aeryn ordered. "I know you can very well explain it. So tell me why you _won't_."

"Aeryn, it's just...it'll be easier on you."

"_What_ will be easier on me?"

"Remembering it for yourself, on your own. Letting it come to you." He answered softly, staring into the cup of untouched alcohol. "It's what's best...for you."

"Oh so you decided that yourself, did you?" She snapped. "You listen to me, _I_ am in control of me and _I_ decide what's best for me. Not _you_ or _anyone_ else!"

"Aeryn, just trust me on this."

"_Trust_ you?"

"Yes, trust me." He repeated more firmly than before.

"Why should I do that?"

"Because...I know things...that you don't."

Aeryn took a step closer to him. "This is _my_ life, Crichton! _My_ memories!"

"They're mine too, Aeryn!" John shouted back at her. He stared at her and took a deep breath to calm himself. He spoke with a gentler tone. "I have been here with you for the last four cycles. We have been through hell and back again multiple times, too many times. And there are things that I do not want you to know about before remembering them yourself."

She shook her head. "I don't care what you want, Crichton. This is what _I_ want. And if you won't help me, maybe someone else will."

She turned to leave but John grabbed her by the wrist. "Aeryn wait!"

Aeryn pulled away from him and glared with her dark, piercing eyes. "Don't touch me."

Her voice was like ice and he felt his blood run cold. He watched her, frozen, as she walked away. Once she was gone he sunk down on the edge of his bed with a heavy sigh and put his face in his hands.

"Smooth John, real smooth. You're such a frelling idiot." He berayted himself quietly.

He was only trying to help her, to do what's best. But how could he possibly make her understand that? He had pissed her off, maybe even hurt her. She had come to him for help and _this_ ended up happening. He tried to be gentle, but she kept persisting and...she's just so damn stubborn!

Maybe if it had been something not as painful, or from a time period closer to what she last remembered, he would have told her. But the coin toss? There was no way in hell he was going to explain that to her. She still had three years of catching up to do before that. And he couldn't explain it without those three years. No way.

There was a soft voice at the doorway. "Crichton?"

He used his hands that were already covering his face to wipe away small tears. "Yeah Pip?"

"I heard yelling. Is...is everything okay?"

John nodded but didn't look at her. "Yeah, everything's fine."

"Don't lie to me, Crichton." Chiana sat on the bed next to him. "Haven't you learned yet that lying doesn't work on me?"

"Then why'd you ask?" There was a hint of a smile in his voice.

She shrugged. "I dunno. Just seemed right." She reached up to stroke his hair as she had done before. "Wanna tell me what happened? What all that yelling was? And don't give me that dren that you were just thinking, I know I heard arguing and I know I heard Aeryn."

This time he did smile, but it didn't last long and soon it disappeared. "She uh, she asked me to explain...something to her that's...way ahead of where she's at, and I..."

"You said no." She finished for him.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Was it...was it something painful?"

John merely nodded.

Chiana leaned her cheek on his shoulder and gazed up at him, continuing to softly stroke his hair. "She'll get through it." She told him quietly.

"I know." His voice had that low rumble in it that he had when he was hurting. She hated it when he had that tone in his voice. "Aeryn's pretty pissed at me right now, probably will be for a while. She to you, and ask you about...things -"

"No way." Chiana interrupted, softly shaking her head against his shoulder. "I won't tell her anything. That's your job."

John didn't say anything, but she knew that was what he wanted. And his simple gesture of putting his arm around her reassured her of that.

**Aeryn studied the old** woman, watching her cook. She wasn't sure if she should be angry or not; those drugs _had_ shown her more memories, more important ones. Still, she had not asked for such help. But she found herself more grateful than angry.

"What did you do to me, old woman?" Aeryn asked aloud, getting Noranti's attention.

"I've explained this before." Noranti said, continuing to cook.

"You could've told me that the drug had a lasting effect." Aeryn stated with a firm voice.

"I take it my herbs helped you." Noranti said cheerfully with a proud smile.

"Yes...yes they did, somewhat." She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I was wondering...if you could...what you did to me earlier, if you could do that again."

Noranti regarded Aeryn in silence for a moment before speaking. "Come closer."

At first Aeryn hesitated. Then she cautiously walked forward. Once she was close enough, Noranti blew a thick powder into her face without warning. Aeryn stumbled back a few steps and scrubbed at her eyes, gritting her teeth.

Noranti reached out to pull Aeryn's hands away from her eyes. "Don't fight it. You must let it pass."

Biting down on her tongue, Aeryn resisted the urge to rub at her stinging eyes. For a moment it seemed only to be getting worse, but it slowly died down and was nearly gone. She decided that meant that it had worked, and bracing herself, she opened her eyes.

Crichton was only a couple steps ahead of her as she followed him down the corridor. She didn't know the place, it was completely unfamiliar. Although it looked like it could be a Scarren vessel, or where ever this was.

They walked into a room and she heard her own voice first. "Do you think she's figured it out yet?"

"I don't think so." Crichton replied, leaning against a nearby table. "She still looks pretty damn stressed."

"I'm not suprised." Her body said, walking past him. "If she doens't go hom with the peace treaty, she's going to be in a lot of trouble with High Command."

Peace treaty? What peace treaty? And why was she and Crichton involved? And who were they talking about? Some Peacekeeper, obviously.

"I reckon." Crichton's voice came from behind her.

"As long as your stress levels are all right." This statement completely baffled her. Why would it matter if the human was stressed, and why would she care...that much?

She heard his footsteps behind her. "Ah well, considering the fact that we're now nuclear terrorists..."

Terrorists? Nuclear? What the frell was going on?

"Bomb seems to think I'm okay." He was now standing next to her, too close for her comfort. She could feel him right there beside her, and her body seemed to react to that. It was a very odd sensation, immensly strong; something she was totally unfamiliar with.

And what was that about a bomb?

"Provided that thing's working." Her body said, turning her head to face him, noses almost touching.

They both looked down at...holy _frell_, was that a _bomb_? And it was strapped to _Crichton_? What in hezmana was going on? The blue lights on the bomb began blinking steadily faster along with a quiet beeping. That was bad, wasn't it?

But she felt herself smile as she looked away from it. Crichton leaned in closer to her and she could feel the warmth radiating from him. "Uh oh." He whispered into her ear, tickling her skin. "You are dangerous."

Her smile broadened slightly. "Well you better keep away then."

When the drug wore off, Aeryn found herself on her knees and shaking. She felt a deep fear hardening in her stomach, and she did not have fear often. Her palms went cold with sweat.

"What's going on in here?" A gruff voice barked.

Aeryn's back snapped upright and she twisted around to find the source of the voice. Rygel.

"Nothing's going on!" Noranti said, rushing back over to her cooking pots.

Rygel narrowed his eyes as he looked at Aeryn suspiciously. "Why are you sitting on the floor?"

"Because I want to." Aeryn growled, getting to her feet. "What do you care?"

"I don't."

"Then shut up and don't ask stupid questions." She snarled before walking past him to leave.

Once she was far enough down the corridor, she stopped to leaned against the wall, pressing her forehead to one of Moya's cool golden ribs.

_**I know I've already** said this before, but I've seriously got to be the biggest idiot in the Uncharted Territories. I never wanted to argue with her, God knows that's the last I want. I could have been more gentle, but I'm a selfish son of a bitch and I just did not want to even hear the words coin toss. Those days are over, gone, burried and forgotten. At they would be, but now..._

_The fact that she remembers me saying something about the coin toss is a bad sign. It means she's remembering things out of order. I guess it's inevitable that her mind would mix things up and leave it to her to piece it all together. At least she's remembering most of her life in the right order; she must just be seeing small fragments or flashes. Hopefully she won't see anything...important, too early._

_What Pilot told me wasn't exactly comforting either. Ever since I talked to him I've had this worry and fear building up. Apparently he was in the middle of a conversation with her when she just went stiff with this blank look on her face for maybe five minutes. She didn't even hear him call to her. At first I thought she had remembered something...but now I'm thinking it may be more. I dunno, something different. Call me crazy, but I just have this feeling. Maybe it's just my constant worrying and deprivation of her that's making me sick. And my lack of sleep might have something to do with it._

_And I just can't stop thinking about her! Whether it's about the current situation, the past, the future, or just her radiant beauty or how much I've gotten her to change from her Peacekeeper ways, she's always on my mind. Not that it's a bad thing or anything, it's just...I miss her so damn much and I can't get enough of her and there's nothing I can do about it. Not yet anyway._

_Another thing that's been bothering me is how long this is gonna last. At first I had the high hopes that this was going to end within a day or two, but now I'm thinking it'll take longer than that. It's barely been over a day since she got back and she only remembers about half of our first year on Moya. I've got a bad feeling that this is going to be a while longer than I've been hoping._

_And I'm pretty sure that one of these days soon I'm gonna get my head knocked off. Every time I see her, I forget for a second that she's got memory loss and it's hard to stop myself from pushing her against a wall and kissing her. That would definetly loose me a couple teeth and probably scare the crap outta her. She's gotta learn love and emotions all over again._

_I know I said those days are done and over with, but I can't help but think about the other guy. I'm not excited at all about her remembering him or his death, I don't want her to have to relive that. But as I said earlier, I'm a selfish son of a bitch, I don't want to relive that time either. It was a dark and painful time for both of us, and I'm scared to hell how things are gonna go._


	5. Chapter Four

**Title: **Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe)  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period: **Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer: **None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**Author's Note:** Arg! So sorry this chapter took me so frelling long to finish! My friend was living with me all this week 'cause her parents are in Hawii so I was a little distracted. Luckily she's a Scaper so she respected and understood that I needed to set aside time to write! Anyways, I worked really hard on this chapter, as always, so I really really hope you guys like it! So let me know what you think and enjoy!

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**She smiled softly at** the beautiful bundle of life in her arms. His eyes were nearly closed and his small pudgy lips were parted as he drifted off to sleep. She resisted the urge to stroke his adorable face, as she didn't want to stir him from the sleep she had been trying to put him into. Once his eyes were sealed, she carefully laid him down on the bed and studied him.

It was really amazing that this was Crichton and Aeryn's baby. When Aeryn had told her that she was pregnant, she was shocked speechless. But when she learned that the stasis had been released and the baby was on it's way...well, she had been a little uneasy about it. Now though, actually seeing him...she loved the little guy to pieces. She wished so badly that D'Argo could've seen him more up close. She knew he would've loved the baby so much.

Once she was sure the little Crichton was fast asleep, she quietly exited the room and passed her hand over the controls to close the door. She turned around and was startled by Aeryn standing close by.

"Frell, Aeryn!" Chiana took a step back. "You scared the dren outta me! What're you doing down here?" She felt panic beginning to spark inside her. How long had Aeryn been standing there? Did she see the baby?

"Looking for you." Aeryn replied. "What are _you_ doing down here? There's nothing on this tier except cells and empty storage chambers." Her stare hardened with suspicion.

Chiana swallowed and tried to keep her panic under control. Aeryn hadn't seen the baby, that was good. "Nothing. I'm not doing anything. Just thinking." She said as casually as she could. "Why were you looking for me?"

Aeryn's suspiciousness seemed to vanish. "I wanted to ask you something."

Chiana stared at the older woman, scared stiff. Crichton's words that he said to her only a few arns ago eachoed in her head. **_"She to you and, ask you about things..." _**She licked her lips nervously. "Uh, s-sure. What...what is it?"

"Well I haven't seen Zhaan or D'Argo for the last solar day, and I was just wondering where they are."

Chiana's throat went dry and for a split second, the image of D'Argo dying flashed across her mind. Her breathing slightly quickened and she licked her lips. "Wh-why aren't you asking Crichton about this?"

Aeryn's eyes darkened with anger, but her brow creased in confusion. "Does it matter who I ask?"

"N-no...no I guess not." Chiana moved her gaze away from the exPeacekeeper, frightened by her sudden sharp stare.

"Well?"

"What?"

"Are you going to answer my question?" Aeryn asked, irritated with the nebari.

Chiana swallowed and looked back at her. "Um...you really...really shouldn't be asking me."

Aeryn now looked extremely annoyed. "Why not Chiana?"

"Because...just because." She turned to walk away.

"Did Crichton make you agree not to tell me anything?" Her voice was a low angry growl that made Chiana stop in her steps.

She hesitated, the hairs on her neck rising from feeling Aeryn's cold eyes on her. "No. Crichton never said...anything about that."

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because...because it'll be better...for you to remember, on your own." She answered, using Crichton's reasoning.

"That is not for you to decide!" Aeryn snapped, sending a cold shudder down Chiana's back.

"Fine. Whatever." She began to walk again. "But I'm still not telling you."

**Aeryn stormed down the **passageway fuming. That frelling little tralk _had_ to be in agreement with Crichton to not tell her anything about the past four cycles. Probably everyone on Moya had agreed to it. She knew that Pilot, Crichton and Chiana were not susceptible to threats, and the old woman seemed to uneffected by any type of anger at all. But there was one who would cave in and give her the answers she wanted.

She found him right where she thought he'd be; center chamber, stuffing his face. Slowly, she walked towards him, unconscious of her hand hanging by her pulse pistol.

"What are you doing in here?" Rygel growled at her. "You better not be planning on eating -"

"I'm not here to eat." She interrupted.

His eyebrows bent downward. "Then why the yotz are you in here? Just go away and leave me alone!"

Aeryn stood a few paces away and stared down at him with her dark eyes. "I'm going to ask you something. And if you don't answer..." Her fingers tapped the handle of her pulse pistol. "I have ways of making you talk."

Rygel didn't seem to take her seriously. "I'll tell you whatever it is you want to know. Just hurry up and get it over with so that you can go the frell away." He turned back to his food.

"D'Argo and Zhaan, where are they? What happened to them?"

He looked at her again with surprise. He hesitated a moment before answering. "They're both dead."

Aeryn's lips parted and her anger melted away. She stared at the hynerian, shocked. "Dead?" She repeated weakly.

"Yes. And don't ask me how, it'll take too long to explain." Rygel looked at Aeryn and glowered. "Now go away."

She turned and left, completely dazed. For a while she just walked aimlessly through the corridors, but soon she came to a stop. She felt so...numb. She had come to care a great deal for the delvian and the luxan, for everyone, even Moya...Crichton. She knew that now, she felt it, remembered them and their friendship and compassion. Now they were gone.

Her mind blurred with questions, wondering how they died, when and why. She could go back and force the hynerian to tell her, but she was in no mood to do that. Instead, she found herself heading for her quarters.

Sitting on her bed, she pulled from her pocket the drug Noranti had given her. She twirled the small bulb in her fingers. The old woman had said it was the same kind of drug she had blown into her face before, just a different substance. She had put it into this small bulb for Aeryn to use whenever she wished. It had the same effect, it would bring back memories. Maybe it would make her remember what happened to Zhaan and D'Argo.

Holding the bulb up to her eye, she did what Noranti had instructed her to do, and gently squeezed. A small spray of liquid shot into her eye, causing her to flinch and take in a sharp breath. She did the same to the other eye and waited. Her eyes began to water from the strong stinging, and she wasn't strong enough to hold back the tears while her eyes hurt so badly. The tears escaped from under her eyelids and rolled out of the corners of her eyes. Finally the stinging began to die down and she struggled to open her eyes.

She found herself, her body, in a rather odd position. She was bent over, reaching for a tool on the floor. She had the tool in her hand, but her body remained in this position. And for some reason she had the biggest smile on her face.

Suddenly there was a gentle yet firm slap on her rear end, and her body jolted upright, laughing softly. That felt far too much like a hand. And why the frell wasn't she getting angry about it? If she had control of her body right now, she'd -

"You said pay attention to the work."

Oh frell. This couldn't have happened.

Her body turned towards him, and her fear was confirmed: it was Crichton. Her mouth was still stretched into a playful smile. "You're right. I'm sorry." Her smile broadened. "I won't...distract you, any further." She softly bit her lip.

She couldn't read the expression on his face, which she discovered was commom with Crichton. He set down the tool in his hand and began walking towards her. Oh _frell_ no! she didn't want him anywhere _near_ her! Not only was she still angry with him, but...she had become...afraid of him. She wanted to turn and run so badly, but instead her body leaned against the wall and waited for him.

Her head bent down to watch his hands slide under the edge of her leather vest. Her smile widened, the knuckles of his warm fingers tickling her stomach. "You have a problem?" Crichton asked softly.

"No, I don't have a problem." Her voice carried the same tone as his. She looked up at his face and was discomforted at how close he was.

"No?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Her body only shook her head.

Crichton leaned forward, his mouth only inches from hers. "You're not distracted?" She felt his hand turn so that his palm was now on her skin, and he firmly pressed on her hip.

Aeryn felt shivers run down her arms and back and her legs felt weak. Her lips parted and she closed her eyes, nodding in response to his question.

She wasn't sure whether or not she liked the feel of his hands, or the fact that he was touching her at all. Sure they had sex on that fake Earth, but that was simply for recreational purposes. And that time in the transport pod, when they were about to die...well they had both agreed it was heat of the moment and that's exactly what it was! But this...this felt like neither recreation or heat of the moment. This was like the kiss in his module, something entirely different.

Before she knew it, his mouth was on hers in a hot and desperate kiss. Her body reacted immediately by pushing her lips hard against his and driving her tongue into his mouth. She was so lost in the works of the kiss that she barely noticed her fingers looping around his belt to pull him closer against her body.

There was a low, deep rumble in her throat as she moaned into his mouth. They broke apart, completely breathless, but kept their lips still slightly touching. "What are we doing?" She heard herself gasp.

What the frell _were_ they doing? She felt panicked and angry, but she found she was too concentrated on the taste and feel of his mouth to really think about that right now.

"Better question," Crichton said breathlessly against her lips. "Why now?"

Aeryn heard herself whimper, and he answered it by bringing his mouth back fully over hers.

And then it all stopped and she was surrounded by black. When she felt her body again, she squeezed her eyes shut. She waited a while before opening them again. Her vision was blurry, so she blinked until it was restored completely. She was now sitting on the floor with her back against the edge of the bed.

Aeryn felt a shudder run down her body and she pulled her knees to her chest. Her hands were cold and sweaty, and they were shaking. The fear she had felt earlier returned and it churned in her stomach. These things she was remembering, _feeling_...they scared and confused her. She and Crichton, were they...did they...? She couldn't even finish the thought. She wrapped her arms around her knees and huged them tightly.

**John had been aimlessly **wandering around the passageways, thinking of a way he could possibly try to appologize to Aeryn, when Pilot commed him with news that nearly gave him a heart attack. For a second he was frozen in place and did not respond to Pilot.

"Commander?" Pilot called again.

He shook himself. "Yeah Pilot, I'm on my way there now."

He started walking again, but within a few steps he began running. This could not be happening, this could not be happening, this _could not _be happening! He should've known this was going to happen, that she was going to try to do this. She did it before, why wouldn't she do it again? This could only mean one thing; she remembered the other John Crichton and his death.

Once he got to the maintenance bay, he skidded to stop. He stood there, breathing hard, watching her.

Aeryn was standing next to her prowler with anger darkening her features. "Pilot, open the frelling doors!"

John took one slow deep breath to get his breathing under control, swallowed and licked his lips. "Aeryn." She instantly spun to face him, her eyes sharp daggers. "What're you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing, Crichton?" She snapped before turning her back to him.

He shook his head. "You're not leaving."

"Yes I am."

"No, you are not."

Aeryn stopped what she was doing and turned to walk towards him. Her cold glare made his stomach churn. "Ever since I've had this frelling memory loss, you have been acting like you are superior to me and in control. Well you _aren't_ superior and you _aren't _in control. I'm leaving, and you can't stop me."

She turned to walk back to her prowler, but John grabbed her arm and spun her back around to fae him. "Aeryn, you can't leave."

Aeryn stood still as an image flashed across her vision and his voice rang in her ears. **_"John. My name is John. Good-bye John, to my face." _**

She pulled away from his grip. "I can. And I will." As she walked back to her prowler, she heard his footsteps close behind her.

His voice was more desperate this time. "Aeryn, you're still recovering."

"Your point?"

"You shouldn't be going anywhere." When she didn't respond and only continued preparing her prowler, he went on. "Aeryn I know you're afraid -"

"You don't know anything!" Aeryn snapped, whirling to glare at him.

John took a step toward her. "You're remembering things...a life other than the Peacekeeper way of life, emotions...and it scares you."

**_"Not him. Not me. John Crichton." _**She shook it off and shook her head. "That's not why I'm leaving Crichton." She turned away before he saw the tears in her eyes.

He swallowed in a dry throat. He was taking a big risk saying this. "Is it because of him? Because I'm not him?"

Aeryn looked at him, forehead creased in utter confusion. "What the frell are you talking about?"

John felt some relief; she didn't remember that yet. So she was afraid of her memories.

"Aeryn," He stepped closer to her. "You can not run away from your memories. You can run away from Moya, Chiana, Rygel...me, but not your memories. Whether you stay here or leave, your memories will come back."

She was silent, listening to his voice echoing in her mind. **_"Running away is not fate, Aeryn. Running away is running away!" _**She squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting any memories right now. "That's not...not why I'm leaving."

"Then why?"

"Because..." She searched frantically for a reason. "I need time, Crichton."

"Yes, you do. But you also need help...support."

"What makes you think I want any of that?" Her teary voice was more like a growl now.

John remained silent a moment. "Even if you don't want it, you'll need it. It'll make it easier -"

"Just shut the frell up, Crichton!" Aeryn shouted in a snarl. "I don't want any help, especially not from you!"

"Aeryn -"

She abruptly turned and shoved him back. "Just go the frell away!" This time it was her own voice she heard in her head. **_"Guarantee you won't die in my arms again!"_**

Aeryn turned away from him, but John grabbed her, whirled her back towards him and pushed her back against her prowler, pinning her there. He was not going to let her be in control of this situation. She was _not_ leaving. Not while he was still alive to do something about it.

She struggled against him so he pressed harder against her. She glared at him and yelled in sheer anger. "Let me go, Crichton!"

"Aeryn, you have to stop this. You have to listen to me." John's voice was firm, masking his pleaing tone.

"I don't have to listen to _anything_ you say! You've got everyone on this frelling ship keeping things from me!"

"It's for your own good!"

"That's a load of dren!" She spat at him. "Why do you even _care_ if I leave?"

"You _know_ why!" John shouted. They stared at each other in silence, then he spoke softer. "You know why and it scares you. That's why you're trying to leave, isn't it?"

**_"There is no home! There is no wormhole! There's only you...Aeryn, anywhere in the universe. You pick the planet."_** Aeryn stared at him a minute, then she looked away from his eyes and slowly nodded.

John felt hot tears stinging his eyes but he fought them back. "Aeryn, I know what you're going through. I know. We've been through it before. You may not remember yet, but we have. You have to trust me."

"I don't have to trust any of you!" She suddenly pushed him back with great force, making John stumble back and almost lost his balance.

"Aeryn, wait! You have to listen to me!"

"No Crichton, I don't. I make my own decisions."

John bit down hard on his lip and tried to quell his anger and frustration. "What are you gonna do? How do you think you're gonna leave? Pilot's not opening those doors for you, Aeryn!"

"Then I'll frelling blast my way out!" Aeryn snarled at him.

"You wouldn't do that." He said with a shake of his head.

_**"You do this, and we'll never see each other again."**_

He was startled when Aeryn kicked a nearby crate, sending it sliding half way across the maintenence bay. She pulled out her pulse pistol and aimed it at him; her hand was trembling and he could easily see the tears in her eyes threatening to fall.

"You will let me go." She ordered it, but her voice was shaky from her with-held tears.

"Aeryn -"

"Let me go _now_, Crichton!" She roared venomously, her cold voice ringing loudly.

John hesitated a second before cautiously approaching her. He slowly reached for her pulse pistol and she didn't fight it as he carefully pulled it from her hand. Aeryn averted her eyes from him to the floor, bowing her head. He watched her, seeing her body begin to tremble. He stepped forward one last time, closing the small space between them and gently wrapped his arms around her. She stood still against him, tense and unmoving. But he could feel her trembling harder now from the held back tears, and he tightened his arms around her.

"It's okay Aeryn." He whispered softly. "It's okay."

_**"Do you love Aeryn Sun?"**_

_**"Beyond hope."**_

_**"Then you won't make me say good-bye, and you won't make me stay."**_

Aeryn could no longer hold back her tears and they spilled onto her face as a quick sob escaped her. John tightened his embrace and she finally relaxed and leaned against him. But it didn't last for even half a minute; Aeryn pushed away from him and began wiping away her tears. He watched her, his heart pounding with deep worry and pain.

She turned away from him, and in a trembling voice she said, "Just stay away from me, Crichton."

John's heart stopped. "Aeryn..." He could hear the choked back tears in his own voice. He didn't know what to say, and suddenly his throat felt tight and he couldn't find his voice.

"Just give me some space." Her voice was stronger now. "I need time."

He swallowed, but his throat still felt dry. "So you won't...you're not going to leave?"

Aeryn shook her head, still turned away from him. "No. I won't leave."

He was silent for a while, feeling relieved yet still worried. He nodded to himself and said, "Good." He watched her for a minute, not sure what to do. Finally he turned and walked away, giving her the space she needed.

**He chewed on his** lip as he stared at the chess board. With a half exhasperated, half angry sigh he swung his hand over the board, knocking over all the pieces. He sunk back in his chair and scrubbed at his face with his hands. It was in the middle of the night and he was restless. He needed to move, he needed to work.

As he strolled through Moya's passageways, he thought back to what had happened only a few arns ago back in the maintenence bay. A couple cycles ago she had told him the same thing, that she needed space and time. And he knew that was what she needed, but it was so damn hard to sit around and wait! He wanted so desperatly to help her, but she wouldn't let him, not yet anyway.

He always hated it when she would keep him at a distance, and he knew this was different but it still drove him nuts. And he especailly hated it when she cried. Aeryn did not cry often, but when she did...it meant she was either extremely scared or in emotional pain. She was feeling both right now and that made his chest tighten with deep sorrow. He loved her so much, he didn't want her to go through all this.

In his aimless strolling, John had come to the exercise room. He stood staring at the red Peacekeeper punching tower, remembering how much Aeryn use to use it. She hadn't touched it for a long time until recently, now that she had memory loss. Suddenly he noticed something and felt his heart begin to beat harder. Cautiously he walked forward, and when he was a few feet away from the triangular cushion, his breath caught in his chest. There were smeers of blood across the sides. She hadn't used gloves. She had only done that once before and that was when...

His stomach twisted and knotted in deep concern and fear. He spun on his heel to leave and go find Aeryn, but something caught his eye. Once he turned and saw what it was, a large lump formed in his throat and he couldn't breathe. Aeryn was sitting huddled on the floor, leaning against the wall with a blank look on her face and shivering.

John knelt down in front of her, concern pulsing through his body. She looked completely fazed out and her eyes were red-rimmed and teary. She was shaking, and when he touched her she was ice cold. Something was very wrong, and it was making his gut wrench with fear.

"Aeryn?" He reached out and gently stroked her face. Then with more urgency he took her face in both hands. "Aeryn!"

Looking down at her blood covered hands, he saw that her fingers were clutched tightly around some small object. Hesitantly he pried it from her cold hand. It was a small bulb...it looked a bit like a lakka bulb - Oh God, was that a _drug_? He instantly connected that to Noranti and cursed.

John's attention was back on Aeryn and he shook her gently. "Aeryn? Honey?" Reaching up again, he framed her face with his hands. "Oh God, baby, wake up, _please_."

Suddenly she convulsed, then went completely still.

John was frozen as she stared at her. "_Aeryn_?" He shook her more desperately. "_Aeryn_!"

She blinked once, then rapidly for a minute and stirred. He felt some relief wash over him. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. But when she opened her eyes again, she went stiff and confusion mixed with small fear was in her expression. "John?"

He sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah. Are you all right? What the hell happened?"

"Nothing." Aeryn spat abruptly. She pushed him back and got to her feet.

"It's not _nothing_, Aeryn. You were sitting there shivering and blanked out!"

"It's none of your business, Crichton!"

"Aeryn, I know you said you want space, but when I find you huddled in the corner off in La La Land, something is going on!"

"It's nothing to worry about." Aeryn growled. "I'm fine."

"This is _not_ nothing." John held up the small bulb.

Aeryn's face dropped and she stared at the drug in his hand. For a while they stood in silence, neither of them speaking or moving.

"I know one of Noranti's drugs when I see one." He said firmly. "Why did you have this?"

Her eyes went from the black bulb to his face. He saw her jaw muscles flex and her gaze hardened. "It's none of your business."

John stepped forward, hardening his own stare. "Aeryn, you taking drugs is my business."

"Oh really? Why is that?"

"You know why."

"Remind me."

He hesitated a moment before replying. "Because I...I care about you."

Aeryn's eyebrows furrowed. "Oh and so that automatically makes it your business?"

John let out a short sigh, wondering how to get her to understand. "Aeryn -"

"Just stay out of it, Crichton." She snapped at him. She spun around and quickly left before he could respond.

For a while he stood staring at the doorway. Then he looked down at the bulb in his hand and slowly twirled it in his fingers. This was definetly one of Noranti's drugs. He bit down on his lips, feeling anger build up inside him.

**"I told you to** leave Aeryn the hell alone!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Noranti said, vigorously shaking her head. "I didn't do anything!"

Rygel looked at Noranti with a smug I-told-you-so expression. "I told you it wouldn't make him happy!"

John's head snapped over in Rygel's direction. "You knew about this, Sparky?"

"There is nothing to worry about!" Noranti exclaimed cheerfully, stepping in front of John.

He glowered at her in anger. "You giving Aeryn _drugs_ is most definetly something to worry about!"

She gently touched his arm. "They will not harm her."

"My ass they won't! She was collapsed on the floor, shivering and ice cold! That looked like it was harming her to me!"

"It causes no harm." She repeated. "It only helps her to regain some of her memory."

"I want her to remember things on her own!"

"Her memories will affect her in the same way, whether she remembers on her own or not." She smiled and sang cheerfully. "Besides, this is faster!"

"I don't want it to happen _faster_, I want it happen naturally. She's scared enough as it is!"

"And what makes you think that her remembering things slower will be less painful?"

John stared at her in silence for a minute. "Noranti, she's my wife." He said quietly. "Just...do what I ask, please."

She bowed her head slightly. "I will honor you wishes. But you should know...Aeryn came to me and asked for more of the drug."

"Aeryn..._asked_ for it." He repeated ponderously. "How did she even know that you make it?" He asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

The old woman hesitated before answering. "I had given her some earlier...made specifically to bring up moments in her memory when...moments when she was with you."

John rubbed at his eyes, feeling his lack of sleep catching up with him. "Why did you do that?"

"I thought that it would help her."

He sighed heavily. "Look, just...next time she comes to you for more, don't...don't give her any."

She looked as thought that idea were completely rediculous. "Oh but Crichton, she -"

"Grandma!" John growled, turning to glare at her. "Don't give her any more drugs." He repeated firmly. "If you do, I'll -"

"He'll shoot you out an airlock and we'll finally be rid of you!" Rygel grumbled from a nearby food covered table.

"Yes." John agreed wearily. "I will do that." He nodded in finality before turning around and slowly walked out of the chamber.

_**I knew things were** gonna be bad, but it's only been two days and already it's been hell. There wasn't as much action as yesterday, but I think Aeryn trying to leave and then finding out that she's been taking drugs from Noranti makes it about equal. I am relieved that I got her to stay, but I feel like crap. Aeryn not only is scared of me and doesn't want me near her, which I guess I can understand, but I actually mentioned _him_ today. She had no idea who I was talking about, thank God, but I still feel like a complete moron._

_When Pilot called and told me that Aeryn was in the garage demanding he open the hangar doors, I just automatically assumed she had remembered the other Crichton and his death. Man, I am so frelling glad I was wrong. She could try it again later, probably will when she does remember that. But at least I'll be prepared for it...hopefully. I should be anyway._

_And I am so damn pissed at Noranti! I told her and Sparky to stay out of Aeryn's way and leave her alone! And Buckwheat, that bastard, knew about it and didn't say a thing to me! And Grandma better be right that those drugs didn't harm Aeryn, or she's in big trouble._

_Something that's really been bothering me is that Noranti said those drugs made Aeryn only remember times with me. Has Aeryn really been remembering moments with _me_, or with _him_? Later, when she remembers more, if it comes out of order still...will she think that I'm him?_


	6. Chapter Five

**Title: **Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe)  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer: **None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**Author's Note:** The only thing I have to say about this chapter is that I suggest you savor the ending, cause it ain't gonna stay like that for very long! Please forgive any spelling or grammar errors, and please leave feedback! Thank you and enjoy!

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**She slammed her fists** one at a time into the red tower, and every time it bounced back she swung with more strength. She remembered so much more now, and all of it scared her. Talyn and Crais, that frelling princess Crichton had to marry, saving Jothee, Scorpius and that frelling chip he put in Crichton's head...She shivered; her latest memories had been about him and that chip. Her stomach clenched as the scene of John continuously smashing the mirror replayed in her mind. She had been so scared for him then, and she was terrified remembering it. Was Scorpius' chip still in his head, or had they been able to find someone to remove it? What happened with that?

And his hands...they were so warm and soft on her face. Just the rememberance of it made her cheeks burn. And his warm breath tickling her lips, his nose softly nuzzling hers...and the words he had whispered to her...**_"I would be lost without you." _**She closed her eyes as the next part played out in her mind. She had said in response then he would never be lost, her way of saying she would always be with him. **_"No matter what happens...you, have worked your way, into my heart."_** A shudder ran down her spine when her response echoed in her ears. **_"You've shown me that I have one."_** And he had confessed in a whisper three words that excited yet frightened her. She had whispered them in return, and she couldn't remember any further past that.

She punched the triangular punching tower harder in frustration, trying to remember more. But there was nothing, only mixed voices and images that annoyed her even more. She swung harder and harder, barely giving the red cushion a chance to bounce back. Gritting her teeth, she punched harder and faster as more memories came in, more voices and quick flashes.

_**"Did I do anything to piss you off? I mean, other than caving in the side of your head?" "I hope you meant what you said in the neural cluster." "No! No you're gone!" "Do you know who I am?" "I shouldn't be here." "Aeryn, you do not want to be in that chair when it lands!" "Are you serious? Do you not remember?" "Officer Sun, trust nothing!" "Oh I believe you'll pull the trigger. I just don't believe you'll hit anything." "Baby you're not gonna die like this, you are not going to die like this!" "I understand that you shouldn't be here." "What do you mean anyone else?" "Stop resisting Aeryn! Accept this!" "More importantly Crichton loves you. You must take this gift not for my sake but for his." "We're somewhere near Earth?"**_

Aeryn let out a scream as she slammed her fist into the punching tower one final time, the force of her swing knocking it over. She sunk to the ground, sore and exhausted. She lifted one hand to look at her burning, bloddy knuckles and then dropped it carelessly. After taking a deep breath, she mustered some strength to stand. But as she rose to her feet, her knee brushed against her breast and instantly there was pain. For a moment she stood frozen, unfamiliar to this pain and confused by it. Looking down at her chest she muttered, "What the frell?"

But she shrugged it off without a second thought and walked over to a nearby bench. Sitting down, she began to clean her bleeding hands. She froze suddenly, a very faint and fuzzy memory just on the edge of her mind. She remembered...pain, but she wasn't sure what sort. There were voices and people, but she didn't know who it was. One voice she recognized as her own. **_"Oh I think you've done enough already. If this were a sebeacen child, a pure one, this would've been done long ago. So how long is this going to take?"_** The cloth she had been holding fell from her slack hand. What was that about a child? And who had she been talking to? She tried to get a better grasp on that memory, but it was already gone.

Pursing her lips she shrugged and picked up the cloth again. It was far to faint to make any assumptions. And she had most certainly not been talking about herself in that memory! She smiled to herself at how rediculous the thought of her having a child was. However her smile dropped and she went still when she had the oddest of sensations. Her eyebrows slowly knitted together and she hesitantly looked down at her chest. There were two damp spots on her shirt, and it was not from sweat. Her breathing quickened as fear sparked inside her. What the frell was going on? What was the matter with her body?

For a while she sat completely still, unsure of what to do. The sensation in her breasts was still there and it was not going away. Panic pulsed through her body and she stood up to leave. She hurridly left the exercise chamber and swiftly walked through the passageways, making her way to her quaters. More voices echoed in her ears and more images zipped through her mind, faint and fuzzy. "**_I can really feel it alive inside me." _**The sensation came faster and stronger, and she could feel her shirt getting wetter.

Finally she reached her quarters and quickly closed the doors and pulled the curtain over them. She sat on her bed and hesitantly, reached for the edge of her shirt.

**John smiled and felt **the most relaxed and happy he's felt for the last couple days. His son had that affect on him. D'Argo's big, curious eyes stared up at him and his smiled broadened. "Hey Little D, miss me?" He asked quietly. "I missed you. I hope you've been good to Pip."

"I told you not to worry about that old man." Chiana said, leaning her cheek against his shoulder to look at the baby. "He's been perfect."

His brow creased with skepticism. "I find that hard to believe. Did you have any trouble feeding him?"

"At first." She admitted. "He really doesn't like that dren you had me give him, but he's use to it now."

John was silent as he watched D'Argo. His tiny fingers were now wrapped around one of his father's, and his big eyes moved back and forth between him and Chiana. John marveled at his son, his and Aeryn's child.

"Hey, you okay Crichton?" Chiana asked softly.

"Yeah." He replied with a nod. "I'm okay."

She gently pushed away from him and licked her lips. "Crichton...I uh, there's s-something I need...need to tell you...that I think you should know."

John instantly had his attention on her. "What is it?"

Chiana licked her lips again in hesitation. "Uh, A-Aeryn...talked to me earlier...about, um..."

"About _what_, Chiana?" He asked with a firm voice.

She swallowed before speaking. "She asked me about Zhaan...and D'Argo. S-She...she wanted to know where they are."

John felt deep sympathy for her and for a while he was quiet, unsure of what to say. He swallowed in a dry throat and said softly. "Chiana...I'm so sorry."

Chiana shrugged it off, smiling faintly. "It's no problem Crichton, I'm fine. I just thought you should know."

He knew she wasn't fine. She was trying to mask it in her voice and face, but he could still see her pain. Clearing his throat, he looked back down at the infant in his arms. "So what'd you tell her?"

"I told her to talk to you." Her eyes were downcast and her voice just barely trembling. "Did she?"

John shook his head. "No." His thoughts lead him back to when he found Aeryn with Noranti's drug in her hand. He hoped Aeryn didn't go to the old woman for more drugs with the hopes of remembering what happened to D'Argo and Zhaan. And if Aeryn did go to her, Grandma better not have given her any.

He looked over at Chiana who had fallen silent. Her eyes were still focused on the floor and she had begun to slightly shake. John carefully laid Little D down on the bed and approached Chiana. He stood close in front of her for a while, but she did not look up at him. "Chiana?"

Finally she raised her head to look at him. Her eyes were glossed over with unshed tears and she gave him a weak, watery smile."I just miss him...really frelling bad."

John reached out and pulled Chiana into a warm and tight embrace. "I know, Pip." He murmured into her hair. "I miss him too."

**Aeryn tried to keep** her stride casual as she walked to center chamber. She had spent the last quarter arn waiting for her breasts to stop leaking whatever the frell that liquid was, and then she had showered. The experience had troubled her more than she would admit even to herself. Nothing like that had ever happened before, and her chest had never felt so tender. She had thought that perhaps she may be ill, but that answer did not satisfy her. So she had searched for the drug from the old woman, hoping it would bring out those faint images and voices, that maybe it would make her remember something that would provide some sort of explination. It didn't take her long to remember with bitterness that Crichton had taken her last drug bulb. So now she was practically storming through the passageways looking for the old woman, wanting more of the drug.

Noranti was in center chamber, as Aeryn had guessed, softly humming to herself while cooking. Aeryn looked down the corridor to both sides of her, making sure no one else was around before entering the chamber.

Looking up, Noranti greeted her with a smile. "Hello Aeryn. Are you here to eat? I'm afriad I don't have anything prepared as of yet."

"I'm not here for food, old woman."

Noranti locked eyes with Aeryn. For a moment they stood in silence, staring at each other, some message passing between them.

Noranti was the first to break the silence. "I can not give you any more."

"Oh really?" Aeryn asked firmly. "Why is that?"

Noranti hesitated before looking back to her mixing pot. "Because Crichton doesn't want me to."

Aeryn took in a deep breath and bit down on her lip. She figured that Crichton had spoken to Noranti after he found out about the drugs. But she hadn't actually expected the old woman to listen to him. "You don't have to listen to Crichton."

"Oh I know that!" Noranti said with a small giggle.

"Then why are you doing what he wants? Why is everyone on this ship acting like he's in control of everything that goes on?" Aeryn shouted in frustration.

Noranti studied her a moment before speaking. "Crichton is not in control or in charge, Aeryn. But he cares a great deal for you, and is only concerned for your well being."

"That's a load of dren." Aeryn said with a shake of her head. "The only thing he's done is the opposite help." For a split second the memory of his arms around her as they stood in the maintenance bay flashed across her mind.And his pleas for her to stay and his promises that he would help and support her even when she didn't want it echoed in her ears. But she shoved it all away.

"It has been a difficult time for him as well." Noranti said, her gentle voice pulling Aeryn back from her reverie. "You must be patient with him."

Aeryn shook her head. "Listen old woman, your drugs are not going to harm me, so Crichton has nothing to worry about. Things have been happening to me...I've been remembering more, and I need your drugs."

For a while Noranti only stared at Aeryn. Then, after looking around to make sure no one else was nearby, she pulled out a small bag. She took a bulg from it and held it up for Aeryn to see. "You must keep this well hidden. And use it only when you are certain no one will see you."

Aeryn nodded curtly. "I understand." She held out her hand and Noranti placed the bulb in her palm.

**She sat in her** prowler, staring at the small bulb as she twirled it with her fingers. She needed this, wanted it, but she was so afraid. Afraid of what she will see, afraid of Zhaan and D'Argo's death and the reason why her body was doing strange things. The Peacekeeper still within her pushed the fear aside and reminded her that fear was a weakness.

Without any further hesitation, she squirted the drug into her eyes and waited. This time there were voices while her eyes burned. Faint at first, but then loud and echoing in her ears.

_**"John get out of the way!"**_

_**"Let her do it! Let her shoot me!"**_

_**"No Aeryn! Don't kill her!"**_

_**"We have to!"**_

_**"You can't! There's been too much killing!"**_

_**"No. We let her live, she comes, she hunts us down again!"**_

Aeryn snapped her eyes open and was instantly shaken by what she saw. She found herself surrounded by trees and vines. There was murky mist and a foul stench in the air. And in front of her John sat over a woman, pinning her down.

"Aeryn you should not be the one to do this!" John demanded in a shout over his shoulder.

She was too shocked to really pay attention to what he had said. She was completely focused on the woman beneath him. She knew that face, she'd know it anywhere.

"She can't do it!" The woman jeered. "She's afraid!"

John was looking back at her. "Aeryn, _please_. Put the gun away."

Crias was standing next to her suddenly, but she didn't really notice. She was still utterly shocked by the sight of her mother, and she was incredably thankful that her body was keeping her eyes on her mother's face.

"You're wrong, Aeryn is right." Crais said to John. "We must not let Xhalex live! Officer Sun knows Peacekeeper regulations. If we don't kill Xhalex, she will come after us again."

_Kill_? She had tried to voice that scream, but nothing came out of her throat. Kill her mother? They couldn't! They didn't, did they?

"Aeryn is _not_ going to be the one to kill her mother!" John snapped. "You want her dead..." For a microt she thought that John was going to do it, that he had killed her mother, and she felt completely crushed. But instead he got to his feet and said to Crais, "Fine. You do it."

"As you wish." Crais agreed with a nod. "Somebody must do it."

Aeryn wanted desperately to protest, to stop this madness. She tried with all her strength to move or talk, but she knew all attemps were futile. John was prying the pulse riffle from her hands and Crais was saying something, but she didn't hear it.

"Coward!" Xhalex spat, her eyes burning with disgust. "She can't kill me!"

Aeryn's body knealt down in front of her mother, and with a trembling voice she said, "I am right, aren't I? We let you live, you come and you find us again."

"What, do you expect me to lie? To bed for my life?" Xhalex sneered. "Crais is right." Her dark eyes sharpened and Aeryn could feel them piercing through her. Her mother spoke in a cold snarl. "I will hunt you down and I will kill you!"

Tears burned her eyes and blurred her vision. She heard her own voice, choked with tears. "Good-bye mother." The tears were now sliding down her face and someone was gently tugging on her arm when it all disappeared and was replaced by black.

When Aeryn found she was back on Moya and in her prowler, her face was hot and wet from tears that were still streaming down her face. She had searched for her mother for her entire life as a Peacekeeper, ever since that night when she was child when Xhalex came to her. She had finally found her, and they killed her. Crais killed her, and she let him. She heard himself, heard her voice, she had wanted to kill Xhalex herself.

Suddenly her grief was over taken by questions. Why had Xhalex been so cold and heartless? How had they crossed paths? Why did they have to kill her? She said she would've hunted them down, why? Where the frell was that? What planet and why were they there? And why was Crais with them?

And John...John! He was there! He saw it all happen! Maybe he would provide her with some answers. He had told her she wanted to help her, support her. This was a sensitive topic that he may not want to discuss, for her sake maybe. But she had to make him, convince him to. With her heart racing, she urgently climbed out of her prowler and headed for John's quarters.

**John lifted the cup** to his lips and took a hard swallow. He closed his eyes and endulged in the feel of the alcohol sliding down his throat. He sighed heavily and opened his eyes to look out the front view window. He wanted to check up on Aeryn, but as she said, she wanted space. He knew she needed that, she had always needed that back in their earlier days. But it was driving him crazy.

And boy, could he use a good man to man conversation right now. Specifically with D'Argo. He deeply missed his best friend's advice and chatter. Even when they talked about nothing in particular, it was refreshing. He missed that and need it so badly at the moment.

Zhaan would be just as helpful. She always had advice for everything and always knew the perfect words to say. And she had this talent of refreshing confidence and hope. Not just her words, but her prescene was soothing as well. And she would be so incredably helpful to Aeryn during this ordeal.

John stared at the raslak in his cup for a while before bringing it to his mouth for another gulp. Raslak wasn't beer, never was, but it worked fairly well enough.

He heard footsteps and instantly knew it was Aeryn. He knew her different paces, the way she walked. It was most definetly Aeryn. From the swift and hard pace, she could be either pissed off or very determined about something. Maybe both. He wondered where she was headed.

Suddenly her footsteps stopped. They didn't fade away like she was still walking down the passageway. They just...stopped. It was then that he realized she was there on Command with him. He could feel her eyes on his back. As much as he was happy to be able to see her again, he was scared of her reason for being here.

"Crichton?"

He hesitated, then swallowed. "Yeah?"

"May I speak with you for a microt?"

Setting down his drink, he sat up and straight and nodded. "Course."

As he waited for her to sit at the table with him, his heart began to beat faster and a knot was forming in his stomach. The last few times she's wanted to talk to him ended badly. When those conversations didn't end in an argument, he had been left pain ridden.

Aeryn was sitting in the chair next to him now. And when he looked at her, she was staring down at her hands in her lap. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she seemed to be thinking hard about something. John was immediately worried.

"Aeryn?"

His voice seemed to snap her back into reality. She faced him and pursed her lips as she took a deep breath. When her eyes locked on his, she seemed to have her strength and confidence back. "I'm going to ask you something. And I need to know the answer. I don't want any games John. I want you..._need_ you to answer me. And tell me the truth."

John studied her a moment, not exactly sure how to respond. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and softly shook his head. "I can't make any promises, Aeryn."

"Crichton," She began, her eyes already darker and her voice firm. "I'm going to remember everything eventually. Prolonging it doesn't help, it only makes it worse."

"Aeryn, I'm not prolonging it. I'm just trying -"

"Stop." It was an order, and she was using her all business don't-frell-with-me voice, and he knew it very well. "Now I'm going to ask you. And please, John, just answer me." Her last sentence sounded like a desperate plea barely surfacing in her firm voice. And that got his attention even more than before, if at all possible.

Aeryn inhaled another deep breath before continuing. "I remembered something recently that is...quite shocking. And you were there. So I was hoping you could explain it to me."

The knott in his stomach tightened. "What is it?" He asked shakily.

"My mother, Xhalex. I remember seeing her...we were on a planet I don't recognize. Crias was with us and..." She blinked to fight back tears and when she next spoke her voice was trembling. "We had to kill her. But I don't...I only remember the conversation on why we had to, which I don't understand very much at all. I don't remember the actual killing. I was hoping that explain it to me."

John couldn't breathe and was completely frozen; and for a while he couldn't think. But once his brain started functioning again, his first thought was: frell frell _frell_! How the hell was he suppose to explain that to her? He wasn't there, that was the other Crichton! And there was no way in hell he was going to tell her that. That would just be digging a deep hole which he didn't want to get into right now. But _damn_! What was he suppose to do?

He let out a heavy sigh as he leaned his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. He felt Aeryn sitting next to him, her patience wearing thing and waiting for him to reply. His chest tightened, and mumbling into his hands, he said, "Aeryn, I...I can't answer that."

For a second there was silence, and his heart beat drummed in his ears. Then Aeryn spoke, her voice calm yet thick with venom. "Frell you, Crichton." It was a deep growl that made his insides churn.

She swiftly stood up from her chair and began to walk away. John lept to his feet. "Aeryn wait!"

Spinning on her heel to face him, Aeryn snapped at him with a bone-chilling voice. "_Shut up_, Crichton! You know, you've done nothing but been a frelling pain, and really frelling annoying! You're keeping everyone on Moya, even Pilot, from helping me! You're selfish, Crichton! So frelling selfish! You're not trying to help me, you're just trying to run from memories that hurt you!"

"Aeryn, stop."

"_No_! You told me that I would need help and support, but you're not giving it at all! The only person on this ship who's been helpful at all is _Rygel_ of all people! But you, the one person whom I trusted enough to come to about this, won't even tell me about my own frelling mother!"

Tears were now cascading down her face, and her screams were ringing off the walls. For a while they stood staring at each other, neither moving from where they stood.

Aeryn's loud, pain-filled screams were echoing in John's ears. His heart was beating so slow and hard that it felt like it would stop any second, and his chest stung from his lack of breathing. Swallowing in a dry throat, he spoke, his own voice shaky and tear-choked. "Aeryn..." It was so soft he barely even heard himself.

The look in her eyes nearly killed him. They burned with pain, anger and betrayal. She looked deeply cut and he wanted so badly to make it right, to hold her and whisper promises to her and tell her how much he loved her.

Aeryn shook her head. "Stay the frell away from me, Crichton." And whirling around she left as quickly as she could.

John stood frozen, staring at the doorway for a while. Then he stiffly turned back to his chair and slowly sank into it.

He hurt her...he God damn hurt the woman he loved with all his being! He would've told her all about Xhalex, every single detail if he could. But he couldn't, he really _couldn't_, and she thought he was just being selfish and keeping it from her. He could see it in her face, hear it in her voice, she felt betrayed by him. How the hell could he make her understand? How could he make it right? He knew he should just wait it out, that once she remebers more she'll understand. But that didn't make him feel any better, and he _hated_ waiting.

Reaching up, he wiped away the strong and burning unshed tears in his eyes, and buried his face in his hands once again.

**Aeryn dropped herself into** a chair and slowly exhaled. She felt completely exhausted, both physically and mentally. She had spent the last arn pounding on the punching tower, relieving all her stress and anger. Leaning back in her chair, she closed her eyes and tried to relax. But she was soon disturbed by the buzz of Rygel's thronesled, and already she felt her agitation being triggered.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing." Aeryn said sharply. "Go away."

"I don't have to listen to you." Rygel growled. She heard the sound of his thronesled again, and then the clamering of food containers.

She glanced at him in irritation, then closed her eyes again. "Don't you ever get tired of eating so much?"

"Don't you ever get tired of being a bitch?" He retorted.

Aeryn only smiled faintly in response. For a moment, she sat listening to Rygel's loud munching. Then, for a reason she couldn't explain and didn't even know, she asked, "Do you know anything about my mother?"

He stopped chewing, and looking up at her he asked, "Why do you ask?"

"Because Crichton's being a frellnick and won't tell me anything." She replied simply.

For a while Rygel didn't say anything, he wasn't even chewing. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. The expression on his face was very grim, more than she's ever seen him, and that perked her curiosity.

"What do you remember about her?" He asked finally.

"We were on some sort of jungle planet, and we had to...kill Xhalex. But I don't..." Her eyebrows furrowed. "I don't remember you being there."

"I was. But I was on Talyn the whole time."

She sat up straight in alarm. "_Talyn_?"

"Stark and I were on board helping him recover while you and Crichton and Crais were running around outside." He paused a moment, then went on. "I didn't actually see the...killing of your mother. But I know what happened."

"I remember that already." She said impatiently. "What I want to know is _why_ she had to be killed."

Rygel looked up at her ponderously. After a moment of hesitation, he said, "The Peacekeepers wanted Talyn back. They sent out a retrieval squad, and your mother was the leader of it. That's why she had to die."

Aeryn remained silent as the infromation sank in. Suddenly she felt angry; that was a simple explination, exactly what she wanted. Why the frell wouldn't Crichton tell her? And what puzzled her even more was that Rygel was the one being helpful, but Crichton wasn't. She just couldn't accept this, there had to be more to it, something that she was missing. There had to be a reason, a good one, as to why Crichton was acting the way he was.

"Rygel, why are you telling me all this?"

"Because you asked." He grunted, crums falling from his mouth.

"But Chiana and Pilot both haven't told me anything because Crichton told them not to." Aeryn said. "Surely he did the same with you."

"He did." Rygel nodded. "But answering your questions is a lot easier than trying to avoid them. Besides, if I didn't, it would only piss you off and cause hezmana to break loose."

She stared at him somewhat baffled. Of course she had figured that Rygel was only being co-operative for his own selfish reasons, but it would get him into big trouble with John. He obviously didn't care. But as long as he was answering her questions...

"Why is he doing this? Why is he keeping it all from me and making me remember it on my own?"

Rygel met her eyes with his. "Crichton cares a great deal about you, Aeryn. He's been worrying himself sick ever since this mess started. He's only been doing what he thinks is best for you. And it is."

Aeryn's brow creased in confusion. "Then why aren't you following his example?"

"Because the quicker I tell you what you want to know, the quicker you leave me alone!" He snapped before shoving more food into his mouth. "Now go away, I'm eating!"

Pursing her lips, she nodded, satisfied with the discussion. She rose to her feet and quietly exited the room.

**John strode into center** chamber with his empty cup in his hand. Rygel was sitting at the table, eating as usual. He reached for a bottle of raslak to pour some into his cup. "Hey Ryg."

Rygel looked up at him and glared, his mouth overstuff with food. "Go away." He growled. "For yotz sake, I can never have my peace!"

John arched an eyebrow at him. "Why? Who else was in here?" He raised the drink up to his mouth and took a sip.

"Aeryn was." Rygel grumbled while chewing.

"Was she eating?"

"No."

"Then...what was she doing?" John asked, his curiosity sparked.

"She was sitting with her eyes closed." The hynerian said, clearly agitated. "Then she started asking questions -"

"What questions?" John jumped in, now very concerned.

"She asked me about her mother."

Something Aeryn had said earlier suddenly came to mind. **_"The only person on this ship who's been helpful at all is _**Rygel_ **of all people!" **_John studied Rygel with strong suspiscion for a moment before asking, "What did you tell her, Sparky?"

"What do you think I told her?"

John slammed his cup down, swiftly walked over to the table and leaned down right in front of the hynerian's face, staring straight into his eyes. "Buckwheat, what did you tell Aeryn about her mother?"

Rygel squinted his eyes in a glare. "I told her the truth. She wanted to know how we came across Xhalex and why she had to be killed. So I told her!"

"Damn it, Rygel! I told you to keep your mouth _shut_!"

"You only told me not to say anything about the baby!" Rygel hissed. "You never said anything about the rest!"

John ran a hand over his eyes, rubbing at them with his fingertips. "What else did you tell her?" Rygel didn't reply and his eyebrows bent down. "Sparky, what else did you tell her?" He repeated, his tone sharp and cold.

"She asked me about D'Argo and Zhaan."

John closed his eyes. "Oh God..." He bit down on his lip for a minute. "What did you tell her, Rygel? _Please_ do not tell me that you told her they're dead."

Rygel hesitated, and bowing his head, he said, "Yes, I did."

John sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Then he straightened his back, licked his lips and set his hard gaze back on Rygel. "Rygel, just _keep your mouth shut_. Don't tell her _anything_ else, not a word. If she comes to you again, tell her to come to me."

"Are you fahrbot? She's not coming to you in the first place because you won't tell her anything!"

"I couldn't tell her about her mother, Buckwheat! _I _wasn't there!"

"I know that!"

"So shut up and stay out of it!" And he quickly whirled around and stormed out.

**She remembered her hands** being cold and sweaty, and she remembered how she wouldn't let herself look at him. And the words they had exchanged made her smile and made her heart flutter. She remembered her anticipation after she had returned his words, waiting for something to happen. And she remembered the wonderful feeling that washed over her when he turned her to face him and gently brushed her hair away from her face. Her heart had hammered as he leaned closer to her, and when his lips had touched hers...Her smile broadened at the memory of the feel and taste of his mouth.

She loved him. It scared the yotz out of her, as it did then, but _frell_ she loved him! And she soon realized that was why his recent behavior hurt so much, why she had felt so betrayed. But she also realized that he loved her back, and what was happening to her must be very hard on him. Still, he had no right to make decisions for her and refuse to help her. She felt so torn suddenly, that tears sprung to her eyes.

It's been two cycles since they confessed their love to each other. How far had it gone between them? What all had happened in those two cycles? There were obviously things that were painful, at least to John. She could tell by his reactions, like the coin toss or that ring. She didn't want to put him through more pain, but she needed answers. And it was selfish of him to not explain things to her because he didn't want to relive it. But deep down, she knew that was not his reason. He wasn't so insensative, he was warm and loving...he was _Crichton_.

She had recieved some answers, however. It was a huge relief that Scorpius' chip was no longer in John's head, that he was no longer being controlled or tortured by it. And Zhaan...how she had given her life...She didn't yet remember the delvian's death, but the answer to how was obvious. It made her feel so guilty, responsible for her good friend's death. And because of such reasons, she had pulled away from John and their kiss and told him that they would not act on their love. He had understood her reasons, but she remembered the look on his face; she had hurt him. And pushing him away like that had put Zhaan's sacrifice in vain.

Tears now crawled out from her eyes onto her cheeks and slowly rolled down. She was so confused, so lost, so torn. She wanted her memories to come back so much faster, but then she wanted it all to return so very slowly. She wasn't sure what she wanted or what she felt. Everything was so frelling confusing and so jumbled; and there were small gaps that frustrated her.

Her thoughts went back to John and that kiss. She smiled again, remembering the feel of his lips and tongue. The way his hands warmed her and made shivers run down her back and how he had buried his hands in her hair. It was nothing like the kiss in the transport pod or that night on the fake Earth, it was entirely different, it was so much more. And she liked it; frell, she loved it! And suddenly she realized with a tightening of her chest that she missed him. Every encounter with him lately had been angering and frustrating, and they had all ended badly. She wanted to see his mischevious, lopsided smile and the sparkle in his blue eyes...she wanted a peaceful moment with him. She needed that right now, so badly. And the only way she could get it would be to talk to him and try to set things straight. Because thinking back, she knew how much she had hurt him recently. Especially in their last argument. She had to make it right, she had to talk to him.

**He sat on the** edge of his bed, leaning his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face. He hated himself at the moment. He never wanted to make her mad and he never wanted to hurt her. Yet it seemed like that was all he was doing lately. And he berayted himself harshly for it.

With a sigh, he laid back on his bed. It seemed too big and spacious now; and cold, so very cold. And it was hardly used anymore; it use to be occupied so very often, even when it wasn't during the sleep cycle.

Closing his eyes, he thought back to the last time she had been in it with him, a few arns or so before she left for that damn planet.

_**He was awake and hardly tired, but he lay stretched out on the bed resting. There was nothing that needed doing, and everyone was busy. And he had nothing to do, so here he was.**_

_**His heart skipped when he heard Aeryn enter the room. But he was startled slightly when he felt her climb on top of him and rest comfortably against him. He opened his eyes and smiled sheepishly at her.**_

_**She was leaning over him, staring down at him with a small smile and her hair was spilling down around them. "Hi."**_

_**"Hey." He replied.**_

_**"I'm not bothering you, am I?"**_

_**"Course not."**_

_**She studied him a moment, her eyes glistening. "Why are you in here? And why are you on the bed?"**_

_**"Cause I'm bored."**_

_**Her smile widened as she bit down on her bottom lip. "I bet I can change that." And leaning down, she tenderly kissed the new scar above his eyebrow.**_

He sighed shakily, trying to loosen the tightness in his chest. He flung an arm over his eyes and swallowed. He felt so empty and lonely suddenly, it felt like it was weighing down on him and it was unbearable.

Suddenly he heard a soft voice. "John?"

Pulling his arm away from his eyes, he lifted his head to see who it was. A knott clogged his throat at seeing Aeryn standing outside the open doors. Something was most definetly wrong, he could see it in her composure.

"May I come in?" She asked once he looked at her.

"Yeah." John said, sitting up suddenly. "Sure, come on in."

Aeryn slowly walked in, looking uncertain. She stood in front of him for a second or two before sitting down next to him on the bed. She was silent, staring at the opposite wall. He could tell from the way she blinked and the way she was chewing on the inner side of her lower lip that she was fighting back tears. It made his stomach clench with worry.

"Hey," He said softly, hesitantly reaching out to gently turn her face so he could look at her. "Aeryn, what's the matter?"

For a second she only stared at him. Then she turned her head, pulling away from the gentle caress of his hand against her chin. "I want to apologize...for my outburst earlier."

John stared at her, momentarily perplexed. Then he shook his head. "Aeryn you have nothing to apologize for. I deserved it."

"That's not true, John, and we both know it." Aeryn said, shaking her head. "I've gotten more of my memory back and I realized...how hard this must be for you. And I know you better than to think those things I said." Her eyebrows furrowed. "I just...I need to know why, John. I need to know why you won't tell me anything." She turned to look at him.

He looked away from her gaze and rubbed his eyes. Don't blow it, don't blow it, don't blow it! he repeated sharply to himself. He wet his lips with his tongue before speaking. "Aeryn, it's not that I'm trying to keep your memories away from you or hide anything, I _want_ to help you. It's just that, some things...a lot of the last four cycles have been...painful. And a lot of it would just be easier for you to understand and accept if you remember them on your own time. To see and understand the things that lead up to those events and why they happened. I just thought that...it'd be less painful and confusing for you that way."

It was a moment before Aeryn responded. "Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"I tried, but you wouldn't listen." He pointed out.

She bowed her head as if in shame. He wanted so badly to hold her, but he wasn't sure if that were a good idea.

"I need you, John." She said quietly. "I don't like to admitt it, but I do. I need your help to get me through this."

John stared at her, silent and unmoving. He was shocked by her words, yet so incredably relieved. He breathed deeply, feeling as though a heavy weight had been lifted off his chest and shoulders.

Slowly, he reached out to her and pulled her towards him. He wrapped his arms gently around her, and he smiled a little when she snuggled closer, resting her head against the crook of his neck. He inhaled the scent of her hair, the scent he missed so much, and his smile widened. He kissed her head gently and said in a soft voice, "I'm here for you, Aeryn."

"John?"

"Yeah?"

He took in a sharp but silent breath as her hand slid across his stomach to his side and hugged him tightly. She leaned harder against him, almost as if she were afraid of what she was about to say. Then in a soft and quiet voice, she told him, "I love you."

_**After about ten minutes** she fell asleep in my arms. And damn, it felt so good to have her that close again! She's still asleep now. It was hard to make myself do it, but I slid away from her and eased her down on the bed. She looks exhausted; I'm sure she hasn't been getting much sleep. And by the look of her hans, she's been wearing herself out by punching the crap outta that Peacekeeper cushion. And it doesn't look like she's been using gloves either. Hopefully she'll let me treat them later._

_Now that we've talked, at least a little, I feel more relaxed. At least she'll trust me and listen to me. And things won't be so painful anymore...for a while anyway. I'm hoping I can get her to trust me enough before she remembers the other Crichton's death, to not push me away, like she did before. That's what scares me the most, is when she remembers that. Yes, because I'm selfish and that hurt so damn much, but also because...it nearly killed her. She was so empty and cold after that...I don't want her to go through that again. So I'm hoping I can get her to trust and love me enough before she gets there that she'll let me continue helping her. I can't let her go through that alone. I won't._

_Love...she told me she loves me. God, some days I thought I'd never hear her say that again. I don't know how much she remembers, but I can make a pretty good guess. Things should be pretty calm and peaceful for a while, until she remembers that I got twined. She'll probably distance me a little and wonder what happened to the other one. And once she remembers that one of us went with her on Talyn, she's gonna wonder which one I am. Hell, that's gonna drive me nuts. I'm just hoping that I'll be able to handle it. _

_And seeing her asleep on our bed again...it's easy to think that I have my wife back. God, I just miss her so frelling much._


	7. Chapter Six

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe)  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**CHAPTER SIX**

**He sat on the **floor, leaning against the side of the bed, watching her as she slept. He ached to get back up there with her, but he wasn't sure what her reaction would be once she wakes up. Plus, he doubted he'd be able to control himself, and he didn't want to get himself into such a situation. And he didn't want to put Aeryn in it. It just wasn't a good idea.

She had been sleeping soundly for over an arn now. She had looked so peaceful it had made him smile. But now her eyebrows were furrowed just slightly and she had been shifting around a bit. He didn't know if she was dreaming, or if more memories were coming back. It could've been both. At first he wasn't sure if he should wake her or not, but then decided not to. She could very possibly get mad at him for disrupting a memory, and she needed the sleep.

Her eyelids fluttered and he felt his heart skip and he sat up straight. She shifted, rolled onto her side, and after a moment her eyes slowly opened. It took his breath away; he missed the sight of seeing her wake up. A small smile played at his lips as he gazed at her.

"I fell asleep?" She asked, sleep still lingering in her voice.

John nodded. "Yeah. You were pretty tired."

"How long was I out?"

"Little over an arn."

Aeryn began to sit up. "I didn't mean to...I'll leave now."

"Aeryn," He put a hand on her arm, stopping her from getting off the bed. He locked his eyes on hers. "It's okay. Stay here, you need to rest."

She stared at him a moment, then she shook her head. "No John, I -"

"Aeryn, please...stay."

She gazed at him, and for a second he was afraid she would insist on leaving. But instead, she slowly laid back down and looked up at him. After a while he couldn't resist the temptation to touch her long, sprawled out hair, and he twisted a soft strand between his fingers. _Damn_, he missed the feel of her hair!

"John, are you all right?"

He looked from the dark and silky hair around his fingers to her face. She was looking at him half confused and half concerned. He nodded as he let go of her hair. "Yeah, I'm fine." His eyes wandered to the soft, pale skin on her neck. He shook himself and looked away before the temptation to kiss her there over came him. "Did you...did you sleep okay?"

Aeryn shrugged. "I suppose so."

John met her eyes again. "You were...a little restless. I wasn't sure if I should wake you." She didn't respond, she only continued to stare at him. "Was it a dream, or were you remembering something?"

She was silent for a while, her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she thought. "It was more...just images, flashes, people and places I don't recognize or understand. And there were voices..." She shrugged it off and shook her head. "Nothing really. That happens all the time."

He felt some relief. He had so badly hoped she had remembered more, yet at the same time he had been terrified of what she might've remembered. He was pulled from his thoughts by the cool and gentle touch of Aeryn's fingertips on his temple. He looked at her, his heart beating faster, and saw the small concern in her expression. This baffled him; what did she have to be concerned about? His breath caught in his chest when her fingers slid down his cheek to his jawbone. He turned his head, nuzzling his nose into her hand and kissed her palm. It was a habit of his, and just for this brief moment, he could pretend he had her back. Completely.

Taking her hand in his, he kissed her scabed knuckles tenderly. "We'll have to fix these." He said softly, grazing his fingers over the broken skin. "You really have to stop doing this."

There was a brief silence before she spoke. "Why are you on the floor, John?"

"What?"

"You were up here when I fell asleep."

A lump formed in his throat, and he unsucessfully tried to swallow it. "I um...I just thought...I wasn't sure..."

Aeryn was fighting back a smile, and he began to smile as well.

"Get up here." She ordered.

John froze. "Aeryn, I don't think -"

"_Crichton_." Her voice was firm and frustrated, and her smile was now gone.

He studied her a moment, not sure what to do. He didn't trust himself to get up there with her. But she was staring at him with something in her eyes that made his stomach twist up. He ached to be close to her, to feel her warmth...but he just did not trust himself.

"If anyone on this ship needs sleep, it's _you_." Aeryn said, her tone still firm. "Now get up here."

John gave in and climbed onto the bed. His breath was shallow and his chest was tight. He laid down on his back next to her, and bit down on his tongue when she scooted closer to him. She herself seemed hesitant about this, and he could feel that she was stiff. For a moment they were both tense and still, hardly breathing. He knew he could comfort her, make her relax. It would most definitely help her, and he wanted to help her in every way possible. He loved her enough to be able to keep himself and his hormones under control. She needed this, she needed him.

He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to get himself to relax. Once he felt less tense, he reached out to her and pulled her closer. As he wrapped his arms around her, he could feel her stiffen up even more. "It's okay, Aeryn." He whispered softly. "It's all right, just relax." He nuzzled his nose into her hair and slowly ran his hand up and down her back.

Very slowly, she began to relax. Each time his hand ran across her back, her muscles loosened a little more. Soon her stiffness was completely gone, and his heart hammered even harder when she snuggled up against him. He smiled, and just for this moment, he pretended he had his wife back.

**John popped some food** into his mouth and blocked out the annoying humming coming from Noranti. As he chewed, he thought back on the earlier events. Aeryn had fallen asleep before he had, and he used that opportunity to drop a kiss on her neck and tell her that he loved her. He had never said it back when she had said it the night before, he had been too stunned to barely even breathe. But he decided that it didn't really matter since she had fallen asleep the moment the words left her mouth. It was only later that he realized he had been too scared to say it. Even though she had said it to him, he was worried it might frighten her. It wasn't time yet, she wasn't ready.

When he had woken up, he was alone. He didn't know what he was expecting, but he had felt disapointed. He hadn't seen Aeryn since.

"Hey old man." Chiana greeted as she sat down next to him.

"Hey Pip."

She leaned in close, examining his face. "You look better." She said, leaning back. "You finally get some sleep?"

"Yup." John nodded.

"Good." A moment passed in silence before she spoke again. "S-so uh...how're things with Aeryn?"

He froze for a second, then nodded slightly. "Good. Better than...before."

"So...you guys talked, straightened things out." She stated with a small smile.

He shrugged. "You could say that."

"So things are okay between you two?"

"Uh huh."

She studied him, and after a moment her smile faded. "So what's wrong? Why aren't you happy?"

"I _am_ happy, Pip. It's just..." John sighed and leaned his face into his hands.

Chiana swallowed and licked her lips. "It's the other Crichton."

He nodded against his hands. "Yeah."

"Crichton, I..." She paused before continuing. "Does she...does she remember him?"

"No, not yet." He replied, rubbing his eyes with both hands. "But she will. Very soon."

"W-What are you gonna do?" She asked nervously.

John shook his head. "I don't know." He fell silent and stared off into space.

Chiana pursed her lips, concerned. Lifting her hand, she rubbed his back. "Hey, it'll be okay." She assured him softly. "We'll get through this."

He shook his head. "Things are only going to get worse before they start getting better." He swallowed, and when he spoke again he sounded so broken. "What happened to him...what it did to her...you saw how she was. Now, with the memory loss...with _me_ here...things are gong to be so confusing and mixed up for her. I'm just afraid of what it'll do to her."

She rested her chin on his shoulder. "As long as you're there for her, she'll be fine. You just have to be strong."

"Easier said than done."

"Look," Chiana began. "She trusts you and she loves you. She needs you, Crichton. Yeah, she'll probably get cold and scared and push everyone away, especially you. But you can't let her, you can't back down."

John stared at her for a moment in silence, then smiled faintly. "Since when did you get so smart?"

"I've always been smart!" She retorted with a smile. Then she leaned against him and kissed him on the cheek. "You'll get through this." She whispered. "And before you know it, you guys will be frelling each other again."

He smiled at that, but shook his head sadly. After running a hand over his eyes one more time, he looked back at Chiana. He only smiled weakly, then stood up and walked away.

**Aeryn hoisted herself onto ** the console and sat down in front of him. "Pilot, I need to speak with you for a microt."

"Go ahead, Officer Sun." Pilot replied.

She took in a deep breath and pursed her lips before speaking. "I wanted to apologize for my earlier behavior. It was inapropriate and inconsiderate of me."

Pilot regarded her for a second with a small frown. "You have nothing to apologize for, Aeryn. I understand what kind of stress you've been under."

Aeryn shook her head. "That's no excuse. You did nothing to deserve that. I knew better." She bowed her head and swallowed. "I...I was angry with myself, and with Crichton. I took it out on you...I blamed you." She shook her head again. "That was wrong." She looked up at him again and reached out to gently stroke his face. "I am so sorry, Pilot." Even after she stopped talking, she still heard her voice. It was faint and it echoed in her ears. **_"You know we all want the same thing, Pilot. Peace."_**

"Officer Sun, you need not explain yourself." Pilot said. "I understand your anger at that time. You did nothing so extreme as to apologize for."

She still heard his voice in her mind. **_"Moya and I will have no part in mass murder."_**

Aeryn shrugged it away and faced Pilot again. "Still, it was wrong and unnecassary. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry, and it won't happen again." **_"None of us want to, Pilot. But if we don't, the outcome will be worse."_**

"I accept your apology." Pilot said after a moment of silence. "But I still do not believe it is necassary."

She smiled at him, feeling a sense of relief. "Thank you Pilot."

Pilot stared at her, seeming hesitant. When he spoke, his words came out haltingly. "Has your...memory come ?"

"No, not yet." Aeryn said with a shake of her head. "But I feel that I'm getting close. More comes back every day."

"Moya and I have been very concerned for you." He confessed, his tone of voice sad and expression grim.

She smiled faintly. "Well, please tell Moya for me that I'm all right now."

"I will." Pilot studied her, more was on his mind but he was uncertain about saying it. Finally, he said, "Commander Crichton has been very worried for you as well."

Aeryn's stomach knotted up and she swallowed hard. "I know." Wanting to end the conversation, she stroked his face one more time. "Thank you for your time, Pilot. I'll leave you to your duties now."

Pilot only nodded in response.

Once Aeryn climbed off the console, she looked back over her shoulder at Pilot. He seemed completely concentrated on his duties once again. She faced forward and began walking to the door. She was at the entry way when she heard Pilot's voice. **_"Are not Stark and the Eidalons preferable to the wormhole weapon?" _**

She froze and her lips parted as her eyebrows furrowed. She swiftly turned half way to look back at Pilot. "What was that, Pilot?"

He looked up at her with a slightly perplexed expression. "I said nothing, Officer Sun."

Aeryn looked away from him, a bit embarrassed. That voice had been in her head then, another snippet of the conversation she was remembering in the past few minutes. "Oh, well, I thought I heard you say something."

"Are you all right, Aeryn?"

"I'm fine, Pilot." Aeryn said with a wave of her hand. "I'm just tired." She stepped through the doorway and into the passageway before the conversation went any further.

**She was shaking as** she climbed into the cockpit. Once she was in the seat, she leaned back and took a deep breath. She could not _believe_ that she had made such an offer! What had she been thinking? She remembered that at the time it seemed like a good idea. Sure, relieving tension was a big part of it, but to say that was the only reason was lying to herself. She had wanted him,_ bad_, even though she told him they would not act on their love. He hadn't gone for it though. She remembered his reaction clearly. **_"Let me check my diary and get back to you later in the week." _**

Her breath caught in her chest, remembering the way he pressed against her from behind, his lips pressed against her ear and his hot breath tickling her skin as he said, **_"Is this for you or for me?" _** She shivered at the recollection of his warm fingertips grazing across her collarbone. But even after he again refused the offer, he had kept himself pressed against her and he had opened his mouth against the skin on her jaw. He had wanted her, she could tell, even now. And she had offered it again. **_"I don't need your emotions. But we can have sex if you want."_**

Her cheeks burned as the next part played out in her mind. She had been so determined as she stood in front of him, pulled down the zipper on her shirt, and then fell through a hole. How convenient. But she would never forget the look on his face right before she fell, as he realized what was happening and what he was about to see. She smiled and couldn't help but wonder what would've happened had the floor never collapsed under her, if she had gotten to pull her shirt open. She stopped those thoughts instantly and told herself not to go there.

But suddenly she longed for Crichton. Part of her wanted to go to him, while the other part was uttery terrified of just seeing him right now. Love was something still fairly new to her, and she felt she would never get use to it. She had felt so good in his arms, so safe and happy, so warm. And she had slept the best she had in a very long time. But when she woke up on his bed, she had been scared and alarmed and suddenly felt a strong desire to leave. But he had made her stay, and while part of her was glad that he did, the other part was scared stiff. But it seemed that her Peacekeeper side was over powered and she found herself craving him and demanding he get back on the bed with her. She had wanted to get close to him, feel him, but she had still been uncertain. But once he slid his hand up and down her spine...all doubts, hesitations and fears melted away. He had a way of doing that, and it amazed her. Yet once she woke up, spread out on top of him, all of her uncertainty came flooding back. She had rushed out of his room and had been avoiding him all day since. She felt a little guilty now, and hoped that by leaving like that, she hadn't hurt him. He was sensitive like that, and she knew he could very well be angry.

"Aeryn?"

Her eyes snapped open in startlement and she swiftly looked for the the source of the voice. She already knew who it was, and her throat swelled at the sight of him. She tried to swallow the hard knott in her throat before speaking. "Crichton..."

For a second, he stared at her with an expression of suspicion. Then he began walking towards the prowler. "What are you doing in here?"

"Nothing." She said abruptly. She took in a deep breath, then said, "I'm just thinking."

John leaned against the prowler, keeping his eyes on her. "Haven't seen you since last night. You okay?"

Aeryn nodded, not looking at him. "Yes I'm fine." He was silent, and her heart began to hammer. Soon she could no longer resist, and she turned to look at him. The look on his face made her freeze; his eyes were dark with deep concern and sorrow, his eyebrows were curved upward, slightly wrinkling his brow, making him look more worried. And his jaw was set tight. It was so innocent and so Crichton, it made her chest tightened.

He reached out and softly stroked her face with the back of his fingers. His gaze was locked on hers, his blue eyes mesmorizing her. "Are you sure you're all right?" He asked softly.

She didn't blink or take her eyes off his as she slowly nodded. "I'm sure." A brief silence fell between them before she broke eye contact. After licking her lips and swallowing, she said, "I've just been getting more memory back, and I needed space."

John's hand went still, and after a brief moment of silence, he asked, "What do you remember?"

Aeryn glanced at him quickly, then took a deep breath before beginning. "I remember the Commerce Station, the storms that were sent to attack it, what happened with D'Argo, Chiana and Jothee, and Zhaan...and that little discussion you and I had about charity." Her breathing was now shallow and she couldn't bring herself to look at him.

After a minute, he cleared his throat. "Oh, well that's uh...that's good."

She suddenly felt the urgency to change the subject. "How long did Zhaan suffer?"

It was a while before he spoke. "Aeryn...she didn't die the way you think she did."

Finally she looked at him, her eyes dark and sharp. "And just what is that suppose to mean?"

John pursed his lips in thought before answering. "She was dying from...from the trade...but that's not how she went."

Aeryn's eyes stung with tears and she spoke with a small tremble in her voice. "How then?"

He hesitated, and she could see his own eyes were becoming glossy. "There was a situation that...required someone to...sacrifice themselves in order for the rest of us to live." He swallowed before continuing. "Moya and Pilot were dying and we were stuck with them. Zhaan...insisted that she be the one to do it. It was quick and painless, and it was what she wanted. Stark said she died completely at peace."

She closed her eyes and leaned back in the seat. She bit down hard on her bottom lip, fighting back tears. John touched her hair, slowly brushing his fingers through it, and instantly she felt calmer. She exhaled slowly, and turning her head she pressed her cheek against his palm. He was always so warm and so soft...He began to brush his thumb across her skin, and for a while she sat still and enjoyed it.

But something came to mind and lifting her head up from his hand, she opened her eyes to look at him. "John, there's something else."

The gentle look on his face became serious. "What is it?"

"I...I've been remembering small parts of conversations...very faint voices, and they don't seem to be in the correct order. But it's something about a war, and something called Eidalons..." She stared at him. "And something about a wormhole weapon."

John stared at her, frozen, his expression unreadable. Then he stiffly pulled his hand from her hair and stood up straight. After a moment, he looked down at the floor. "We shouldn't talk about that yet."

Aeryn didn't press it, knowing it would get her no where except in a very bad and pointless argument. And she didn't want to argue with him anymore. So she merely nodded and said quietly, "Okay."

He looked surprised at first, then relieved. He pursed his lips as he nodded. "All right, well um...when you feel up to it, meet me in the medical bay. I wanna treat those hands of yours."

He smiled faintly at her, and there was something in the way he was looking at her that made Aeryn want to kiss him. But he turned around and began walking away. She watched him until he was no longer in sight.

Once she was sure he was gone, she leaned back in her seat again and pulled out the drug from Noranti. She stared at it, hesitant. John would be angry if he found out she was still doing this. His voice echoed in her head. **_"It's just that, some things...a lot of the last four cycles have been...painful. And a lot of it would just be easier for you to understand and accept if you remember them on your own time. To see and understand the things that lead up to those events and why they happened." _**She understood, but part of her still felt that these drugs would be helpful. She had a craving for her memories, and she couldn't resist.

After once more making sure she was alone, she hastily sprayed the drug into her eyes. She closed her eyes and waited through the strong stinging. And once it subsided, she opened her eyes.

The first thing she noticed was that it was dark and cold. Then her attention was drawn to the bright, flashing neon lights outside the open window. And then it came to her attention that she was laying down.

"You can't bring me back you know." It was John's voice, and it was right next to her ear, his tone gentle and sorrowful. It seemed as though he was right behind her, but she couldn't feel him. And what did he mean about being brought back?

Next she heard her own voice, and it was slow and breathy, tired. "They said that...on this planet, there's a...I've forgotten his name."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

Silence fell and she quickly became uncomfortable. Where were they? Why couldn't she feel him? And what the frell were they talking about?

"Was it easy to be a hero? Leave me behind?" Her voice was now quiet, but thick with...sorrow? pain? mourning? This greatly toubled her. And what did she mean a hero and leaving her behind? This didn't make any sense!

The tone of his voice matched hers when he spoke. "You never think...you're gonna die. I didn't know."

Die? What the frell? What in the name of Cholak was going on? Suddenly she felt frightened, so very scared and she wanted out. She wanted it to stop.

Her body moved, turning back towards him...or where he should be. "You...you did!" She said with a smile.

"No."

She saw him now, so close against her she should be able to feel him, feel his warmth. But she didn't, and this perplexed her. Her body smiled up at him. "Yes, you did!"

John shook his head, and as he leaned closer to her, he whispered, "No."

His mouth was only inches from hers, and yet she still did not feel him. She wanted to cry out, kiss him, touch him, make sure he was there. But she had no control. And just when her body tilted her lips up to his, it all stopped.

When her senses returned and she was back on Moya in her prowler, she was shaking. She suddenly felt hollow and scared. And sorrow spread throughout her and she felt...depressed. That memory greatly upset her for some reason, and it was causing these odd emotions to rise up in her. It was so very confusing. They had spoken of bringing him back and of death. Had he died and then was somehow brought back? But it didn't make any sense to be talking to him about his death and bringing him back! She couldn't talk to him if he was dead! No, it must've been something else. And why hadn't she been able to feel him? She should've been able to, but it felt like she were laying there by herself.

She berayted herself harshly for using the drug. This was exactly why John didn't want her to use it. She regretted it now, and climbing out of her prowler, she tossed the bulb on the floor and stepped on it. It popped under her foot with a crunch and she felt a little better, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Yet she remained deeply shaken by this latest memory, and the deep feeling of sorrow still lingered inside her.

**John tossed the metal **ball back and forth between his hands. He sung quietly to himself as he paced around the room. It had been half and arn since he left Aeryn in the maintenance bay, and he was getting worried. He tossed the ball faster as his impatience grew. What the hell could be taking so long? What was she doing?

Then he heard footsteps and spun around to face the doorway. Aeryn stepped in and relief washed over him.

"Sorry I took so long." She apologized. "I just -"

"Aeryn, it's okay." John interrupted, a gentle expression on his face. "I was just...worried about you, is all."

Aeryn smiled a little, and he thought he detected a bit of discomfort in it. She slowly approached him and stood in front of him. She stared at him for a moment, then she hesitantly reached up to his face. Her hand froze in mid air, just inches from his skin. Then, slowly, she gently touched his temple. She stared at him with a look he couldn't quite read, and he became worried. Her fingers slid down his cheek to his jawline, and then down to his chin. He gazed at her, curious and confused. A smile slowly crept to her lips and she went back up to his cheek, stroking softly with her fingertips. She looked so...relieved.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Aeryn...you all right?"

She nodded and pulled her hand back, much to his disapointment."Yes, I'm fine."

For a second he studied her, not sure he believed her. But he nodded softly, and taking hold of her hand he lead her over to a medicine covered table. He reached for a glass vial and a cloth and poured some liquid from the vial onto the cloth.

"John, do you know what you're doing?" Aeryn asked with some skepticism.

"Yes, Aeryn. I asked Noranti about it, and she showed me what to do." He reached for her hand again and examined the wounds. Looking up at her again, he said, "This'll probably sting."

He gently began to dab the wet cloth over her knuckles. Silence fell and dragged on, and it was annoying John to no end. He carefully glanced at Aeryn, but she seemed to be off in another world. He didn't like it at all and it made him uncomfortable and worried.

"So what're you thinking about?" He asked suddenly, still cleaning her hand.

Aeryn snapped out of her reverie and she looked at him almost alarmed. "Nothing. Nothing important anyway."

John looked down as he reached for her other hand to clean it. "You look like something's on your mind."

"As I said, Crichton, it's nothing important."

He looked up again and set his eyes hard on hers. "Something's troubling you, Aeryn. I can tell." She averted her gaze from him and looked as though she were fighting hard to keep her emotions masked. "Aeryn," John began with a soft voice. "If you don't want to talk about it yet -"

"It's not that, John." She said with a shake of her head. "It's just...I'm not sure how to explain it to you." Still not looking at him, she bit down on her lower lip. "I...I have this memory where I'm with you, and...we're on some planet that I've never seen before. You're there with me, but..." She shook her head. "I dunno, something's odd about it. You were right behind, but I...I couldn't feel you." She sighed shakily. "And the things we talked about..."

"What?" He urged on calmly.

Aeryn closed her eyes and her brow creased. "Something about not being able to bring you back...and being a hero, leaving me behind." She opened her eyes to look at him, tears lingering on the rims. "You said something about dying."

John's stomach dropped and the air was suddenly very heavy. He wasn't there, that was not him, he knew that. But something wasn't right about it...Suddenly it clicked and time seemed to stand still. That wasn't him, but it wasn't the other guy either. She said he was there but she couldn't feel him, they talked about dying and leaving her behind...It must've been sometime after the other guy's death, before she came back to Moya. When she was grieving...His chest tightened with deep pain and all he wanted to do was reach out and hold her.

"John? Is this something we shouldn't talk about?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

"Um..." He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah we, uh...we're not ready to go there yet." When he looked at her and saw how shaken she looked, he said softly, "Aeryn, try not to think about it. Okay?"

She only nodded.

He studied her a moment longer before moving his eyes back to her hand and began dabbing at her knuckles with the cloth again. He swallowed in his tight and dry throat, and concern and sorrow pounded through him.

He glanced up at her again, and something caught his attention. Her eyes were unusually red. Not teary red, but just...red. A feeling formed in his gut that he did not like. Her eyes had looked that way once before, when he had found her spaced out with Noranti's drug in her hand. He bit down on his tongue in anger. He had to be careful here, this was dangerous territory. He could very easily upset Aeryn, and God knows he did not want to do that.

"Aeryn," He swallowed to lessen the tightness in his throat. "Are you...you're not still taking drugs from Noranti, are you?"

Her eyes instantly locked on his, and a moment passed in silence before she answered. "No, of course not."

He didn't believe her. "Aeryn, I'm not...I won't get angry. Just please, tell me the truth."

Aeryn inhaled shakily, then nodded. "But this was the last time, I won't do it again."

"Yeah, Aeryn, but you're gonna say the same thing one more time. Then the next hundred times after that!"

"No I won't John. I destroyed it. I don't have it anymore."

"You'll still go to Noranti -"

She shook her head. "No."

John studied her and saw the sincerety in her eyes. But he still was not completely assured. "Promise me."

"What?"

"Promise me, Aeryn, that you won't take anymore drugs from Noranti."

He kept his hard gaze on her as he waited. Aeryn shifted her eyes away from him, and he saw the muscles in her jaw flex. She was thinking it through, he could tell. Promises were not something to be broken to Aeryn Sun. Period.

Finally she nodded, and looking him in the eye, she said, "I promise."

**He walked in with** a fake smile plastered to his face. "Pip, Granny and Buckwheat!" He exclaimed. "You're all here!"

Chiana looked up at him. "What's with you, old man?"

"Ah nothing. Just wanted to have a little chat with Grandma." He said, sending a glare towards Noranti.

"Why? What'd she do?" Chiana asked, now standing next to John.

"Me? Oh well, I haven't done anything!" Noranti said cheerfully.

John shook his head, the fake smile still on his face. "Oh no, you didn't do anything at all." His smile vanished in that instant and his glare became like cold and sharp daggers. "You only gave Aeryn more drugs! Even after I told you not to!"

"Oh, no no no no!" Noranti sang, shaking her head. "It's not what you think!"

"Don't give us excuses you fekkik!" Chiana shouted, now angry as well. She stepped closer to the old woman, her voice now a low growl."Tell Crichton the truth."

"Fine." Noranti said with a sigh. "The truth is Aeryn came to me and asked for more."

"And you just gave it to her?" Chiana asked with angry disbelief.

"Damn it, Noranti!" John said through gritted teeth. "We've talked about this already! Why the hell did you give her more?"

"Because she's completely fahrbot!" Rygel chimmed in.

"Yes Sparky, thank you for the news flash." John growled with irritation.

"Why are you doing this, Wrinkles?" Chiana asked firmly. "Aeryn is Crichton's mate, _he_ makes the calls. So why did you give her more of your dren?"

"Aeryn needs help."

"Not that kind of help!" John snapped.

Noranti looked at him. "It is her choice." She said calmly.

John shook his head. "Oh no it's not."

"You're going to shoot her out an air lock, aren't you?" Rygel asked. "You said you would!"

John studied the wold woman, actually considering it. But he shook his head. "No, I'm not gonna do that." He took a step towards Noranti, his glare becoming harder. "Stay the hell away from Aeryn." He ordered in a low voice.

"Or I'm gonna kick your eema!" Chiana added in with an amused smile.

John kept his glare on Noranti for a while longer, before exiting the center chamber.

**Aeryn sat on her **bed, scared, confused, and unsure what to do. At first it had only been small pains every once in a while. But throughout the day the pain had been increasing, and now her breasts hurt like hezmana. It was starting to cause fear to build inside her, and she didn't know what to do. She couldn't go to Crichton about this, that would be down right embarrassing and he wouldn't have a clue anyway. She had thought of going to the old woman for a pain reliever or something, but she wasn't exactly comfortable with that either. She knew that if she approached Chiana about it, the young nebari would relay the news to John, and she didn't want that to happen. Rygel and Pilot were out of the question.

Suddenly she felt a warm dampness and she looked down at her shirt. Frell, she was leaking again. What the frell was going on with her body? Was this possibly a side effect of the old woman's drug? That made her stomach knott up, and soon she was convinced that was the cause. She gritted her teeth in anger; frelling old woman! She could've at least told her this would happen!

Jumping to her feet, Aeryn grabbed her leather vest and hastily put it on. It would hide the wet spots on her shirt. Then she rushed out into the passageway and walked quickly as possible without running in the direction of the showering facility. She prayed that along the way she wouldn't run into anyone. Especially Crichton!

**_"I know it's not as bad as the last time, it's not the Cro-Magnon_** **_copy of the alien nation reject. But you can tell I'm the original, right?" _** Aeryn halted; what the frell? Where did that come from? That was most definetly John's voice...what was that about being the original? She shook her head and continued her quick pace. She did not need this right now, and she didn't want it. She was in the middle of something serious for Cholak's sake!

Next came the images, and the ones she did catch made her freeze again. Was that...was that _two_ Crichton's she saw? She waited a second, hoping to get a better glimpse, hoping that more images would come. But there was nothing, so she continued walking again.

There were faint, echoing voices, overlapping each other and mixing. She sharply shook her head once to make them go away, but instead they got louder. Some of them she understood, those that were clear enough.

**_"That's _**my**_ stuff. And _**you **_are the clone!" "You wear that so I can tell the two of you apart." "Is there something that uh, you're not telling?" "You do know John, that if we do revive Talyn, we have to starburst immediately and we can't go back." "Yeah, I know he's an ugly, loud mouth son of a bitch, but I can't stand around and watch him die." "Because you're closer!" "Aeryn, you can see the difference?"_**

Aeryn stopped again as memories played across her mind with images squeezed in. She remembered the transport pod coming back with not one, but two Johns. The scene of the two Crichton's playing that silly human hand game stuck in her mind for while. Then she remembered the two of them arguing right in front of her, each one calling the other the clone, asking her if she could tell who was the original and who was not.

Completely shocked, she stiffly sank to the floor, leaning against the wall. And she stayed that way for a long time as more memories came flooding back.

**He sighed heavily as** he sank down on his bed. He leaned his elbows on his knees and rubbed hard at his eyes. Everything was so frustrating and it was really starting to piss him off. Especially Noranti. How many times had he talked to her about those drugs? He wasn't sure exactly, but it's been far too many times. If she kept doing things like this he would seriously lock her up in a cell.

And Aeryn...he could feel this time of peace with her slipping through his fingers. She was catching up fast, and soon, very soon, she would remember the twinning. He needed more time to build up her trust, but he knew he couldn't have it. His time was short, he could feel it. He didn't have a second to waste, he had to find her, spend as much time as he could with her.

Springing to his feet, heart hammering, he went to look for Aeryn. He would find her easily, there were only so many places she spent her time. And if he had any trouble finding her, he'd just ask Pilot for her location.

It wasn't long before he heard the familiar sound of the Peacekeeper punching tower being pounded. He cautiously peered into the room and saw Aeryn punching away. He was relieved to see that she was wearing the padded gloves. It looked like she had been in here a while, her face and arms glistened with sweat.

Walking over to the edge of the Peacekeeper mat, he watched her a while longer. She didn't seem to notice him. "You really shouldn't be doing that until your hands heal." He said loudly over the punches.

Aeryn stopped, and breathing hard, she leaned against the triangle tower. After she caught her breath, she swallowed. "So which one are you?"

John didn't understand and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What?"

She looked up at him, and her eyes made his stomach churn. They were cold and distant, sharp and piercing. "One of you came with me on Talyn."

It was then that it hit him and his body failed to function. He stood completely frozen and the silence between them dragged on for what seemed like arns. When his brain started working again, his only thought was that he was too late. He swallowed, but it didn't make the tightness in his throat go away.

"Which one are you, and what happened to the other one?" Aeryn's voice was cold and demanding. And she was glowering at him like he was a complete stranger and possible enemy.

John licked his lips and stiffly shook his head. "Aeryn..."

"Is this something that I'm not ready for? Something we shouldn't talk about?" She asked sharply.

He only continued to stare at her, not knowing what to do or say. Finally he shook his head. "No, Aeryn, it's not that -"

"Then _what_? What are you so afraid of, Crichton?"

John gazed at her, pain squeezing his gut and stinging his chest. Damn, he wanted to talk, say something! But he couldn't bring himself to, he couldn't even think clearly. Why was it so damn hard? He knew this was coming, that it would happen eventually. It was because he was afraid of being pushed away again, rejected, being the one she thought was the clone. And he was afraid of her icy, emotionless attitude and composure. He was just so scared...

Aeryn shook her head with a smirk on her face. "Frell it. I should've known you wouldn't be any help. I'll find out on my own, then." She roughly pulled the gloves off her hands and quickly walked past him and left.

He stood there a while longer, his heart pounding in his ears. Then he closed his eyes and let out a sharp breath. He bit down on his tongue for a while, but it wasn't helping. The tears he had been fighting burst out from beneath his eyelids and he instantly wiped them away.

_**I swear Noranti must** have brain damage or _something_ because she just does not seem to get it! DON'T GIVE ANY DRUGS TO AERYN! How hard is that to understand? That crazy old woman has her own agenda a lot of the time, and that thought is not comforting. She obviously must think she's helping, but it's only making things harder on Aeryn. And Aeryn seems to be addicted to them, or at least likes to use them. That's not comforting either. She promised me she wouldn't use them anymore, and I believe that, but I just...I'm just worried about her._

_God, I knew my time was short, but it happened a lot sooner than I had expected. I thought I'd at least have 'till the end of the day. I know that's not a lot of time, but it's better than the few short arns I had. I mean for crying out loud, Aeryn only just decided to trust me last night! I'm happy that she's progressing and getting more of her memory back, 'cause then I'll get my wife back quicker. But it's just...it's frelling frustrating is what it is!_

_I should've answered her. God knows I wanted to, but I just...I just couldn't. She's pretty pissed at me, I can tell. I guess I can't really blame her. And she's gonna stay the hell away from me, now that she knows there were two of me. And once she remembers her time on Talyn with the other Crichton...it's gonna be bad and I'm scared to hell. Hopefully her progression won't slow down any, I'm hoping it'll go faster so that we get past this stage quicker. But I seriously doubt that fate will be that kind._


	8. Chapter Seven

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating: **PG-13 (Just to be safe )  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**Author's Note:** Yay! I've done it! This is chapter I've been waiting a long time to write! It's a litte shorter than usual, but it's still fairly lengthy. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, I was so excited to finally be able to do it! I've been thinking about it a looooong time! Okay I should stop now so that you can get on with reading it! Forgive any spelling mistakes, as usual, leave feedback please, and enjoy!

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

**Chiana stood in the** doorway, watching Crichton pace back and forth across his quaters. She had been standing there for a while and he still did not notice her. Something was most definitely wrong; she could tell by the way he constantly wiped at his mouth and rubbed his eyes. And he only paced like this when something was really bothering him.

"Crichton?"

He didn't seem to hear her.

"_Crichton_!"

He snapped his head up to look at her while still pacing. "What, Chiana?" He asked irritably.

She took a couple steps forward into his quaters. She was a bit nervous as well as concerned, seeing how on edge he was right now. "Wha...what's going on?"

John stopped pacing, facing the wall. He put his hands on his hips, and said with a sharp tone, "Aeryn remembers that there were two of me."

Chiana was silent a moment before responding. "Oh..."

He turned to face her, rubbing his eyes with one hand. "I just wasn't expecting it to happen this soon." He shook his head and then continued pacing.

"It's gonna be all right, Crichton." She said after a minute of watching him.

"No, Chiana, it's not!" He said, whirling around to face her again. "'Cause any time now, she's gonna remember her time on Talyn with the other guy! And then she'll remember his death! She's going to treat me like I'm the clone all over again, and I don't think I can handle that!"

Chiana licked her lips and swallowed. "Well, uh...it won't last very long. I mean, she'll start remembering more...her time with you."

John stared at her, teary-eyed. "You don't know that. It could be a while before then." He sank into a chair and sat motionless, staring into space. It was a while before he spoke, and he sounded so worn out and hurt, it nearly broke her heart. "I don't think I can do this."

"But you...well you don't have a choice!" She said as she took a couple steps toward him. "You have to be strong, Crichton. For Aeryn. 'Cause you know...she's gonna remember you and the baby...everything, real soon." She knealt down in front of him. "And she's gonna need you through all this. Even if she doesn't know it or doesn't want it."

He stared at her, looking completely drained; both emotionally and physically. He shook his head softly. "I should've told her."

"What? About the twinning?" Chiana asked, both surprised and confused. "What good would've that done?"

"I dunno. Maybe...maybe it would've made it easier for her. At least it would've prepared her for it. And maybe...maybe it would've made her trust me more..." John shook his head and leaned his face into his hands. "I don't know. I just should have told her."

"Well what...what're you gonna do now? Are you...are you gonna tell her about the other Crichton? What happened to him, I mean."

John didn't respond immediately. He moved his hands to briefly scrub his eyes, then down to wipe his mouth. "I don't know." He said quietly. "I don't know what to do, Pip."

Chiana swallowed and moistened her lips with her tongue. "Well, uh...maybe...maybe you should talk to her. You know, explain things."

He dropped his hands from his face and looked at her. "And just what would I tell her, Chiana? 'Hey Aeryn, just wanna let you know that you and the other Crichton ran off on Talyn, had a great time and fell in love. But then he died!'"

"I...I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what, Chiana? What am I suppose to say?"

"Just...just talk to her, Crichton. Try to work things out. If you do that now, then maybe...maybe she'll trust you more later."

John didn't say anything and looked away from her to the chess pieces on the table. Chiana rose to her feet and slowly ran a hand through his hair. She leaned down to kiss the top of his head, and then she turned and walked out.

**Aeryn gritted her teeth** as she took another hard swing at the punching tower. She remembered it now; Crichton had nearly died, she had thought he was dead. And that recording, that frelling recording that Talyn had created. John had been so hurt, so crushed, she remembered the look in his eyes. And she could even hear it in his voice, **_"Aeryn I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not your husband, I'm not your anything. You can do what you want."_** The kiss, sweet and tender, had lead to other things. A blast of heat pulsed through her body at the rememberance of his mouth on her neck, her lips...And the confrontation with her mother...that all made sense now. And the way John had been so gentle and careful with her after Xhalex's death, and the drexum, the mist...she couldn't fight back her wide smile. They were so perfect, _he_ was perfect, so frelling perfect.

Frell, she loved him. So much that sometimes it scared the dren out of her. She had been so infuriated at Talyn for all the trouble he caused, trying to kill John and creating that recording. And the words that came out of her mouth...they even shocked her. **_"Talyn, I want you to share something with me. Before he dies you can taste something that is denied to Peacekeepers. Something that you will never know. Can you feel that? Good Talyn. That is what it is to need someone." "You are like a plague, John Crichton, and you have ruined my life. And yet...I just keep coming back." _**Yet after that night, all the universe seemed a better place and she had never felt so light hearted. John Crichton did things to her that she never imagined possible, he made her feel what she never even thought of.

Her smiled died as her thoughts went to the other Crichton, the one she had left on Moya. Which one was with her now? Her love, the original, her John...or the other one? She threw her punches even harder. This one _couldn't _be the copy, she would never be with him like this. Ever. She would never leave John like that; why would she? Still, she couldn't help but wonder what had happened to the other Crichton. Had he gone off on his own, left Moya? Maybe went back to Earth? Or he have died?

Despite her self assurances, she continued to wonder which one was with her now. How could she tell? He most certainly wouldn't tell her if she asked. And they looked exactly the same...the scar! John had a scar above his left eyebrow, and this one with her did as well! Pure relief washed over her and she was smiling again.

Suddenly the last few solar days came to mind. She has been so horrible to him, has been treating him so frelling terrible. She had yelled at him, cursed at him, blamed him for everything, insulted him...He didn't deserve any of it, he has done nothing but love her and try to protect her. Her stomach twisted up into a hard, tight knott and she felt nothing but searing guilt. This wasn't right, none of it was, it was all completely frelled up. It shouldn't be like this, it wasn't suppose to be.

She swung one final punch, so strong it knocked over the punching tower. She hurridly pulled off her gloves; she had to make things right.

**John softly ran his **thumb back and forth over his bottom lip. He had been sitting here for at least an arn now, studying the chess board. He had started out thinking of his first move, even though all he could do was move a pawn, but his mind would not stay focused. His thoughts kept wandering back to Aeryn.

She was angry with him, no doubt, for not replying to her question. If he had told her which of the two Crichtons he was, it wouldn't have affected her now. But later she would still treat him the same way, like he was a stranger, an alien; something other than John Crichton. And he felt cold guilt for not explaining the twinning to her before she reached that point. He did believe that it would've made the recollection easier for her, even if just by a little.

He was afraid that she would break her promise of not taking any more drugs from Noranti. He feared this for two reasons: one, at this point, he meant nothing to her, he was just the _other_ one, the copy; and therefore the promise could mean nothing to her. And two, knowing that she was on Talyn with the other Crichton, she would be hungering for her memories, wanting to know everything that had happened. Talking to Noranti hasn't proved of any help at all on this matter in the recent past, and he knew talking to Aeryn would accomplish nothing but raised voices...most likely.

John closed his eyes as Chiana's voice echoed through his head. **_"Just talk to her, Crichton. Try to work things out. If you do that now, then maybe...maybe she'll trust you more later." _**He knew Aeryn completely by now, but during that third cycle, all that time she was gone...and she had come back a completely different person. Different even from her early Peacekeeper days. He didn't know her then, and he wouldn't know her now. He would just have to wait for her to get past this stage in her memory. But damn, it was already driving him nuts, and he hated waiting!

A familiar gentle voice broke through his thoughts and pulled him back to reality. "John?"

He looked up, and when he saw that it was Aeryn, he was instantly on his feet. He stood silent, staring at her. Something was...different, _she_ was different...somehow. She at least didn't look angry, which was a relief, yet a bit baffling. She walked into his quaters and stood in front of him, never taking her eyes off him.

John swallowed and tried to speak, his voice quiet. "Aeryn, I -"

She stopped his lips with her fingertips, and softly shook her head. His eyebrows furrowed slightly at this action. Then she smiled ever so softly, and leaned towards him. Her hand was on the back of his head, gentlying pulling it down, and her mouth touched the scar above his eyebrow. John closed his eyes, heart hammering and completely frozen. Her lips gently played at his skin, and her tongue briefly brushed across the scar. She had done this a lot recently, ever since he got the scar, in fact. His heart nearly stopped with realization; this was a fairly new habit Aeryn had developed, which would mean...she was back. Completely. She had to be! Why else would she be doing this? She remembered him, he had his wife back!

Aeryn left his eyebrow and softly brushed her nose against his. She parted her lips, her warm breath tickling his skin. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, and carefully slid her lips against his.

John stood completely still as she sank into his mouth. His mind was blank, completely gone. He reveled in the taste and feel of her, of her lips gently pushing on his, her tongue carefully exploring. She had been cautious at first, and hesitant. But now she pushed harder, dug her tongue deeper, demanding response. And he gave it to her.

He abruptly pushed hard against her mouth and reached to the base of her skull and tilted her head to bring her lips up closer. She responded fiercely and tugged on his vest to pull him closer. His heart was hammering even harder now, drumming loudly in his ears. His whole body burned with love and desire; he had missed her so frelling much!

Pulling back from the kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers, completely breathless. She had her hands on his face, gently caressing; another thing he had missed immensly. "Aeryn..." His hoarse whisper died away, and he moved his mouth down to her neck, nibbling and tasting her soft skin.

After a moment, Aeryn spoke, still somewhat breathless. "John, where's Crais and Talyn?"

He paused, not comprehending. "What?" He murmured warmly against her neck. She tasted so good...

"We were with them for nearly half a cycle." Aeryn reminded him. "After we dealt with the retieval squad, what happened?"

John froze and his blood ran cold. Very slowly, he leaned back from her neck to look at her; she was watching him with curiosity and small concern. His throat tightened and his stomach twisted up, and suddenly his mouth tasted sour. She didn't know that he...she thought..._frell_. Biting down hard on his tongue and swallowing, he stiffly pulled his hands away from her and took a small step back.

Aeryn stared at him quizically. "John? What's the matter?"

He took a couple more steps back, not taking his eyes off her, feeling numb.

Her expression became grim. "Did something bad happen to Crais and Talyn?"

It took him a second to realize she had spoken. He cleared his throat as he bowed his head to scratch behind his ear. "Uh yeah, something...bad...happened to them."

"_What_ happened to them, John?" Aeryn asked, taking a couple steps towards him.

John could feel her gaze on him, and it felt like a heavy weight. Still staring at the floor, he shook his head and spoke softly. "Aeryn, it's...you're not...we shouldn't..." He couldn't think, his thoughts were in a big mess like an explosion had gone off in his mind. He was also preoccupied with what had just happeend and that Aeryn thought he was...

"It's all right, John." She said quietly. "I understand."

She was standing right in front of him now. She reached out to his face and gently pushed his head back up so that she could look at him. John kept his eyes off her though. He felt her hand on his face again, soft, smooth, caressing, and it nearly melted him. She briefly stroked his hair, then ever so softly ran one finger over his scar. "We have other things to talk about first."

John placed his hand over hers, pressing her palm firmly against his cheek. "Yes we do." He agreed, his voice rough yet quiet and calm. He slowly pulled her hand away and said, "But not now." He turned his back to her, and just to distract himself, he reached for a nearby bottle of raslak.

After a moment Aeryn spoke, her voice firm with worry. "John, are you...are you all right?"

He bit his lower lip very briefly before answering. "I'm fine."

"Listen, I know we need to talk about the last few days and -"

"No, Aeryn, it's not that. It's not anything." He turned to look at her. "I'm fine. I'm just...I'm just tired."

For a few seconds, Aeryn's stare remained hard with concern. Then her features softened and she took in a deep breath. "Well then, we can talk later."

Silence fell and John held his breath, afraid of what might happen, afraid of what she'll say next. But he only heard her swift retreating footsteps. And once they had faded away to where he could no longer hear them, he let out a heavy, trembling breath and sunk down on his bed.

**"Don't you worry, little** guy." Chiana crooned softly. "Crichton and Aeryn will be back soon. They have some things to take care of." He stared up at her, his big eyes filled with curiosity and wonder. She smiled. "Don't worry, Crichton's taking care of her. She'll be back soon. I know you haven't see him in a while either, but he hasn't forgotten about you. He'll come and visit soon." She kissed him softly on the forehead. "They both love you so much, Little Crichton. Don't ever forget it." Her smile boardened. "But if you ever get sick of 'em, you can come hang with me. You and I will have a blast. Being with me is always fun."

She carefully laid the baby down on the bed. She studied him for a while longer, then she stepped out of the room and passed her hand over the door controls. Once the door closed, she turned and headed down the passageway.

After a few minutes, Chiana was startled to see Aeryn, her stride swift and her expression determined. Chiana's throat knotted up and she swallowed nervously. When Aeryn was like this, it meant something bad. And she was down here for a reason.

"Hey Aeryn." Chiana greeted, her voice slightly shaky. "Wha-what're you doin' down here?"

"I need to talk to you and I figured you'd be here?" Aeryn answered curtly.

Chiana cocked her head to the side slightly. "Why'd you figure that?"

"'Cause this is where you were the last time. Look, Chiana -"

"Aeryn, if this...if this is about something you remembered -"

Aeryn sharply shook her head. "It's not. It's about Crichton."

Chiana stood still, staring at the older woman. She was afraid of what Aeryn was about to say. "W-what about him?"

Aeryn hesitated, then cleared her throat. "He's just been acting...not like himself."

"Oh. Well uh...he's been really stressed Aeryn, w-with what's happened...t-to you..."

"No, Chiana, not like that. This was different."

"What d'you mean? How...how was it different?"

Aeryn averted her eyes from Chiana. She put her hands on her hips and chewed on her lower lip. She actually looked a little embarrassed. "I kissed him, and -"

"You did _what_?" Chiana asked sharply, taking a step toward her.

Aeryn stared at her, eyes a bit wide, worried she had done something horribly wrong. "What?"

"Why the frell did you do that?"

"Why _not_? I have every right to, Chiana! We were together on Talyn for nearly half a cycle!" Aeryn shouted in anger. "I remember that, Chiana, and I know how hard this has all been for John. I was only trying to apologize and make up for my behavior!"

Chiana stood frozen as it donned on her; Aeryn thought that this Crichton was the other one. Frell...

"Then I asked him about Crias and Talyn, where they are, what happened to them." Aeryn continued, calmer now. "That was when he started acting...different. At first I had thought that it was because something bad had happened to them." She shook her head. "I don't think so now."

Chiana swallowed hard and licked her lips, trying to think of a false explination. She couldn't tell Aeryn the truth. "Well, he...you cared about Crais and Talyn, especially Talyn. And...Crichton, he just...it was painful for all of us Aeryn, but for you...he just doesn't want you to relive that. Not yet anyways."

For a moment, Aeryn stared at Chiana, thinking over what the nebari had said. Then she shook her head. "No, Chiana, I don't think that's it. I'm sure he feels that way, but I don't think that's why he was acting strangely."

Chiana shrugged and moved to step past Aeryn. "No one knows what goes on in Crichton's head."

Aeryn snagged Chiana by the arm with a tight grasp. She set her dark eyes on Chiana's. "What aren't you telling me, Chiana?"

"Frell of, Aeryn!" Chiana pulled her arm out of Aeryn's grasp. "I don't know what's wrong with him!" She lied. "Life has been hezmana for him ever since you got that frelling heat delirium! He's hardly eaten, he hasn't slept, and he's been driving himself fahrbot worry about you! He's just stressed out!"

Before Aeryn could respond, Chiana spun on her heel and walked quickly away.

**She was unconvinced and** she was angry with Chiana for not telling the truth, at least not the whole truth. But her growing concern for John outweighted her anger. There was a strong feeling in her gut that she was the cause of his odd behavior. He had looked and sounded truly shaken, but she still could not figure out by what. Her mention of Crais and Talyn would be the logical answer, since it was then that he acted strangely. But that conclusion did not satisfy her, it had to have been something else. But she couldn't in the name of Cholak put her finger on it, and it frustrated her to no end.

This would have to wait 'till later, as there was something else that required her immediate attention. Her breasts were hurting like hezmana, and it caused her to recall the old woman and her drugs. What was happening to her body was a side effect of those drugs, she was sure of it. There was no other logical explination. And right now, she was on her way to find Noranti so that they may discuss this.

Once Aeryn reached the center chamber, she cautiously peered in to make sure Noranti was there. Then she glanced down the passageway to make sure no one else was around. When she decided it was all clear, she stepped into the chamber and hurridly shut the door. She whirled back around to find the old woman glancing at her with curiosity, but continuing on as if she hadn't noticed Aeryn's pressence or the fact that she had shut the door.

Aeryn took in a slow, deep breath and set her dark stare on Noranti. She walked towards the old woman, her stride casual yet determined and confident. "Noranti, we need to talk."

She didn't even so much as glance at Aeryn. "What do you want to talk about?" She asked innocently and with a cheerful tone.

"Something very odd is happening to my body, and I know that it's a side effect of those drugs you gave me."

"There are no side effects." Noranti stated simply, not paying much attention to Aeryn.

"Don't you lie to me, old woman." Aeryn warned with a chilling voice.

"I'm not."

"Then what the frell would be causing it?"

"What is the problem exactly?"

Aeryn hesitated, embarrassed and not sure how to explain it. Her words came out haltingly. "I...my...my chest has been hurting and...doing other things."

Noranti went still, her mouth parted but she quickly closed it again. She glanced at Aeryn from the corner of her eye, then going back to her cooking, she said, "I do not know the cause of that."

Aeryn didn't buy it. She had seen the way the old woman reacted, how she had looked at her; she knew. Aeryn's anger ignited and in one swift, smooth motion, she pulled out her pulse pistol. Noranti took a couple steps back in alarm, her eyes wide. "Now you listen to me old woman." Aeryn snapped. "My patience is really frelling close to running out. So I suggest you start telling me the truth."

Noranti was silent at first. Then she seemed to relax, and in a gentle voice, she said, "You gave birth to a child only a couple weekens ago. That is why your body is doing those things."

For a moment, Aeryn only continued to glare at her, her expression still hard with anger. Then she errupted with laughter, her voice ringing loud in the small chamber. After a second, she finally spoke, her voice shaking with laughter. "That's a good one, old woman! Me? Have a child?" She shook her head at the absurdness, her laughter dying to chuckles.

"It is true, Aeryn!" Noranti said, stepping forward. "What else would cause you to feel those things?"

Aeryn tightened her grip on her pulse pistol, keeping it aimed at Noranti. She studied the old woman with high skepticism. She didn't trust Noranti, she was just a crazy old lady. But there was one person whom she knew would not lie to her about such a matter.

"Pilot?" Aeryn called.

Pilot's image appeared on the clamshell. "Yes Officer Sun?"

"Pilot, did I give birth to a child?"

"It's all right, Pilot." Noranti said, walking towards the clamshell. "Tell her."

Pilot looked from Noranti to Aeryn, hesitant.

Aeryn took her eyes off the old woman to look at him. "Pilot, please. I need to know."

Still looking uncertain and reluctant to answer, Pilot finally replied. "Yes Officer Sun. You...did give birth."

Aeryn's lips parted and her hands went cold.

"Thank you Pilot." Noranti said with a slight bow, and Pilot's image disappeared.

Aeryn's arms slowly dropped, and she held the pulse pistol loosly with her fingers. Staring into space, she said quietly, "I...I have a child?" She wanted to ask who the father was, but really, she already knew. She felt some relief in that, but she was still utterly shocked and terrified. She turned to Noranti. "Show me. Show me when I...when it happened."

"I cannot pinpoint the actual birthing." Noranti said. "But I can show you memories about the baby."

Aeryn nodded. "Do it."

Noranti cautiously approached Aeryn, and once she was within range she blew a thick, flaky powder into Aeryn's face. Aeryn's head jolted back and she hissed sharply, her eyes burning immensly. She swayed on her feet, trying to keep her balance; she stumbled over to the wall to lean on for support. Her eyes were still shut tight with tears leaking out as she rubbed hard at them, wanting the painful burning to stop. Next she began to shudder and her palms became cold and sweaty. That had never happened before, this must be a different drug than the one she had been using.

The shuddering subsided, as well as the burning. And when she opened her eyes, she found that she was still within her present body, she could move at her will. In front of her was John and herself, both kneeling down with serious expressions on their faces.

Aeryn heard her voice first. "I wasn't going to tell you about the pregnancy, until I was sure."

Crichton looked up at the other her; he looked hesitant and hurt. "Sure you were pregnant, or sure who the father was?"

"Chiana will be killed."

Chiana? What the frell did she have to do with any of this?

"Yeah it's Chiana's fault. Why don't you blame her?" John said in a sarcastic yet soft voice. He hung his head, and the look he expressed nearly broke Aeryn's heart. "It's the other Crichton's." He stated in a mumble.

Aeryn's heart dropped; the other Crichton's? The one she had left on Moya? The baby came from...from the clone? No, that couldn't be! That didn't make any sense! This one was her John, he _was_. He had to be.

What she heard herself say next nearly gave her a heart attack. "There's no distinction in my mind anymore."

To Aeryn's disappointment and anger, the scene before her changed. And what she saw next scared her stiff and her breath caught in her chest. She saw herself strapped down, and a scarren was leaning over her, shooting a ray of heat at her face.

"Whose child is it?" The scarren demanded.

"I don't know!" The other her shouted with her voice trembling and going weak.

The scarren bared his teeth. "Is the child John Crichton's?"

Much to her relief, the scene changed again, and she was back on Moya. Water was leaking out of the ceiling and spraying in from the sides. She saw herself, whom had a bulging stomach, and John, along with some of their friends.

"All right, be careful." John called after the other her.

Aeryn watched as the other her turned back towards him and said, "I'm pregnant John, not incapacitated."

The image blured, and the bluriness intensified and then melted away. As it left from her eyes, she began to see Moya around her again. Her eyes were still burning faintly, and her palms remained cold and sweaty; and she was still shuddering, but only slightly. She was now huddled on the floor, leaning her shoulder against the wall. And Noranti was kneeling next to her, watching with curiosity and possibly faint concern.

Aeryn looked up at her and opened her mouth to speak, but was too shocked to actually voice anything. She closed her eyes and swallowed, then tried again. "I have a child." She stated shakily. "John and I...we have a child."

Noranti nodded softly. "Yes. You and Crichton."

**He hadn't moved from** his position on the bed. And as he sat there, he felt like everything was crashing down around him. He could feel his hope slipping away, vaporizing. He was just so crushed and stunned and he felt completely lost. And part of him was beginning to think he had lost her. He suddenly felt so tired and worn out, emotionally and physically, but he wouldn't give up, never. Aeryn would come back, she would remember him and everything that had happened. She would remember their relationship, their marriage, and their son. She would be his wife again.

"Crichton?" It was Chiana, but he didn't move to acknowledge her. She walked further into his quarters. "Uh...Aeryn, she um...she told me what happened."

That got his attention and he looked at her with suprise. It wasn't like Aeryn to tell people about stuff like that.

"Well, she didn't really tell me." Chiana corrected herself. "She just...she uh, asked me about...why you acted the way you did. Pulling away and being distant."

John returned his gaze to a spot on the opposite wall. "She thinks I'm the other guy."

"I know." She sat down next to him on the bed and studied him for minute. Then she put her hand on his shoulder and rested her chin on it. They sat in silence for a long while.

When John spoke, his voice was low and a bit raspy. "I was expecting her to keep me at a distance, treat me like she did when..." He paused and shook his head. "Not this. I wasn't expecting this."

She gently squeezed his shoulder and leaned into him harder. She felt her eyes tearing up, feeling so heartbroken for him. She moved her head to lean her forehead on his shoulder. She wanted to say something to him, something comforting and reassuring; something to ease his pain even if by just a little. But she could find no words for him. So instead she moved her hand up to stroke his hair and kissed his shoulder. After a minute or two passed, John stretched his arm out and wrapped it around her waist. Chiana looked up at him again and saw his eyes gloss over with tears.

**Aeryn watched from the** doorway, unnoticed. Her brow was creased and her breathing shallow. She was still greatly shaken by it, but it had been easing off as she watched Chiana with him. She had to admitt, seeing the infant touched her in a way she had never before experienced. It was different even from the way John made her feel. She had even eventually smiled when it giggled and waved its small arms. Still, she remained uneasy.

She had never imagined giving birth, let alone getting to keep the child and raise it herself. And it was fathered by a mate of her choosing, someone she loved. At first she couldn't for the life of her figure out why she would release the stasis, but she had realized that it had been for John. Only for him would she ever agree to do it, and only he would ever be able to make her _want_ it. John Crichton was an amazing man who did amazing things to her.

Chiana crooned to the baby, and it responded with shrieks of laughter and giggles. Chiana smiled widely and kissed it on the head. Never had Aeryn seen such a sight, and never had she seen Chiana behave in this way. Was this the way babies were treated, how people interacted with them outside of the Peacekeepers? Was this how it was suppose to be?

The young nebari, still smiling sweetly, began to gently sway back and forth, softly rocking. She didn't take her eyes off it and hummed peacefully. The baby soon fell silent and it's eyelids slowly dropped. Aeryn stood still, completely awed by what she was seeing. This sight alone added to the new feeling she was experiencing.

Chiana then turned, and lifting her eyes, she saw Aeryn. Instantly, her humming and gentle rocking stopped, and she stared at Aeryn panic striken. "A-Aeryn...I...I..."

"It's all right, Chiana." Aeryn said softly, taking a couple cautious steps forward. "I know about the baby."

Chiana's shocked and panicked expression changed to one that of utter confusion. "Y-you do?"

Aeryn nodded. "Yes."

"H-how? I mean, did Crichton tell you?"

"No."

"Then who? Who told you?" Panic and anger were rising in Chiana's voice.

"No one told me, Chiana." Aeryn replied.

"Well then how? You...you couldn't have remembered everything you?"

Aeryn shook her head. "Not everything. Just small flashes, brief memories."

"Oh..." Chiana looked relieved, but not by much.

"Chiana, can I..." Aeryn paused, licked her lips and swallowed. "May I hold him?"

Chiana looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms. "Oh...sure. Of course." She took careful steps, so as not to wake the baby, toward Aeryn and slowly eased him into Aeryn's arms.

Once Aeryn had a firm hold on him, craddling him against her, the new warm and fuzzy feeling she had magnified enormously. Almost immediately she smiled, wide and bright. And she couldn't resist touching him, ever so softly stroking his head and cheek with one finger. He moved slightly, cuddling closer against her warm body. Suddenly having a child didn't seem like such a bad thing anymore.

Aeryn suddenly thought of something and looked up at Chiana. "Chiana, please don't tell John that I know about this, about the baby."

Chiana looked confused, stunned and uncertain all at the same time. "Wh-what?"

"I don't want him to panic. He's got enough on his mind already."

"But you'd...you'd tell him, right? You can't just keep this from him, Aeryn."

"I don't intend to hide it from him, Chiana. The main reason I asked is because I want to talk to him about it myself." Aeryn explained.

Chiana looked calmer now, but still unsure and uncomfortable. "Okay. Good." She brought her dark eyes back up to rest on Aeryn, sharp and piercing. "But if you don't tell him...I will."

_**How could I not** know? How could I not see it? I mean, you'd have to be the absolute most brain dead person in the universe, which I obviously am. Honestly, there's only one reason why Aeryn would've done that in her current state. I cannot believe I didn't figure that out. How could I have possibly thought that her memory was completely restored when just a few arns ago she was asking me which of the two Crichtons I am? It's 'cause I'm a big, fat, frelling idiot, either that or I have brain damage. Probably both._

_And talk about throwing me way off balance! As I said to Pip, I was not expecting this. I was always just scared about Aeryn remembering the other guy, his death. It never really occured to me that she'd think I'm him. Sure, I went over the 'what if,' but I wasn't actually considering it as a possibility! I should have though. I should've been ready for that possibly happening. And I should've known when she kissed me. Some husband I am._

_I have to say though, for the brief time it lasted, it was incredable to be kissing her again. But once I realized who she thought I was...my mought just tasted...bitter. It's not Aeryn, it was just my shock, and yes I admitt, my old jealousy coming back. I am over it, I swear, it's just that...back then, Aeryn did see us as two different men. And it hurt, it was so frelling painful. And I was so full of jealousy of the other Crichton...To have her kiss me like that and think...God, it just hurt._

_I can't even begin to describe how damn scared I am of what'll happen now._

Well?? What'd ya think? Tell me tell me!  
Chapter Eight is all in my head! Big things are gonna happen. Hehe, big things. I've got to write it all down in outline form, but I know what I'm doing. So I should have it up soon! Sorry I didn't have this one up sooner!

Budong!

HRS


	9. Chapter Eight

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe )  
**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**Author's Note: **Ok, there is something that I feel I need to say. I appreciate everyone's feedback of course, but there are some things that I think some of you are missing. A few of you have said that John is acting a bit out of character, that he would be stronger and not such a wuss, and that he wouldn't have such little faith in his relationship with Aeryn. I had thought that I made this clear in the story, but apparently not, so I'll try to fix it, but here it goes: It's not that John doesn't have confidence in his relationship with Aeryn, and he knows that things will be back to the way they were soon. It's what's keeping him going. But he's just SCARED. It's a normal human reaction to such a situation. If your spouse had total amnesia like that, and the doctor told you it'd all be okay and your spouse's memory would fully recover,(Okay I know that's not likely to happen, but just go with it! ) you'd still be on the tip of your toes and scared stiff through the period of your spouse remembering everything. John is just scared and worried for Aeryn, because a lot of those four years were very painful and they had a lot of ups and downs. Yes, it was painful for him too, but he's mainly worried about Aeryn and the effect it will have on her. Talyn-John's death majorly affected her, and he remembers that, and he knows what kind of pain and sorrow she went through, and he doesn't want her to have to deal with that. It's painful for him to have to watch her go through that, and add on his own pain of remembering these things and having Aeryn think certain things about him, and he's been worrying about her 24/7 so yeah he'll seem a little weak. Plus you have to consider what I've brought out numerous times, John's hardly had any sleep at all. It all adds up and it becomes a big weight he's carrying around on his shoulders. He's mentally, emotionally and physically wearing out. I touch on this a little bit in this chapter. I just wanted to clear up any misunderstandings. I thought that was clear, but I guess not. So I'll try to put more emphasis on that in the future.

I just wanted to make those things clear. I hope that explination up there helps a little! Thanks for taking the time to read this, those of you who did. I appreciate it! Anyways, I hope this helps and thank you all for reading my story and for your wonderul feedback, I do truly appreciate it! Now then, on with chapter eight! There are bound to be spelling errors, as usual, so please forgive, and enjoy! :)

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

**The vast amount of **stars stretched out endlessly before him. He sat cross-legged on the floor gazing out at them. It was early in the sleep cycle, and as usual he couldn't sleep. Being by himself in that room made it feel like a dark and cold cell. And he would be haunted by the recent events and of what may happen next, depriving him of sleep yet again.

He ran his tongue over his lips and then pursed them, closing his eyes. He could not shake the taste of her, the way she felt before his mouth had turned sour. It was always right there, pushing all other thought away, forcing him to remember. And it never stopped, it was always lingering on his lips and tongue, tickling and burning at the same time.

He didn't want to think about it anymore. He didn't want to think about the last few days at all. He just wanted to fall into a deep sleep without dreams until her memory is fully restored. He didn't want to do this anymore, he didn't want to relive all the pain.

But he would because he had to. For Aeryn. She needed him now, and would continue to need him until this was over, even if she didn't want him. He couldn't give up on her, abandon her to deal with her memories herself. Just that thought alone nearly tore him apart. This would all be over soon, another day or two. He could wait for her, he would wait for eternity if he had to. Because he was so hopelessly in love with her.

He just felt so drained, so utterly exhausted. And even still he could not sleep.

He vaguely took notice of the soft swishing sound of the door opening behind him. Soft footsteps and a presence next to him did nothing to him either. But when he heard his name, he stirred. He looked up and felt a mix of emotions when he saw her. He didn't try to make sense of his jumbled and blurred feelings, it was nearly impossible and would only frustrate him. Besides, he was too tired.

She didn't say anything to him. And after a moment she sat down next to him. He had moved his gaze back to the stars, but he could feel her eyes on him. He remembered when not too long ago it was a good feeling that made his stomach flutter. But now her gaze was like a heavy burden, burning his skin.

"John we need to talk." She said after a long, heavy silence.

"Okay." He agreed, his voice low with a small rumble of weariness. "What do you want to talk about?"

There was a brief pause before she replied. "Why didn't you tell me about our child?"

John nearly choked and he snapped his head up to look at her. Cold fear was already swarming in his stomach, and he barely got his voice to work. "H-how...how did you know about that? Did...did someone tell you?"

Aeryn softly shook her head. "No John, no one told me about it. I remembered it myself."

"You remember it?" He repeated.

"Yes. Only brief memories, but enough for me to know what's going on." She shook her head slightly. "I didn't believe it at first. I didn't think it was real." Taking in a deep breath, she looked at him again. "So why didn't you tell me?"

John had trouble finding the right words. "I wanted...I didn't..." He stopped, closed his eyes and breathed in a slow, deep breath. "It would've scared the hell outta you, Aeryn. I didn't want that to happen, that's the last thing I wanna do to you."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Aeryn asked abruptly.

"Yes, Aeryn, of course." He said, locking his eyes on hers. "I just...I wanted to wait until you were ready, when you were more caught up." He looked away from her, not able to keep his gaze on her any longer.

After a short silence, Aeryn spoke softly. "It's all right John. I like it. He is a beautiful baby."

John looked at her with surprise. "You've seen him?"

She nodded and smiled faintly.

That she was happy about it wasn't exactly comforting. It was better than scaring the crap out of her, but she still didn't know who he was. How is she going to react once she finds out? Thinking about it scared him, so he pushed those thoughts away.

"John, I -" She stopped and looked down at her lap, her brow creasing. "What name did we give him?"

"Aeryn, I don't think -"

"Please John." Aeryn interrupted. "I deserve to know the name of my child."

He studied her for a moment, then looked down at the floor. Swallowing the hard knott in his throat, he answered, "D'Argo. His name is D'Argo."

There was only silence, and after a while John looked up at her. She was staring at her lap again, and her face was blank with building tears in her eyes. She shook her head. "I still don't remember his death."

"You've got a ways to go." He said softly.

Aeryn only nodded and closed her eyes to fight back her tears.

John figured he shouldn't do anything since she thought he was the other guy. But he couldn't sit there and watch her like this, it hurt too much. So he reached out and gently pulled her to him, and she willingly leaned into against him, resting her head in the crook of his neck. And there they remained for a long while, sitting under the stars.

**Chiana walked in the **center chamber casually, having a small craving for raslak and a bit hungry for food. She was a little surprised to see Crichton sitting at the table, staring into his cup. She tried not to rush as she poured some raslak into a cup, and she passed on the food for now.

She walked over to the table and sat across from Crichton. "Hey old man."

He shifted his gaze to look at her. "Hey Pip." His eyes went back to his cup.

Chiana swallowed nervously. "Uh, d-did Aeryn...did she talk to you a-about...about the b-baby?"

Crichton lifted his head to look at her, his attention now undivided. "You knew that she knew?"

"Yeah, but the only reason I didn't, didn't tell you was be-because she said that sh-she'd talk to you about it. And I thought...I thought that'd be good for you guys." She explained it in a nervous rush, hoping he wasn't angry.

He only gave her a faint smile before looking back at his cup.

"S-so, did she...did she talk to you?"

He nodded. "Yup."

Chiana moistened her lips with her tongue. "Are...are you gonna tell her about what happened to the other Crichton? Th-that you're not him?"

His eyebrows furrowed slightly. "I dunno, Chi. I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

She stared at him with surprise for a minute. "Listen Crichton," She leaned forward on her elbows. "You didn't tell her about the twinning, and she was pissed. You didn't tell her about the baby, and she wasn't happy about that either." She cocked her head. "See a pattern?"

"This is different Chiana." He mumbled.

"You're right, Crichton, it is!" She shouted with frustration. When she spoke again, her voice was calmer but still firm. "This is the death of someone she loved. You have to tell her." She climbed onto the table to get closer to him, keeping her eyes on his. "If you tell her now, she will remember that, and she will trust you later."

Crichton kept his eyes on hers for a second longer, then looked back down. Chiana knew how difficult this was for him, and she hated that he had to through it. She lightly ruffled his hair and placed a small, brief kiss on his forehead.

She leaned back to look at him again. "Go and visit your little Crichton." She smiled faintly and tapped him on the nose. "He misses you."

**John nearly felt sick** from the familiarity of the situation. And it made his deep longing pulse through his body. Aeryn was holding their son and he stood right behind her, bodies almost touching. The intoxicating scent of her hair was almost impossible to fight, all he wanted to do was burry his nose in the silky strands. But he knew that he shouldn't. And the delicate skin of her neck and shoulder, only inches away, beckoned to him. He clamped his teeth down hard and closed his eyes, trying to fight off the temptations.

"I never imagined this, John." came Aeryn's soft, awe filled voice.

He opened his eyes and leaned closer, his chest pressing against her back, to get a better look at his son. "I know." He whispered with a ghost of a smile. If she knew right now, that he was not the other Crichton, he would be enjoying this moment. But instead it tormented him.

Aeryn leaned back against him, and he was barely able to resist his habit and the urge to put his arms around her waist. "It will take getting use to." She said to him.

"Once you remember more, it won't be so hard." He realized just in time that his nose was being drawn to her hair, and he pulled back slightly.

What Chiana had said was on his mind like an itch he couldn't scratch. He knew she was probably right, that he should tell Aeryn who he really is and about the death of the other guy. He was just so damn frightened by how she'll respond. But he knew he had to do it, and he was going to. Right now. Otherwise it would never happen.

"Aeryn."

"Hmm?"

"There's...something I need to tell you."

"All right."

He swallowed, trying to rid himself of the lump in his throat. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he gently pushed her away from him. Aeryn turned to face him, her eyebrows knitted together with concern. "John? What's the matter?"

Persperation had broken out on his forehead, and suddenly his tongue felt too heavy and thick. "Aeryn, I..." He wiped a hand across his eyes, down his face and over his mouth before continuing. "I'm not the one you think I am."

Aeryn just stared at him, completely perplexed. One corner of her mouth turned upward just slightly. "What are you talking about John?"

John let out a trembling breath and licked his lips. "I never went with you on Talyn. I was here, on Moya."

At first she didn't respond. But then she laughed softly. "Don't be rediculous."

He met her eyes squarely, and with utmost sincerity, he said, "I'm serious Aeryn."

Her mouth turned into a grim flat line as she pressed her lips together. She turned away from him to carefully put D'Argo down, then she faced him again. "So what happened to him then? Why am I here with you?"

John's temperature sky rocketted and it felt like his heart would burst out of his chest. His throat swelled and he struggled to talk. "He...he died..."

"Oh stop it John!" Aeryn snapped. "This isn't funny."

"Aeryn, I mean it." He said, taking steps closer to her. He had a sudden desperation for her to believe him. "Why would I lie about this?"

Aeryn bit down on her lip and squinted, studying him. Then she shook her head. "I don't believe you. It doesn't even make any sense, John."

"Aeryn," He took another step toward her. His voice was now low and shaky. "I'm telling you the truth. Ask anybody. Ask Pilot!"

She only glared sharply at him for a moment before spinning on her heel and swiftly walking away.

"Damn it." John muttered between his teeth. "That didin't go well."

He walked over to the bed where his son lay. After a moment, he frowned and said, "You didn't hear anything did you?" D'Argo only gazed up at his father. John nodded to himself. "Good. No, Little D, there is no other John Crichton that spent half a cycle with your mother. What were we talking about then? Oh well, just things, adult things." He shook his head. "You wouldn't understand. Will I tell you when you're older? Uh...boy, I dunno little guy. That's a touchy subject. Besides, I don't know how I feel about you knowing that your mother was with another one of me." He sighed, and leaned down to kiss D'Argo on the forehead. "We'll see when we get there." He whispered. "We'll see."

**As soon as he** entered the center chamber, Chiana was on her feet and rushing over to him "What happened? Did you tell her?"

He nodded. "Yeah I told her." He stopped at Noranti's counter and grabbed some food off a tray and popped it in his mouth.

Chiana stood at his shoulder, looking up at him, eager for details. "So what happened? What'd she say?"

"Well, all I can say is that she's either really pissed, or she doesn't believe me. Possibly both."

"I don't understand." Chiana said. "Why...why wouldn't she believe you?"

"Because she doesn't want to." Noranti chimed in; they both looked at her. "But she will. Once she remembers the other Crichton's death, she will have no choice but to believe it. She will be cold, and she will push you away." She said, looking directly at John. "But only for a short time. Because you told her of the other Crichton's death ahead of time, she will be drawn to you, and she will trust you."

John only remained staring at Noranti, a half ponderous, half worried expression on his face.

Chiana turned to him. "Wrinkles is right. You did the right thing, Crichton."

John looked at her for a moment before looking back at the food in his hand. He softly shook his head. "I sure hope you're right, Pip. 'Cause I don't feel like I've done anything good. I feel like absolute crap."

Seeing the sorrow in his expression, her light hearted attitude disappeared and she leaned in closer to him. "Hey, don't feel bad old man." She said softly. "If Aeryn doesn't believe what you told her, that's her fault. Not yours."

"It's not just that, Chiana. It's everything I've done the last few days."

"You've been doing what you think is best for Aeryn. And that's doing the right thing."

Noranti broke into the conversation enthusiastically. "Except for the other day when you -"

"Shut up Wrinkles!" Chiana snapped. She turned back to John, who now had a small smile on his face.

"Thanks Pip." He said before walking past her.

She whirled around to watch him. "Where're you going?"

John half turned to her and shrugged. "Just for a walk. Clear my head." He stepped out into the passageway and disappeared.

"I should make him something to make him feel better!" Noranti exclaimed excitedly.

Chiana glowered at the old woman. "Leave him alone, Wrinkles." She turned and exited the chamber.

With a mischevious smile, Noranti went back to her cooking pot, humming happily.

**Aeryn walked with a** fast pace down the passageway, heading no where in particular. She was angry and so very confused. There was no question about the seriousness that had been in John's voice and expression. And she knew he wouldn't lie about something like that, he wouldn't even bring it up if he didn't have to. But it just didn't make sense! How could he not be her John? He had the exact same scar above his eyebrow, and she wouldn't go back to the other Crichton if her John had died. And she would most certainly not have a child with him. She just didn't understand, she couldn't figure it all out.

She halted suddenly, a new memory coming back, strong and clear.

_**"Sorry to screw up your life again." He said as they walked down the corridor.**_

_**"As long as you know it's your fault." She replied.**_

_**"Me and my damn wormholes."**_

_**She smiled slightly. "Not all wormholes are bad."**_

_**"No." He agreed. "But if I hadn't been hunting wormholes we never would have run into Furlow or the Ancients."**_

_**"If you hadn't fallen into a wormhole you never would have met..."**_

_**"Rygel."**_

_**Her smile broadened a bit. "Furlow, I would think is a better match for you. You could pool your knowledge and chase wormholes all you want."**_

_**He chuckled, smiling widely. "Furlow, yeah she's sexy. She's a good one to take home and meet the folks."**_

_**She gave him a sideways glance, her brow slightly furrowed. **_

_**"What? You didn't think I was planning on going home alone, did you?"**_

_**She looked straight ahead and answered with a flat voice. "I haven't been thinking about it."**_

_**"I wouldn't..." He gently pulled her to a stop. "want to do that. To go back alone."**_

_**"I wouldn't want you to."**_

The memory continued to play out, but it was rapidly fading away, the image looking more fuzzy and the voices blurred. She bit her tongue and shook her head, trying to rid herself of it for now. Now was not a good time for her memory to be coming back, unless it was something useful. Something that would help her figure this all out.

She continued walking again, picking back up her quick stride. If her John had died, why would she even come back to Moya? And if he died, how the frell was he killed? It had better not have had anything to do with frelling wormholes, or she -

_**"So it's your life for everyone else's?" Her voice was trembling and tears slowly strolled down her face.**_

_**"And you're different how?" He asked, his voice rough.**_

_**"I'm different because I love you!"**_

_**He stared at her a second, his eyes dark with deep emotion. "Then you know I have to do this." He locked his eyes on hers. "I'm coming back."**_

This one vanished all together and left no trail behind. Her body felt numb, and she went over the scene a dozen times in her mind. His life for everyone else's...She sharply shook her head to herself. No, it wasn't true, it didn't happen. He said he'd come back, he had to have come back. He didn't die. She wouldn't have let him, she wouldn't have allowed him to even be in such a situation. He came back and he was alive.

Standing up straighter, she continued walking once again. But before she could get back to her earlier thoughts, her mind was bombarded by images and voices. Some slipped away too quickly, but the others she caught. A vast desert with charrids all around, John laying unconscious on the floor, Crais screaming in pain, Rygel badly injured, Furlow tied up, John falling off his module, some strange alien dead on the floor...John's father? John smiling eerily at her, then him out in the desert sitting on his knees with his back to her, then he was working on some strange device, and finally she saw him scream and collapse. Then the images sped up and quickly faded away, only to be replaced by the voices.

**_"How the hell can we have the only gun on the planet that doesn't work?" "Gone. Gambled and lost. How unfortunate that you must lose as well." "I'm just curious to know whether sacrifice and bravery are Hynerian concepts." "Your sacrifice will not go unnoted Commander." "Officer Sun, next time...be more decisive. Shoot...quicker." "Well you know if I was here on my own it would be working right now!" "Ah damn it Crais, knock it off. You're gonna make me start _**liking**_ you." "No, I said tie _**her **_back up." "Do me a favor, take smiley here and stash him somewhere on your way out." "Let's do what we have to do here and then we'll go." "I've had Scorpy in my head for so long...that I've gotten use to it and, and not having him...It's like being in pain your whole life, and suddenly it's gone."_**

Aeryn closed her eyes and took in a slow, deep breath. She tried to block out the voices, not wanting them right now, even though some of them raised her curiosity. She picked up her pace again, trying to ignore the whispering voices echoing in her mind. She tried to go back to her earlier thoughts, hoping it would make the voices stop. But instead came another memory that made her stop dead in her tracks. It was all so crystal clear in her head.

John was pale, so sickly pale, and laying limp on the bed. His voice was weak and raspy, and it took much of his strength to talk. He coughed every once in a while, or would struggle to clear his throat. And his eyes...the color was faint now, more of a gray color rather than blue. Sitting next to him where she should feel his heat, his soothing warmth, there was nothing. He had said his quick good-byes to everyone, everyone on Talyn anyway. And she sat with him, the two of them alone together, not knowing how much time they had, but knowing it was short.

She felt her eyes burning strong with tears. Just seeing him like that...so weak and sick...dying...She took in a sharp breath, trying to fight back her tears. But it came stronger now, making her remember every detail. The way he had smiled slightly as he told her that he wouldn't change their time together for the world, and that he loved her. How his brow was creased as he apologized for so many things. How he had looked so happy as he spoke his final words, **_"They say, it's a lucky or unamitious man who goes when he's ready. That said, Scorpius is gone. I'm at peace. I don't hurt. I...I did some good things. I'm proud of my life...and I'm with you."_** The way he felt when she kissed him, cold and weak, yet desperate. And his last words that he had spoken softly with a glimmer in his eyes, **_"Don't worry about me. I've never felt better."_**

Aeryn couldn't breath and her entire body felt numb. She was silent as tears streamed down her face. She began to tremble, and she stiffly stumbled over to the wall and leaned against it. And after a moment, she turned to press her back against the wall and slowly crumbled down to the floor.

Her John was dead.

**He did admitt to **himself that he was a selfish bastard and hated that Aeryn was remembering his twin. And the fact that she thought he was the other guy only added to his dislike of the situation, and it was damn painful. But what he was really worried about, the main reason he was so scared of her remembering her twin, was because of what she went through then. His death nearly destroyed her, and it killed him back then that she was hurting so much. He didn't want her to be in pain, and it was so much worse when he couldn't do anything to help her, or when she wouldn't let him. That time was coming, real soon, he could feel it. He would deal with it though, he would be strong. For Aeryn.

And damn, he was he tired! His limbs were starting to feel rusty and his energy would never last very long. And his brain was already going out on him. He had reset his chess board only to find that when he was finished, he had the colors all mixed up and the pieces weren't even in the right places. And not too long ago he had gone in the center chamber for a drink, but he found himself pouring food cubes from a container into his cup. His mind was slowing down as well; he would be in the middle of a thought and then forget what it was he was even thinking about. He stopped walking to give his eyes a good hard scrub, rubbing the fogginess and stiffness from them. Then he moved his head and shoulders around, trying to make his stiff and tense muscles loosen up.

He started walking again, but once he made his way around a bend in the passageway, he stopped cold. Aeryn sat huddled on the floor, and even from where he stood he could see her body trembling. Her back was to him, so he couldn't see her face. The sight made his stomach clench. She must've remembered the other Crichton's death.

He stood there unsure what to do. He figured he should turn around and walk away; leave her alone and give her space for now. But he just couldn't do that, he couldn't leave her alone in pain like this. He didn't know what he could possibly do to help her at this point, and she would probably shove him away, but he couldn't walk away knowing she was like this. He had to do _something_, at least try.

Cautiously, he approached her. He didn't want her to hear his footsteps and try to run away. Although, he didn't really think she would if she had heard him approach. So as not to startle her, he spoke softly, "Aeryn?" She balled up even tighter, as if his voice had frightened her. John stared at her even more uncertain what to do than he was before. He swallowed in a tight throat and knelt down next to her. "Aeryn..." He softly touched her arm.

As soon as his fingertips made contact, her arm shot out in a strong swing to knock his hand away. Then she placed her hand back over her face with the other one. "Aeryn, please." John begged, his voice almost a whisper. "Let me help you."

Aeryn struggled to stand up. She clutched onto one of Moya's golden ribs to help pull herself up. It took her a moment, and she looked so weak as she was doing it that John wanted so badly to take her in his arms. Touching her, though, was obviously not a good idea right now. Once Aeryn was on her feet, she began walking without so much as a glance in his direction. He slowly followed her stumbling pace, and realizing that, she walked faster. A voice in the back of his head told John to let her go and leave her be, but he just couldn't bring himself to do that. He picked up his pace as well, continuing to follow her. "Aeryn, wait!"

She didn't make it very far, and he wasn't close enough to catch her in time. She collapsed to the floor, sitting on her knees. Loud sobs errupted from her, shaking her entire body. She must've been holding it all in, because her sobs were so loud and painful, it stabbed right through him and made him momentarily freeze. Then he knelt down beside her again, and gently touched her shoulder. She shoved her elbow at him, but weakly. He reached for her again and she made no move to stop him. He was relieved that she let him pull her closer, holding her firmly. Her sobs continued and she gripped hard onto his vest. John tightened his arms around her, hoping to calm her trembling. Leaning his cheek down against the top of her head, he slowly began to rock her. And he would stay that way for as long as he needed to.

**She waited patiently as** he splashed cold water on his face and rubbed it into his eyes. He stood up straight, dried off his face, and turned to face her. She was worried at how haggard he looked, but she said nothing about it.

Instead, she asked, "So how long were you guys like that?"

"I dunno." He mumbled, scratching his head. "Quater of an arn? Or maybe it was half an arn..." He shrugged. "Less than an arn, I know that."

"I would've expected her to knock your head off." Chiana said truthfully.

"Yeah, me too." He agreed. "But she didn't."

John sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. She stood up and walked off pretty rigid." His eyes seemed to phase out of reality and concern showed on his brow.

"Crichton? You okay?" she asked softly.

His eyes snapped back into focus and he looked at her. "I'm fine, Pip. I'm just worried about Aeryn." An expression that she couldn't read flashed across his face briefly, and he put a hand on a nearby shelf. It almost seemed as though he were bracing himself. "She's hurting, Chiana. She's in so much pain and I can't stand it. And it pisses me off that I can't help her."

"But you are helping -"

John let out a heavy, shuddering sigh and his legs gave out. Still holding onto the shelf, he eased his fall a bit as he crumbled to the floor.

Chiana was instantly on her feet and rushing over to him. "Crichton!" Heart racing and breathing hard, she turned his face to look at him; he was still conscious. "What the frell was that? What happened?"

He blinked a couple times, shook his head, and tried to sit up. "Nothing. I'm fine. Just tired." His voice was strained, and once he was finally up, he let out another sigh and leaned back against the stack of shelves.

"You're exhausted, Crichton." Chiana corrected. She looked closely at his eyes, examining them. "Have you even slept at all since Aeryn came back from that planet?"

It seemed to take too much energy and brain power for him to answer. "A little."

"All right, get on the bed." She ordered.

He chuckled in response and barely shook his head. "Chiana, no."

"Crichton!" She shrieked in frustration. "You're wearing yourself out! It's not safe!"

John opened his eyes and looked at her. "Chiana, I will rest soon. I promise. But not now."

She stared at him for minute, thinking it over. She understood, but was reluctant to agree. Finally, she nodded. "Okay." She stroked his hair, still looking concerned. "But be careful, okay?"

"I will." He said with a nod. "Now help me up."

**He found her out** on the terrace, sitting with her back to him cross-legged on the floor. He slowly walked towards her, his concern deepening as he got closer. He stopped about a foot away from her. "Wanted to check up on you." He said softly. She did not reply and remained completely still. He sat down next to her and studied her passive face. "Aeryn?"

After a moment, she took in a breath and said, "I should probably apologize."

His brow furrowed slightly. "What for?"

She still did not face him, keeping her eyes straight ahead. "For my behavior earlier. You tried to warn me of something and I wouldn't listen."

"Aeryn..." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Your reaction was perfectly normal."

"I didn't want to believe it." She admitted.

"That's normal too."

"But you were right. What you said was true. I had thought you might be lying."

"I would never lie to you Aeryn."

She swallowed hard. "I know." After a brief silence passed, she said. "I'm sorry for what I did to you."

Again, he was confused. "Um...what was it you did to me?"

He could see the muscles in her neck and jaw flex and he regretted asking. "For kissing you."

John's stomach twisted up into a knot and he averted his eyes from her face. "That's um...that's okay."

"It's just that, you have the same scar, and I thought..." She stopped, unable to finish.

He stared at her, curious. "Did...did he have a scar like mine?"

She only nodded.

He cursed in his head. So that explains it. A rush of memories of all the recent times she would kiss him there flashed across his mind. But he pushed it all aside for now.

"Aeryn, look, um...I know you must be pretty uncomfortable with me around. So I just wanted to let you know that I'll give you all the space and time you need." He waited for a response, but received none. "Aeryn?"

"What troubles me is that I couldn't tell you apart." She said quietly. "I guess you two really are the same. Both John Crichton." She finally looked at him, her eyes locking on his. "It's apparent that you and I were happy before I caught the heat delirium. And we have a child." She shook her head. "I can't walk away from that, Crichton. No matter how frightened I am by it."

John gazed at her, feeling a mix of emotions. He felt like he was about to burst from how much he loved this amazing woman, and he felt so incredably proud of her. Yet he was worried about her still, and wanted to sooth the fear she spoke of, the fear he could see in her eyes. He wanted to tell her that it'd be all right, that she would remember everything soon and she wouldn't be scared anymore.

"You don't have to be frightened, Aeryn." he said softly. "I won't rush you. Take your time."

"That's harder for you than you make it sound."

"It doesn't matter. I've been hanging on these last few days, I can go a little longer."

Silence fell between them again. It was Aeryn who finally broke it. "When I came back to Moya...what was it like? How did I treat you?"

John's palms went cold and he swallowed in a tight throat. "Aeryn, I don't think we should talk about this yet. I mean, you're still -"

"Crichton just tell me." She was looking at him again, her face still passive.

He looked down at the floor in front of him. "When you came back, Aeryn...it was like your sould had died. You were just so...you had no emotion at all, and you didn't care about anything anymore. You were like a shell, Aeryn, of what you were before."

When he looked at her again, she was looking forward again. But he was a little surprised to see tears in her eyes. "His death affected me that much?"

"Yes."

Aeryn shook her head. "I don't feel that affected by it now. I think...it's because you've been here with me all this time." After a short pause, she spoke again. "You were expecting me to act like that again." It wasn't a question.

He hesitated, looking into his lap. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I caught the heat delirium that did this to me."

"That wasn't your fault, Aeryn. It just happened."

"Then it's your fault."

He was baffled. "My fault?"

"Yes. You shouldn't have let me go to the frelling planet in the first place."

John chuckled. "Believe me, Aeryn, I tried." He wasn't going to get into specifics. "But you know how stubborn you can be."

"Then it is my fault. If I hadn't been so stubborn -"

"No, Aeryn, stop." He scooted over to sit in front of her. "Nothing is your fault. And you have nothing to apologize for. I don't wanna hear it."

His breath caught in his chest when she leaned forward to rest her forehead against his. And shivers ran down his body as she gently ran her fingers through his hair on the back of his head. It lasted only briefly, too briefly, and she stood up and walked away, leaving him half dazed on the terrace.

_**I am surprised at** Aeryn's whole composure and attitude. I was really expecting it to be different, I was expecting her to shut me out. I wonder if what she said about being with me all this time lessened the affect of the other Crichton's death on her is true. Whether it is or not, I'm so frelling glad that she's doing better this time around. She's still hurting, but I can tell it's way less than the first time. I guess Pip and Grandma were right, telling Aeryn about the other guy's death before she remembered it herself was a good move. She still trusts me, maybe more than before, or she would've never been so open with me out on the terrace._

_I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my chest. I feel the best I have in a while. Even though I am still concerned about Aeryn, I think things are gonna be okay from here. Although...her remembering that I pushed her away once she came back might not go over so well. And her remembering about the lakka won't be good either. Maybe I should talk to her about that, explain my actions ahead of time. But my biggest concern now is when she remembers being captured by the scarrans. It still makes the hair on the back of my neck raise to think about that, what they did to her. I'm really not looking forward to that, God it's gonna scare the crap outta her. Maybe I should talk to her about that too, that might make it easier._

_Well, I promised Chiana that I'd try to get some rest. I think I have a better chance of getting some sleep now that I know Aeryn's doing okay._

All right, there it is. I figured, hey, Aeryn sobbed about Velorek, so why not about Talyn-John? Plus, they never showed us what kind of condition she was in between Infinite Possibilites-Part 2 and The Choice, so I thought I could touch on that just a little bit. Well, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I have a fun idea swirling around my mind for Chapter Nine! Hehehe! I'll try to get Chapter Nine up before my vacation ends. Anyways, please leave feedback and let me know what you think of this chapter!

Budong!

HRS


	10. Chapter Nine

**Title:** Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe )

**Spoilers:** Through PKW  
**Time Period:** Shortly after PKW, VERY shortly after  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. But you guys know that!

**Author's Note:** Holy crap. How long has it been? Three weeks? I PROMISE that I will never do this again! If there's ever a chance that it will, I'll be sure to inform you guys ahead of time! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! But I want to let you all know that I've got another fic idea that's been scratching at me. I actually got the idea from a scene in this chapter. So keep an eye out for that one when this one is finished! And I also want to say that this chapter is a lot longer than the rest. And I should probably tell you that it's...well, erm, uh...let's just say that this chapter is really different from the rest of the story. Those of you who wanted action, you got it. Anyone here miss Harvey? :) Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it and thank you all for the wonderful feedback! Oh yeah and I finally got my SpellCheck to work, but it may have missed a couple things so please forgive! Okay I'll shut up now. Enjoy chapter 9 and leave feedback please!

**CHAPTER NINE**

**He had thought and **he had hoped that he would be able to get some sleep, now that things were calmer. But he had only one restless arn, of which he barely slept at all. And when he did sleep, it was not good rest. So he had given up on trying to sleep, and came to the center chamber for a drink.

Chiana would not be happy with him, no doubt, for not resting. He had promised he would get some rest, and he had tried and failed. The thought of lying to her about it had crossed his mind, but he knew she would not be fooled. His composure gave it away; he was exhausted.

He did not dwell on the thought of asking Noranti for any kind of sleeping drug. He didn't trust her right now, and he was still fairly angry with her. Besides, she was a crazy old woman who only caused trouble.

So again, he was denied of sleep and peaceful rest. The only real sleep he's had the last few solar days was when he had slept with Aeryn. But that was not an option now.

The drink had grown to taste bitter in his mouth, and being stuck with his own thoughts was extremely boring. It was only empty moments like this, which were _very_ rare, that he actually missed Harvey; and in the past, was grateful for him. Setting down his cup, he stepped out of the center chamber and headed to Pilot's den. He would be the only one awake this time during the sleep cycle. And he was the only one that John really felt like talking to.

It took him a while to get there; his legs weak and his stride slow. A couple times he stumbled, his vision blurring or jolting. Once he made it to the den, he leaned against the doorway as if exhausted by the walk, and stared hesitantly at the bridge that lead to Pilot. Swallowing his small fear of losing his balance and falling to his death, he stood upright and kept his gaze straight ahead. To his great relief, he made it across just fine.

"Hey Pilot." He greeted drowsily as he struggled to get up on the console.

"Greetings, Commander." Pilot replied. "Why are you up so late in the sleep cycle?"

John got himself into a comfortable sitting position, then looked up at Pilot. "Couldn't sleep."

"So you came here?" Pilot asked, curious and slightly baffled.

John shrugged. "Thought you might like some company."

Pilot was content with that, and after a brief silence, he asked, "How is Officer Sun?"

"She's doing better."

"Her memory has progressed?"

John nodded. "Yup. She's still got a cycle and a half to go though. At least, last time I talked to her." He wondered if in the last four arns she had gained more memory.

"I am glad to hear that." Pilot said. "Moya and I have been rather concerned for her."

"We all have, Pilot. But she's okay now. Things should be...smoother for her now."

Pilot looked truly relieved. "That is good." He looked at John again, squinting slightly. "Are you all right Commander?"

John snapped his head up to look at Pilot. "What are you talking about? I'm fine."

"You look...tired, exhausted." Pilot explained.

John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I am pretty tired."

"You should rest then."

John pursed his lips in thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, all right." He began to climb off the console. "Sorry to bother you, Pilot." As soon as his feet touched the ground, he lost his balance, his legs too stiff and weak to work so suddenly.

"Commander?" Pilot asked with concern.

John grabbed onto the console to help pull himself up. "Yeah, Pilot, I'm all right. I'm okay."

Pilot looked a bit skeptical. "Will you be able to make it to your quarters?"

"Yes Pilot, I'll be fine." John turned and again hesitated at the sight of the bridge. He swallowed the knot of fear in his throat, and headed across.

Once he was on the other side, he went out the door into the passageway. Leaning against one of Moya's golden ribs, he rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. It helped, but not by much. It took him a while to reach his quarters, and once he did he was irritated by the sight of Noranti.

"What're you doing in here, Grandma?" He asked as he slowly strolled in.

Noranti turned to look at him, but said nothing. She quickly walked towards him, and once she was close enough, she blew a thick powder into his face. John's head snapped back and he stumbled, falling against the table; knocking over the chess pieces and sending them scattering to the floor. He grunted as he struggled to keep himself up, clutching to the table. But his muscles soon went numb and he fell back and hit the floor, unconscious.

**Aeryn walked along the **passageways casually, restless and unable to sleep. John's death was still burned into her mind, and she could not shake it. Being here with the other one, finding out she had a life with him, did not affect her as much as she had originally predicted. Remembering John's death did not even affect her now as badly as it had when it actually happened. This bothered her somewhat, yet part of her did not mind.

She had remembered more; she remembered how deeply she had mourned for John, how she had shut everyone out. She remembered John constantly appearing, there but not, her mind playing tricks with her, the memory of him teasing her. She remembered the encounter with her mother, Xhalax, and her death. And her last new memory was returning to Moya, seeing the other one, the one who was with her now. The father of her child.

He was right when he said she had been a shell of what she once was, that her soul had died. She did believe that part of her died with John, that she had been deeply damaged, broken. Yet...this one had healed her. She didn't question how, this was John Crichton, he could do things beyond her comprehension.

She did feel a little...uncomfortable, around this one, Crichton. But at the same time she felt at peace, happy, calm; the way she had been with John. It was a mix of emotions that confused and frightened her. She still needed time.

Aeryn found herself walking down the passageway of Crichton's quarters. She found it odd that his door was open during the sleep cycle, and the lights were on as well. Her eyebrows knitted together in curiosity and she picked up her pace. It was probably nothing, he probably just couldn't sleep. She froze in the doorway, startled by what she found. Crichton was sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by scattered chess pieces, knocked out cold; and the old woman was on her knees leaning over him. She instantly felt angry and concerned.

"What the frell happened?" Aeryn snapped as she quickly approached the old woman and unconscious Crichton.

Noranti whirled to face Aeryn, an expression of startlement on her face. "Nothing. Nothing happened."

Aeryn glared at her sharply as she knelt down and looked at Crichton. "What did you do to him?" She barked at the old woman.

"He is not harmed." Noranti said.

Aeryn's dark glare hardened, and in a chilling voice, she asked, "Noranti, what did you do to Crichton?"

Noranti beamed with self pride. "I gave him some sleeping powder!"

"You did _what_?"

"He's been exhausted and desperately needs sleep. It's not healthy to - "

"Did he ask for it?" Aeryn interrupted harshly.

"Oh no!" The old woman said with a shake of her head. "I gave it to him!"

"So you drugged him."

"I helped him!"

"Frelling old woman." Aeryn grumbled. She turned back to Crichton and softly stroked his hair. "Crichton?"

"He will not wake up." Noranti explained, her voice cheerful.

Aeryn turned and glowered at her. "What the frell does that mean?"

Noranti explained it with a tone of excitement that greatly irritated Aeryn. "The drug lasts twelve arns."

"_Twelve arns_?" Aeryn repeated with anger. "Well fix it! Reverse it!"

"I cannot."

"Don't frell with me, old woman!" Aeryn snapped. "If you can create a cure for heat delirium, you can make an antidote for one of your own drugs!"

"I can, I can, but I won't."

"Oh yes you will."

"Crichton needs rest, Aeryn." Noranti said calmly, her voice soft. "His body and mind were breaking down, wearing out. Do you really want to wake him from a sleep he so desperately needs?"

Aeryn looked back at Crichton; she had noticed how worn out he'd been. But she knew all too well that drugged sleep was not the same as real sleep. Still, it would help him, immensely. "Fine. But if that drug does anything else to him - "

"Nothing will happen to him." Noranti promised enthusiastically. "There is no need for worry, Aeryn." Her voice turned to a singing tone. "This well help him!"

Aeryn rolled her eyes with irritation; she's had enough of her. "Get out of here old woman." She turned her head so that her mouth was close to her comms. "Chiana, I need you down at Crichton's quarters."

Chiana's voice came hesitantly through the comms. "Wha...what're you doing in there? What's going on?"  
"Look, I'll explain when you get here. But I need your help."

"Aeryn what's happened? What happened to Crichton? Is he okay?" She sounded concerned and a bit panicky.

"He's fine, Chiana. Just get down here."

"Well...what do you need me for, then?"

Aeryn bit her tongue in frustration. "Noranti gave him some sort of drug to put him asleep - "

"Why the frell did that fekkick do that?" Chiana shrieked.

"Chiana, just get down here!"

There was a pause; Aeryn figured the young nebari was probably deciding whether to keep being stubborn and continue to argue, or to come down here. She was relieved that Chiana chose the later. "I'm on my way."

**John let out a** small groan as his consciousness slowly came back. For some odd reason, his back hurt like hell. He felt like he'd been sleeping on the floor with nothing to cushion him. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter to make the sleepiness go away as he arched up to stretch the stiffness out of his aching muscles. After rubbing his eyes to clear them off any lingering sleep, he opened them to find...black. That was...weird. Moya was never this dark. He slowly rose to his feet, and once he was up, he noticed with puzzlement that the floor was covered with a thin layer of mist. And he could see himself, his hand if he held it in front of his face, his body and legs if he looked down. It was as if only the walls were black...if there were walls.

"Oh hell," he muttered, looking around. "I must be dead."

"Hello John!"

The voice paralyzed him, sending his spine to snap straight and the hairs to rise on the back of his neck. It was the voice he would never forget, despite how much he wanted to rip it from his own memory. It was the voice that would forever haunt him, the voice that he would always carry with him, locked away in the farthest outter edges of his mind, but still there. Filled with dread, he slowly turned to face the source of the voice. His fear scratched fiercely in his stomach and crawled across his skin. That face, along with the voice, would forever be burned into his memory. He swallowed in a dry, tight throat, and with a raspy voice said, "Scorpius."

"No John, I am not Scorpius."

John stared at him utterly puzzled. "Harvey?" He wasn't sure which was better.

Harvey smiled with amusement. "Yes, John, it is me."

"But you...you can't be here. You're _dead_!"

"That is correct, I am dead."

John's brow creased even further with confusion and fear. "Then what the hell is this? Why are you here? Why am _I _here? Where _is_ here anyway? What is this place?"

"This is your mind, John." Harvey explained calmly, his voice still carrying his usual cheerful tone. "And I am nothing but a figment of your memories."

John was silent a moment, thinking it through. "So...you're not real?"

"As you have repeatedly told me in the past."

"I mean you're not here? In my head?"

"Well technically yes, I am in your head. In your memory."

"Yeah but you're not actually _alive_ inside my head!" John said loudly, feeling pure relief as he began to smile.

"No John, I am not." Harvey admitted, somewhat sadly.

John chuckled and shook his head. "Damn, I really thought I was in hell all over again." But his smile slowly disappeared and he eyed Harvey suspiciously. "Wait, so...this is...we're inside my own head? And you're not real..." He laughed softly again. "Okay, I get it. This is just a very, very bad dream."

"Yes John, you created this place." Harvey said with awe as he glanced around. "Your subconscious has always been fascinating."

"Wait a second," John rubbed his eyes with one hand. "I don't understand, why are we here? I mean why am I dreaming? How come I'm not conscious?"

"Don't you remember John?" Harvey asked, obviously amused.

"Remember _what_?"

"What happened before you awoke here?"

"I..." He closed his eyes in recollection. "Noranti came in and blew something in my face."

"She drugged you John. To put you asleep." Harvey clarified.

"Aw damn it." John hissed between his teeth. "Why the hell did she do that?"

"Because you haven't had any sleep in over three days."

"So what?" John spat. Then his voice lowered to a grumble. "She's not my mother."

Harvey sighed. "I cannot give you her reasons, John, but it is done."

John began looking around. "I gotta get out of here, I need to wake up. Aeryn's still -"

"You will not wake up for at least another twelve arns." Harvey informed him.

John whirled to face him again. "What? How do you know that?"

Harvey looked up at nothing in particular. "I believe I heard the old woman speaking with Aeryn about it."

John smiled faintly with high skepticism. "You couldn't have heard anything. You're not even real."

"Outside noises can affect the sleeping conscious, John. And your subconscious is what brought me here."

"Cut the psychological crap. Just go away."

"I'm afraid that I cannot leave."

John glared at him. "Why not? I brought you here, I can make you go away!"

"But you are not in control John." Harvey said. "Your subconscious is. You are no more real than I am. We are both a part of this dream."

John stared at him in silence with an expression of total confusion. "You're confusing the hell outta me, Harv. Just shut up and go away." He turned and started walking.

Harvey followed him. "We're going to be here for at least twelve arns, John." He slapped his hands together in excitement. "Let's entertain ourselves, shall we?"

Before he could blink, John found himself sitting in a race car with Harvey in the passenger's seat, holding a map.

"Make a sharp turn to the left!" Harvey commanded.

John looked out the front window just in time to make the turn, the tires sliding on the mud of the tack. "Harvey!" He snapped with anger and frustration. "What the hell is this?"

"This is still your dream John." Harvey said cheerfully. "I'm just making it more exciting so the time goes by faster. You should appreciate that. Easy turn to the right!"

Once John drove the car around the bend, he spoke again. "Get me the hell outta here!"

"Why would I do that?"

"For one thing, I haven't got a clue how to drive a race car and you know that better than anyone!"

"But this is a dream, John. You can do anything!"

"Harvey change it right now!"

"I can't, John. Only you have the power to do so."

"Don't give me that crap, I am not in control or I wouldn't even be here at all! And you just said that _you're_ making it more exciting. That means _you_ can change it!"

"But I am made from your subconscious. So technically, you are the one who brought us here."

John bit down on his lip and swerved the car off the track.

"What are you doing John?" Harvey's voice carried some fear.

"I'm changing the scenery Harv."

The car was going over a hundred miles per hour as he drove it off the edge of the cliff.

**Both the girls let** out a heavy sigh after they carefully laid John down on his bed.

"He's heavy." Chiana stated.

Aeryn didn't reply as she gently rolled him over onto his back and grabbed a blanket to put over him. Chiana was correct, he was heavy. She had never known that, not even when he would be - She cut off those thoughts instantly. Once she had the blanket over him, she reached for a pillow and carefully lifted his head to put it under him.

"I shoulda known Wrinkles was going to do something to him." Chiana said softly.

Aeryn looked at her. "Why is that?"

"Because earlier she was talking about making something to help him." She smiled slightly. "You know her definition of help."

"I don't, actually." Aeryn admitted. She still did not remember the old woman, how she came to be on board Moya.

Chiana looked embarrassed and ashamed. "S-sorry." She looked at Aeryn, who was staring intently at John. "You're worried about him, aren't you?"

Aeryn instantly took her eyes away from John. "Don't be ridiculous. There's nothing even wrong with him, Chiana."

Chiana nodded, smiling faintly. "Do you want me to keep an eye on your little guy until Crichton wakes up?"

"I might...I might come for him later." Chiana did not respond and Aeryn heard her retreating footsteps. Once she could no longer hear them, and was sure no one else was around, she sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Crichton.

She was worried about him. She didn't like to admit it, but she was scared to go through the next twelve arns or more without him. More memories would undoubtedly come back, and she was afraid of what they might be. She needed him through that, or at least was comforted by the fact that he was around if she needed him. Besides that, she did not trust the old woman about the drug. It could be doing other things to him, it could damage him in some way. She didn't want that to happen.

Suddenly something came to mind, a memory, a new one. It didn't surprise her or jump on her, it came slowly, quietly. She closed her eyes to get a better grasp on it.

**_She looked sorrowfully down at him. It was disturbing the way his eyes were still open, so empty and staring at nothing. And he was so still..."You did it, John. There's no more dying." He did not respond in any way, and she felt tears well up in her eyes. She moved her gaze down to her child. "You know it's strange, it almost took me losing this little one to fully understand motherhood. And I love it." She kissed the baby softly on the forehead. "And all of the sudden, three is not such a scarey number." She carefully laid her son down next to John. She looked at her husband and her tears burned stronger. "But no matter how wonderful this is, I will not accept it as a _**tradeoff**_, for losing you." He still did not respond. She looked down at her son one more time before standing up and walking away._**

****Aeryn shook her head and opened her eyes. She looked at Crichton and was relieved that his eyes were closed. That memory...when had that taken place? It must've been fairly recent, since the baby was only a few weekens old. What had happened? Why had Crichton been like that, so still and with his eyes wide open? Why had he not responded? And her own words greatly troubled her. A tradeoff? Losing him? But he was right here! She looked at him again to reassure herself of that. And this time, she could not pull her eyes away from him.

Suddenly feeling a heavy sense of sorrow, she hesitantly reached for his hand. He was warm, as always. And she took comfort in it, letting it sooth her. A shudder ran down her body and she bit her tongue. She remembered well how quickly her John had lost his warmth once he died; how cold he had been in her arms. But Crichton still had his soothing warmth, and he was still alive. His chest softly rising and falling reassured her of that. And Crichton's skin still had it's color. It wasn't the grayish, pale color John had been. She stopped herself suddenly; why was she comparing them? She berated herself for doing such and pulled her hand away from Crichton's.

After a moment of staring at her lap, she returned her gaze to Crichton. She had a life with him, a family. She was still unsure on her feelings about that, but she knew there was happiness in her mix of emotions. And she could see in the way he looked at her that they had been so happy...perfect. She did admit to herself that she wanted that perfection again, the perfection that only John Crichton could give her. And she knew that she had that perfection before her case of heat delirium, before the memory loss. She would have that back again, _they_ would have it back. Eventually.

He looked so peaceful. The last few days he's been carrying such sorrowful and sometimes deeply hurt expressions. And even in her latest memories, when she had returned to Moya, he looked at her with such pain...She hated it when he had those expressions, it made her stomach clench. But he was not like that now. There was no crease of his forehead or furrow of his eyebrows, his mouth was not in a grim position...she smiled faintly.

These twelve arns were going to drag on as if they had no end.

**His head rammed into** the controls to the side of him as the prowler spun wildly. Once the prowler straightened out, he stared out the cockpit window completely dazed. What the hell...? Then it all came back to him with a snap. He had driven the car off the cliff...and now he was here? He wiped his forehead with a gloved hand and found blood on it. He felt the thick hot blood sliding down his face. He shut his eyes as a strong dizziness over came him.

A voice crackled over his communications device. "Lieutenant Crichton, get back into formation!"

Lieutenant? He was a Peacekeeper now? Oh hell. He opened his eyes and deliriously looked at the piloting controls. He couldn't remember how to fly a prowler...no matter how hard he tried, he could bring nothing to mind. "_Damn it_." He hissed between his teeth. "Frelling dream!"

He then noticed that there was no constant, irritating comments coming from Harvey. "Harv?" There was no response. He looked behind him to see if the neural clone was in the prowler with him. No one was there. "_Harvey_!" He shouted with pure anger.

"Lieutenant Crichton!" the commanding voice crackled through the communications device again. "Get back into formation before the scarran fighters lock onto you!"

_Scarrans_? Oh _hell_! He ignored the painful dizziness clouding his head and began to fumble with the controls. He had to get moving, he wasn't going to stick around here and get blown to pieces! He was frantically messing with buttons and switches when the prowler rocked again from blaster fire. He closed his eyes and held onto the piloting controls with a death grip until the prowler stopped spinning. Once it was still, all the small lights inside the cockpit flickered and went out. He stared at the console, his breath stuck in his chest. "Oh hell no. _Harvey_! Get me the hell outta here, you son of a bitch!"

The prowler violently jolted and then went completely still. It wasn't even drifting, it was just frozen...They were pulling him in. He twisted around to try and see who it was that was dragging him in. When he saw it, his heart stopped; it was a scarran dreadnought. He leaned back in the seat with panic and fear pulsing through him. He reminded himself that it wasn't real, this was just a dream; but even so he had the crap scared out of him. The only reason he was frightened was because this sure didn't feel like a dream. It felt really damn real. This was going to be one of his worst nightmares ever.

The prowler jolted again, he heard a loud shifting sound and looked up out the cockpit window. His throat tightened into a hard lump; he was on the scarran vessel. The hatch of the prowler popped open and instantly the scarrans were pulling him out. He didn't fight them, knowing it was pointless. For no apparent reason other than for the fun of it, one of the scarrans hit him hard across the face. The pain added to his dizzying headache he had from his head injury, and the bitter taste of blood flooded his mouth. The scarran leered down at him before turning away and greeting an approaching, more decorated scarran. John figured that must be the one in charge. After a moment of conversing, the scarran general turned and exited the chamber, while the other turned back to face John.

"Bring him." He ordered in bark, his deep raspy voice booming loud in the room.

The two scarrans who held John immediately began dragging him forward, following their superior. John was frantically looking around, trying to find a way out of his situation. But they reached their destination all too quickly. The two scarrans roughly shoved him forward into a small, dark, circular cell. As soon as he hit the floor, one of the scarrans slammed his foot into John's stomach with a hard kick. John instantly curled up and wrapped his arms around his stomach, stifling his groans and coughing into the floor.

The scarrans let out deep and throaty laughs. After whispering something amongst themselves, they stepped out of the cell and slammed the door shut.

John struggled to pull himself into a sitting position. He couldn't sit upright without something to brace him. So he slowly crawled over to the wall and tried again to sit up. Once he was up with his back against the wall, he wrapped his arms around his stomach again and pulled his knees up. He spat out a wad of blood and saliva and then coughed a few more times. His painful headache came back abruptly, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and lean his head back against the wall. The blood from his head injury had already dried on his skin, and he was already beginning to sweat from the heat. Heat...they thought he was a Peacekeeper, which meant they thought he was sebacean. He wasn't nearly as susceptible to heat as sebaceans, but if they cranked it high enough...humans didn't exactly handle heat well either.

He sighed with heavy annoyance. This was all Noranti's fault. Why the hell did she drug him? So _what_ if he hasn't been sleeping? Why would she care? She could've at least put him in a dreamless sleep! Or at least make it more dream-like, this all felt far too real for comfort. He just wanted to wake up; he was worried about Aeryn. She could remember a lot of things in twelve arns, and he had a lot he wanted to explain to her before hand. But instead he had to wait in this world created by his own subconscious! This _had_ to be a side effect of Noranti's drug! It just wasn't...normal; as normal as dreams are anyway.

A voice interrupted his thoughts, a voice that greatly irritated him, the voice of Harvey. "You've got yourself in quite a situation, John."

Opening his eyes, he glared at the clone who stood in the middle of the cell. "Get me out of here, Harv."

"We have already been over this, John."

"My subconscious created you, it controls you, and I want you to get me out." John stated. "So you can do it, you can get me out of here."

Harvey sighed and glanced around as if greatly interested in the small room. "You can change all this yourself, John."

"That's bull."

"You changed the racetrack to this place."

"I changed it by killing myself. And I didn't _pick_ this place!"

Harvey whirled to face John with a smile as if he'd figured out something incredible. "You changed it by dying. So die again!"

There was a loud sound at the door, drawing John's attention. But when he looked back, Harvey was gone. "Damn it Harvey!" He shouted with anger, his loud voice bouncing off the walls.

The door of the cell opened and the scarran general stormed in. He towered over John and sneered down at him. His hand lashed out, grabbed John's neck and lifted him into the air. The scarran slammed John up against the wall and held him there, tightening his hold around John's neck. John held onto the scarran's bulky wrist and his feet dangled as he struggled to breathe; his face turning red from the strain.

"Hello Peacekeeper." The scarran growled, his voice deep and throaty.

John smiled weakly, breathing hard for more air. "Hi."

The scarran barred his teeth in a smile. "Unfortunately for you, we do not need you alive." His sneer widened and he leaned closer to John. "Which is very fortunate for me. I will enjoy killing you."

He pulled John away from the wall and roughly threw him down on the floor. John hit the ground hard, landing on his arm, and his body rolled from the momentum. The scarran quickly walked over to him and kicked him repeatedly. John felt one or more of his ribs break, shooting pain throughout his body. One more kick to the stomach caused him to cough up a clot of blood. The scarran put his foot down on John's chest and pressed down hard, pinning him down. John's pain was so intense that his vision began to blur and fade. The scarran laughed and brought his hand up, pointing it towards John's face. A blazing ray of heat shot out from his hand and ate away at John's flesh. The last thing John felt was his skin melting.

**The red triangular tower **bounced back and she swung at it again. She gritted her teeth and punched it again as hard as she could. She had left him, for a second time. And she had broken his heart for a second time. She was more than angry with herself for doing such a thing. She remembered clearly why she had left, but now it seemed like the most fahrbot and stupid thing she could've done. She remembered all of it, the way he had tried desperately to get her to stay. She remembered clearly the way he had looked at her, so broken and hurt, so incredibly in love with her and she just turned her back on him and left. She had felt torn, it had been hard to leave him, more than she had thought it would be. But she was pissed at herself for doing that to him.

And she remembered what it was like not living on Moya anymore, not having the companionship of her friends, and not having Crichton. It didn't take her much time at all to start missing him; even more than she had before, after John died. It had become a wide, deep hole inside her, aching for him, yet still not able to go back. And she had carried with her the guilt of not telling him about the baby. She remembered how terrified she had been, of who the father of the baby was, of being pregnant. She had tried to convince herself that it belonged to John, and she had thought of all their long nights making love, but that only strengthened her longing for him. It made her regret ever leaving Crichton, her second chance of being happy and living in perfection. She remembered all that pain.

She remembered trying to distract and occupy herself with her missions, fill the gap inside her with duty. She had hoped to bury all her emotions and thoughts of John Crichton underneath her assignments. She wanted to reconstruct those Peacekeeper walls that only John Crichton had torn down. None of it had worked though. She was no longer that type of person. She put on the mask while away on missions, but otherwise, she was just Aeryn. And he was always on her mind...as well as the baby.

Aeryn hadn't known that the baby came about in such a way. It was a surprise, a bad one at the time, and it had scared her. And she didn't know that she had not told Crichton about it. She couldn't help but now wonder with an even stronger curiosity how the stasis was released, or at least how she had decided to release it.

And she wondered when she had decided to come back to Moya, how she even found Moya, and what her reunion with Crichton had been like. Had he been angry with her, or had he accepted her back with open arms? Neither seemed to be the right answer. She wished she could talk to him about it, but he was still unconscious, and would be for another few arns at least.

A flashback suddenly came to mind, and she froze, realizing that it was something new. It wasn't like the rest, it didn't start off with just voices or images, it was more of...an echo. It scratched fiercely at her mind, wanting to get out. It seemed dark, bitter sweet, wonderful yet horrible. It troubled and frustrated her, and she wanted to grab it and pull it out into the open so that she could see it. But the more she reached for it, the more it became evasive. And then it abruptly shot across her mind like a pulse blast, and it all came rushing back, almost too quickly for her to comprehend.

**_She stood still, staring at him, waiting...He kept his pulse pistol, Winona, aimed at her as he stared at her with hard, disbelieving eyes. She took a step forward, tears slowly rolling down her face, hoping that he would accept her, let her stay. Finally his expression softened, and with that quirk of his mouth that she so loved and missed so dearly, he shook his head. _**

_**"Aeryn...you've come back." His voice was low and heavy with many emotions. Mainly love, longing, as well as relief. Lowering his gun, he smiled wider, his eyes never leaving her face. "Everything's going to be all right."**_

_**A tiny sob shook her, not able to escape her closed lips. Why did she have to do this to him? Why did she have to come back only to let him down, to have to tell him what was wrong? Nothing was going to be all right. And he was going to be so angry with her, he was going to hate her. But frell, seeing him again...She slowly shook her head.**_

_**He began to walk towards her, his smile widening as he got closer to her. "Everything..."**_

_**She ached to touch him, to feel his skin. She reached out for him.**_

_**He was right in front of her now, so close that she could smell him and feel his warmth. He slowly began to reach his hands out to her. "...is gonna be - "**_

_**Her last bit of strength evaporated as searing heat suddenly washed over her body. Her legs gave out and she leaned into him as she fell to the floor. Immediately, his warm, strong arms were firmly around her, easing her fall. He held onto her, keeping her in his lap, and he pressed his lips to her forehead.**_

_**She ignored the painful burning throughout her bod, and concentrated on him. She had missed him frelling much, everything about him; his arrogance and stubbornness, his bizarre human ways, his craziness, his smile and his voice, the way he felt...Being in his arms now, she felt the safest she's been ever since she had left Moya. Everything seemed right, even though there were so many things wrong. **_

_**"Baby you're burning up." He mumbled against her forehead, his voice thick with concern.**_

_**She took a deep breath, trying to resist the heat. "I've got heat delirium." She informed him with a trembling, weak voice. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "You have to promise me something."**_

_**"Promise you what?" He asked in a worried whisper.**_

_**"You have to promise me that you will not kill him."**_

_**"Won't kill who?"**_

_**"He found me. He saved my life."**_

_**"Who saved your life? Who?"**_

_**Then a voice interrupted them, the one she knew he would recognize in less than half a microt. "I did."**_

****Aeryn stood motionless, her hands hanging at her sides as she stared at the red punching tower. The memory slipped away slowly, leaving small fragments of what had happened behind. She remained still as the recollection sunk in. She had come back to Moya, back to him, about to die and with Scorpius with her. That was a betrayal to John in more than one way.

She moistened her lips with her tongue and swallowed. She no longer had the energy to continue her rounds, so she turned away from the punching tower and removed her gloves. Once she pulled on hand free, she froze and stared down at it. It was still bandaged from when Crichton had treated her hands. Her breath snagged in her chest as the memory played across her mind. His soft warm hands gently caressing hers, his lips brushing across her knuckles with tender kisses...She closed her eyes, feeling her stomach flutter. Cholak, she missed him already.

Opening her eyes, she pulled off the other glove and tossed the pair onto a nearby table. She would shower, and then she would go check up on Crichton. She suddenly had an overpowering need to be near him, a strong aching to touch him; feel his skin and hair beneath her fingertips. Besides, she always did like to watch him sleep.

**There was a hand** on his forehead, gentle and soothing. It seemed to make the pain vanish and calm him. He was barely able to open his eyes; his eyelids were heavy and stiff and he only got them open a little less than half way. The owner of the hand was nothing but a blur. It spoke, but its voice was muffled and low.

"He is wakening." The figure leaned closer to him. "Can you hear me, John?"

He shut his eyes again and waited a moment before opening them again. His vision was more clear now, everything was still blurred, but he could make out what most things were. The figure above him, the owner of the hand, was Zhaan. Both her hands were on his face now, and her blue eyes were clouded with concern. "John?"

He swallowed in a swollen throat and spoke in a raspy whisper, barely audible. "Zhaan..."

She looked relieved and smiled slightly. "Thank the Goddess. I was beginning to think we had lost you. It is good to have you back, John."

John kept silent as he stared at her. She wasn't real, but it was nice to see her again. He had really missed her. He moved his eyes away from her to try to take in his surroundings, figure out where he was now and what was going on. But he did not recognize anything, if he could make it out. He shifted his eyes back to Zhaan. "Where -"

"Do not try to talk, John." Zhaan said, raising her hand in gesture."You need to recover."

Another figure appeared next to Zhaan, John identified it as Chiana. "How is he?" She asked quietly.

"He is back."

"You were able to cure him?"

"Yes, but he is very weak. And that blow to the head is not helping him either."

John closed his eyes, his confusion making his head hurt. "Zhaan...Chi...what, what happened?"

Chiana pushed past Zhaan and leaned close to him, stroking his hair. "It's okay, Crichton. Those frellnicks tried to turn you, but we fixed it. We got it outta ya." Her faint smile disappeared when he did not respond. "Don't you remember, Crichton?"

He was barely able to shake his head. "I...I don't..."

"He is still recovering, Chiana. He will have short term memory loss for a while." Zhaan explained calmly to the young nebari. She then gently placed her hand over John's. "You were captured by the Nebari, John. They had mind cleansed you. It was drug induced, so I was able to get it out of your body without too much difficulty."

There was another voice, one he did not know, calling Chiana's attention. She turned to Zhaan. "I have to return to the front lines. Take care of him." She looked at him one more time before leaving.

John looked back to Zhaan. "Hey, Blue..." He paused to take in a deep breath and swallow in his swollen throat again. "Why do I...feel like I've been...hit by a train...?"

"The drug was strong. More advanced than we have had experience with. I drained most of it from your system, but a small amount still remains. It was have a lingering affect on you for a few arns, possibly a couple solar days." She smiled at him reassuringly. "You will recover completely."

"But my...my head...hurts..."

"You were part of the last wave of nebari soldiers that attacked us." She explained calmly, her smile now gone. "One of our soldiers knocked you out. We told everyone to keep an eye out for you and to keep you alive."

He smiled faintly. "Thanks. So we're...helping the Resistance?"

"Yes. And the Peacekeepers have allied with them as well."

Man, what a dream. This seemed pretty damn real. Not just the way everything looked, felt, but the story as well. He was actually pretty interested in this.

"How um...how long was I...gone?"

Zhaan went still and met his eyes with hers. "You were captured three solar days ago."

Her comms crackled and Aeryn's voice came through. "Zhaan, has John woken up yet?"

"Yes Aeryn." Zhaan replied. "He is awake, but he's -"

"Why the frell didn't you tell me?" Aeryn snapped harshly. "I'm coming back there. I'll be there in a hundred microts."

Zhaan looked up from her comms on her wrist and smiled at John. "She had been very worried about you."

Aeryn...what was their relationship in this dream? It didn't really matter, she wasn't real.

John began to try to sit up. "Blue...help me up."

Zhaan was instantly at his side, and placing her hands on his shoulders, she gently pushed him back down. "No John, you are not ready to get up yet. You must rest and regain your strength." She held a cup in front of him and carefully tilted his head up with her hand. "Drink this. It will help to ease the pain and swelling in your throat."

He carefully drank from the cup; the liquid was cool and slid easily down his throat. It didn't really have a taste, and already he could feel its soothing effects. It was exactly like something the real Zhaan would've give him.

He vaguely made out running footsteps in the distance. He couldn't tell who it was though, he didn't even want to think. He remembered clearly that none of this was real, but when he heard her voice, relief and joy pulsed through him. In half a microt, she was at his side, staring down at him with haggard eyes and a creased brow from heavy worry. Yet she stood a few paces away from where he lay, tense.

"It is all right, Aeryn." Zhaan said, placing her hand on Aeryn's shoulder. "He is free of the Contagion."

Aeryn slowly approached him, still cautious and uncertain. "John?"

He couldn't help the words that slipped from his mouth. "Hey Honey."

She sighed heavily and he could see the muscles in her body relax. Her eyes traveled up and drown his body. "What did they do to you?"

"Nothin'." He muttered.

Her expression instantly went firm. "You look like dren, John. What did those frellnicks do to you?"

John shut his eyes, the pain in his head returning. "I don't remember, Aeryn."

There was a brief silence before she spoke again. "I'm sorry." He smiled faintly and the pain in his head vanished when he felt her fingertips on his face. "I was beginning to think that I'd lost you. And I had actually hoped that they had killed you, rather than brain wash you." Her voice died to a whisper. "They had said it was irreversible."

Real or not, he couldn't take the pain in her voice that she was trying desperately to mask. He softly placed his hand over hers, keeping it pressed against his face. "It's all right Baby, I'm here." He opened his eyes to look at her and his gut tightened at how worn she looked. "Aeryn, you looked exhausted."

"This war has lasted a couple weekens, John. And when you were captured..." She never finished her sentence and continued to gaze at him, her eyes sparkling with love and great relief. Then, gathering her strength back up, she said. "We have to get you out of here. You need to be at a medical facility."

"Normally I would protest." Zhaan chimed in. "But I'm afraid Aeryn is right. Besides, this place is not well protected."

John tried to move his head to get a look around, but a sharp jab of pain from the back of his head down to his shoulders prevented him from doing so. He clamped his teeth down tight and held in a hiss of pain. Once the pain subsided, he asked. "Where exactly are we?"

It was Aeryn who answered. "A small shelter. Not a very stable one, though. We're not far from where the last battle took place. There could be another attack any time. I don't want you in here when that happens."

He wondered how long this one would last. And hopefully he didn't have to die to end it. He didn't like dying. The pain in the back of his head throbbed and he groaned. "How far is it? I'm not sure if I can walk."

"It's not too far. I'll help you there. But we have to go now, John."

At that moment the ground shook and there was a loud rumble.

"It's too late, Aeryn!" Zhaan said over the nearby sounds of battle. "They are already here!"

"Frell." Aeryn hissed in a whisper. "Zhaan, the medical facility is too far away. I'm gonna take him to the transport pod and head back to Moya."

Zhaan nodded. "Be careful. Both of you."

"What about you, Zhaan?" John asked as Aeryn helped him sit up and get to his feet.

"I am needed here."

John paused, wondering whether he should argue or not. But he decided against it; she wasn't real after all. But he couldn't help telling her to be careful.

Zhaan smiled. "Thank you John. Now go before it is too late."

Aeryn leaned into John, letting him use her for support. One hand she had around his waist, and in the other she held her pulse pistol. "The transport pod isn't far, John. But we have to hurry."

A bit delirious from the throbbing pain in his head and somewhat breathless from the effort to stand, he nodded. "All right. I'm ready." He tried not to lean into her too much, knowing she couldn't brace all his weight.

"Are you sure?" She asked firmly.

"Damn it Aeryn, we don't have a choice or the time!" He was losing his patience with this dream. And being in the condition he was in was _very_ annoying.

They stumbled hastily around debris and bodies, and smoke was drifting through the air. John felt uncomfortable without Winona, so he reached down and fumbled with his holster with numb fingers until he finally got her free. He squeezed the handle with a tight grasp and already felt better. He looked at Aeryn. He figured from the way she had acted and talked earlier, they were together in this dream. "So, did you miss me?"

"Don't joke about that John." She replied harshly.

"I'm not. I'm asking you a question."

"Now is not a good time."

"I'd rather be talking than tripping along to the transport pod in dead quiet."

"We are in the middle of battle, John. It is far from quiet. And talking is distracting. We should be listening for a possible ambush."

John smiled and held in chuckle. This Aeryn was exactly like the real Aeryn. Dreams usually screwed things up, made everything crazy and a bit off, mixing up people and places, voices and personalities. He was surprised that this was so accurate.

Suddenly she stopped, causing him to halt as well. She was completely still, and he could feel her body tense up even more. Something was wrong, or she had heard something. He kept his mouth shut and listened himself. After a couple minutes of standing like that and nothing had happened, he spoke. "Aeryn?"

"I thought I heard something. But it must've been nothing." She gently tugged on him and they began walking again. She was still on full alert though, and feeling her arm tighten around his waist sent shivers down his back.

John wasn't so convinced it was nothing, either. He kept himself alert and gripped his pulse pistol even tighter. Escapes were never easy and clean. Even though this was a dream and it could very well happen that way, he was highly skeptical. And he had this tight feeling in his gut that something was about to happen.

They walked another minute or two, quick paced, before John's legs went weak and gave out. He fell to the ground and Aeryn fell with him, her arm still around his waist. John lay flat on his back, the wind knocked out of him and breathing hard. The throbbing in the back of his head greatly increased and pain returned to his throat. Aeryn climbed off of him in a flash, worried her weight would cause him more pain. She instantly had her hands cradling his face with urgency, staring at him with panic and deep concern. "John? John are you all right?"

His eyelids fluttered, and he struggled to open them again. "I...pain is back..."

"How bad is it?"

"B-bad...like before...everywhere...head, throat..."

She reached up and stroked his hair. "The Contagion has been modified, more advanced. They had said...that it was irreversable." Her eyes glossed over with tears and she shook her head. "I wouldn't accept that. Zhaan did everything she could, it took days."

His chest stung with painful sorrow at seeing her expression. He reached up to touch her face. "S-sorry...'bout that..."

Aeryn smiled shakily, and his heart skipped when she kissed him lightly on the lips. "We have to keep moving John. Can you walk?"

"I'm...n-not sure."

"Well we have no choice but to try." She rose to her feet. It took them a few moments, but he finally got to his feet. "The transport pod is only a few more metras away, John. We can make it."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "All right."

Before they even took a step, there was a loud rustling sound and heavy footsteps coming from around the corner ahead of them. Aeryn instantly had her pulse pistol up, and John followed shortly after. A nasty looking and heavily armored nebari appeared from around the corner, carrying a large nebari weapon. John didn't know whose side this nebari was on, but Aeryn obviously did. Without hesitation she began firing at the nebari; John followed her example. The pulse blasts had no effect against the nebari's armor, and that scared the crap out of John. He and Aeryn had stopped firing, seeing it was pointless. The nebari raised his own weapon.

Aeryn cursed and roughly shoved John to the side. He slammed into the wall face first and collapsed. He heard the loud sound of a blast and with searing panic, snapped his head up just in time to see Aeryn blown back by the rippling blast from the nebari's weapon.

Fear stabbed straight down his body. "_Aeryn_!" He did his best to get to his feet as quickly as possible and half stumbled, half ran over to her. To his great relief she was not badly hurt. There were only a couple scratches and bruises here and there. She grunted as she sat up. "You okay?" John asked with concern.

"I'm fine." Aeryn got to her feet and glared at the nebari.

"How're we gonna beat this guy?" John whispered.

Before she could reply, the nebari charged at them. They both dived out of the way, but the nebari headed straight for John. It grabbed him around the neck and lifted him in the air. Deja vu! This reminded him all too much of his previous encounter with the scarran. Aeryn came up behind the nebari about to strike, but it swung back at her with a heavy, armored arm, knocking her back. John's heart hammered when the nebari lifted its weapon and jabbed the muzzle into his stomach. This was it, he was going to die. He was relieved this dream would be over, but he was scared of what the next one would be. He closed his eyes and heard the loud blast of the weapon. His stomach felt like it had exploded, and the last thing he heard was Aeryn screaming his name.

**Aeryn smiled softly as** she wrapped her arms around D'Argo and carefully lifted him from his bed. His face scrunched up as he yawned with a wide open mouth. Her smile broadened a bit at the sight. She cradled him against her stomach and gently stroked his face with one finger. "Don't you worry little one. I"m going to take good care of you. We're going to visit your father."

Getting a better hold on the baby, she turned and walked out of the room, heading for Crichton's quarters. She had come to her child after she had showered. She had a desire to see and hold him, and had decided to take him with her to see Crichton.

She remembered that when she had been away from Moya, she had not been able to imagine having a child. Whether John was there to help her or not made no difference. It was just too mind boggling to her. But the more time she spent with her son, the more she grew attached to him. And she wished deeply that John was awake to enjoy it with her. He would be soon, though. Just a few more arns.

When she reached Crichton's quarters, she halted in the doorway and bristled with anger. Rygel was in the room examining the objects on the shelves and tables. "You disgust me, Rygel." She barked.

Rygel whirled around to face her, startled. He frowned. "What the yotz are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend with me. I know why you're in here."

"I didn't come here to steal anything, if that's what you think!"

She sat down on the edge of the bed and rearranged her hold on D'Argo. "Then what are you doing in here?"

"I came to check up on Crichton." He announced pridefully.

Aeryn arched an eyebrow at him. "Really?"

"Yes. You think I'd steal from any of you after all we've been through?" He then looked around with disapproval. "Besides, there's nothing worth stealing in here. It's all garbage."

"Most things you like to collect are garbage." She pointed out with amusement.

Rygel glowered at her, but made no response. He then turned to look at Crichton. "What the yotz happened to him anyway?"

"You came to check up on him and you don't even know what happened?"

"Chiana told me he was sick!"

Aeryn looked down at Crichton; he was completely still aside from his chest softly raising and falling. And in all these arns he hadn't moved from his position once. "Noranti drugged him to put him asleep."

"Why the hezmana did she do that?"

"She thought she was helping."

He snorted. "I've always said she's fahrbot and dangerous! But no one ever listened to me!" He turned his throne sled and glided out of the room.

Aeryn hadn't taken her eyes off Crichton. She missed him so badly and it's only been a few arns. Of course having recently remembered her time away from Moya and how much she longed for him then only added to it. She removed one hand from around D'Argo and lightly touched John's face. For a moment she softly ran her fingertips back and forth across his jaw bone. Then she moved them down to trace his lips. She missed that mouth of his. It's been far too long since she's tasted it.

She didn't think of him as the other one or the clone anymore. He was John Crichton and always will be. And she loved him. Smiling sadly, she wished she could tell him that now. Well she could, but she wanted him conscious to hear it. She trailed her fingers across his cheek up to his hair and ran her hand through it. Leaning down, she pressed her forehead against his. He was still warm, and it made her want to get closer to him, feel more of his heat. But instead she lightly kissed his forehead and whispered. "I love you, John Crichton. Wake up soon."

**It was warm and** soft. He could feel it pressed against his cheek, his arms...his entire front side. And it felt so familiar...He ran his fingers around in it, feeling the texture. Then he opened his eyes to confirm his belief; sand. There was the relaxing sound of the ocean waves slapping against the shore in the distance. He lifted himself up on his elbows and took a look around. It was a beautiful beach...and he was the only one there. He couldn't help but wonder what sort of dream it would be this time. Hopefully a good one.

He sat up on his knees and brushed the sand off his skin. He noticed he was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. Standing up, he took in more of his surroundings. Tall, gray cliffs towered up behind him, but other than that there was nothing but sand and waves. This was a little bit...odd. Although dreams usually were.

"John!"

Startled, he spun around and found Aeryn running towards him. She had a large smile on her face and she was wearing a black bikini. His eyes slowly ran up and down her body. Damn, she looked good.

She ran up to him, threw her arms around his neck and jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist. "Hi." She said cheerfully, smiling widely.

His arms had automatically went around her waist and he couldn't help but smile back. That smile of hers had always been rare. But ever since the war ended, he had seen it more often. He loved it when she smiled like that. "Hey Baby. Where have you been?" He wanted to know what the story was this time.

Aeryn caught her bottom lip between her teeth and smiled at him in a way that made his stomach twist up. She slowly pulled her legs off from around him and stood on her feet. With her arms still around his neck, she roughly pulled him down onto the sand. She settled herself comfortably on top of him and smiled, her hair falling over one side of her neck.

John stared up into her sparkling eyes and felt a lump form in his throat. God, he had missed the feeling of having her this close, body against body. He couldn't fight the temptations screaming at him and didn't even try. He let his hands travel up and down her bare back, her skin hot from the sun.

"This place is perfect."

"For what?" He was still distracted with how her soft skin felt under his palms.

"For us. There's no one around, no DRDs, no worry of interruption, no sudden attacks or emergencies. Nothing." She leaned down closer to him, lightly brushed her lips across his and whispered, "It's just you and me."

"Just you and me." He repeated in a murmur.

Her light touch of lips on his was more teasing than he could handle. The fact that this was a dream had long since left his mind. And even if he did remember, he may not have cared. He's missed her far too frelling much. Running a hand up her back and into her hair, he pulled her down to close the last half inch of space and pressed his mouth hard against hers. Any remaining sense he had left vanished when her tongue, rough and demanding, pushed on his. He slid his hands down her long neck, across her collar bone and shoulders, and back up again.

Aeryn pulled back from the kiss suddenly. "John what are you doing?"

He opened his eyes and noticed that his hands were now around her neck, and they had begun to squeeze. Panic and fear struck him when he realized he could not control his hands or body. His heart drummed in his ears and hammered in his chest as his hands closed in tighter. And when he looked her in the eyes, his stomach clenched. "Aeryn, stop me." He begged. "Stop me now!"

Her eyes were rolled back and her breathing had become heavy and shallow. Her neck and face had turned red and his hands gripped her neck even tighter. Her quick and heavy breathing was slowing down drastically and her eyelids falling shut.

Tears burned strongly in his eyes and he called out to her, his voice hoarse and heavy with panic. Her breathing slowly came to a stop, and her eyes fell shut. He stared at her, frozen with shock. He suddenly had control of his body again, and he gently rolled her off him onto her back. Heart still pounding and still filled with horror, he brushed the hair out of her face. He spoke with a heavy, trembling voice. "Aeryn?" She was lifeless, and her neck was dark red from his hands. His tears slid out of his eyes and slowly strolled down his face as he stared at her dead face.

"It's not real, John. It's only a dream." A voice said at his ear.

John knew that it was Harvey, but he was too shocked to make a sarcastic reply. "I don't like to see the people I love die. Even if it's fake." His voice died down to a whisper and he stroked Aeryn's face. "I killed her..."

"It is quite common for a dream to turn into a nightmare." John made no reply. "Do you know the meaning of this dream, John?" Still no response. "This is to show you what I could've done when I still existed, when I still had control over you."

John slightly turned his head towards Harvey. "You caused this? You showed me this?"

"I am no more in control of myself than you are of what happens here. It is your subconscious controlling me, John."

John looked back at Aeryn. "You did make me kill her, Harv. Just not with my hands."

And quite suddenly, the scene changed. The beach was gone, Aeryn was gone, and John was lying in a pool of mist back in his leather clothes. John sat up abruptly. "What the hell?"

"It appears that you are waking up." Harvey announced, looking up at nothing in particular.

John got to his feet and faced Harvey. "You mean it's over? I'm regaining consciousness?"

"It would seem so."

John wasn't so quick to believe it. "How can you tell?"

Harvey looked down at one of his hands. "I am weakening John. Fading away, if you will. As well as the surroundings that your mind had created. Dreams slip away when one awakens."

John was silent a moment and remained completely still. Then he shouted out a loud, "_Yes_!" and he broke out in laughter. "Damn, I can't wait to get out of here! How long is waking up going to take?"

"Not very long at all." Harvey said, somewhat sadly. "You are already fading."

John looked down at his body and discovered that he was becoming transparent. "Whoa...that's kinda cool."

"Good-bye John Crichton."

And then everything went black.

**His mouth felt thick,** as well as his throat. He swallowed, but it didn't help any. His lips felt dry, so he quickly ran his tongue over them. It was difficult to open his eyes; his eyelids were heavy and it stung to open them. He only managed to get them open about half way and was relieved to see the familiar ceiling of Moya. Closing his eyes again, he smiled slightly. He lifted his arm to rub at his eyes and then slowly struggled to sit up. His body was incredibly stiff and sore which made it difficult to move. He stretched best he could, losening his back and shoulder muscles, and then brought his feet around to the edge of the bed and stood up. He wobbled and put his hand against the wall to brace himself. He looked around again; this was his room. When Noranti drugged him, he was in here...he collapsed on the floor. He wondered what time it was and where everybody was. He swallowed again, trying to rid himself of the disgusting thickness in his mouth and decided he needed water.

He stumbled out into the corridor and moved his hand from rib to rib of the passageway until his walking ability improved. His vision was a bit fuzzy with sleep and he had a slight headache. Twelve arns of drugged sleep couldn't be good for a person. He'd have to talk to Noranti later and make sure there are no side effects or damage from whatever it was she blew in his face. He still felt drugged, probably just the last bit of it was still wearing off. He'd have to work it out after he got some water. He needed some energy back and he wanted to losen up his tight muscles.

Once he made it to the center chamber, he poured himself a full glass of water and went over to the nearest basin. He took in a mouthful of water, swished it around his mouth and spat it all out. He repeated this two more times, then gulped down the remaining water. He filled it up again and drank it down just as quickly. Setting down the cup he turned on the water in the basin and filled his cupped hands with water and splashed it on his face. He scrubbed hard at his face, rubbed at his eyes, and then dried off. Already he felt much better.

Leaving the center chamber, he decided to head back to his quarters. He felt grimy and could probably use a shower; it has been twelve arns afterall. As he walked, his thoughts wandered to Aeryn. Surely she had regained more of her memory while he was unconscious. Last time he had seen her was out on the terrace, and she had only just recently remembered the other Crichton's death. There was no saying how much she could've remembered in twelve arns, he had no idea where in the timeline she was at. Hopefully she didn't have to go through anything too painful. He would have to look for her after he showered. Besides that, he just wanted to see her. Watching her die in his last dream was crystal clear in his mind and had deeply shaken him. He wanted to make sure she was okay; and she might've remembered something important or that needs explaining while he was asleep. There were things he needed to tell her ahead of time, before she remembered them for herself.

Once he reached his quarters, he was surprised to see Aeryn. She had heard his approach and instantly spun on her heel to face him. She looked tired, and her expression was dark with pure concern. Her eyes lit up at the sight of him. "John...you're awake....when you weren't in here, I just...I didn't..." She stopped and swallowed. "When did you wake up?"

John gazed at her, not able to take his eyes off her. "I dunno, a few minutes ago maybe."

They stared at each other in silence for a moment before Aeryn's mouth stretched into a small smile. "I was wondering when you were gonna wake up. You've been unconscious for over twelve arns."

He nodded and walked in, wanting to get closer to her. "Yeah, I figured it's been a long time. I feel like I've been asleep for a week."

"Are you all right? That drug Noranti gave you was pretty strong." She seemed genuinely concerned, and it perked his curiosity.

"As far as I know, I'm okay. I'm gonna have a little chat with Noranti though, just in case there's something I don't know about. You never know with that woman. And I'm not to happy that she did this in the first place."

Aeryn's smile widened, and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. And he was even more surprsied when she reached out to touch his face. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her skin and the gentle strokes and caresses. "I've missed you." She whispered.

John opened his eyes to look at her, his curiosity of how much she now remembered was too strong to hold back any longer. "Aeryn...how much have you...what do you remember?"

Her smile slightly died, and her eyes went dark. She was scared about something, worried, and it greatly concerned him. "I remember coming back to Moya, with Scorpius. And you..." She blinked and more tears glossed her eyes. "You were angry with me, for not telling you about the baby."

He remembered that all too well. And he could only imagine how she must be feeling right now. He reached out to her and pulled her to him in a warm embrace. "It's okay, Aeryn." He murmured into her hair.

"I hurt you...I left you twice...I brought back Scorpius...I betrayed you in so many ways -"

"Aeryn, stop." He pulled back to look at her and gently caressed her face with one hand. "I admit that I was hurt and angry, but I understood why you did what you did. We got through it."

"But John -"

"I'll explain it to you, Aeryn, but not now. There are other things we have to talk about too, things I need to tell you." He didn't take his eyes off hers as he brushed her hair back and softly ran his fingers down her temple. His voice was a low whisper. "But not now."

Aeryn gazed at him, her tears still swirling in her eyes. She leaned towards him and brought her mouth up to his in a sweet, soft kiss. His mouth opened to her, and his stomach fluttered when she carefully slid her tongue across the roof of his mouth and over his upper lip. He pulled back suddenly and swallowed.

"Aeryn, we shouldn't -"

"I love you, John." She interrupted, her voice soft and quiet. "I need you to know that I love you, and that I don't think of you as the copy or the other one. You are John Crichton and I love you so frelling much." Her smile was watery and her tears finally escaped from the corners of her eyes. "I need you. And I need you to help me through all this."

He had been holding his breath and his heart was beating faster. She had told him the same thing not too long ago. Only a couple days ago actually. And God, it felt so damn good to hear her say it. And this time when she kissed him, she knew who he was. And this time he could comfortably tell her he loved her back. He gave her his small lopsided grin. "I love you too, Aeryn. I'm here for you and I always will be." He swallowed hard. "I just don't think that we should...it wouldn't be right...I can't..."

"What, John?" Her eyebrows were raised and her forehead was creased with fear. He didn't mean to scare her.

"We should keep the physical stuff to a minimum."

She looked a bit disappointed, but she smiled with relief. She had been worried it would be something more serious. "So no kissing."

"No kissing." He agreed. She nodded, and leaned forward to gently snag some skin on his jaw between her lips. He let out a shuddering sigh and then pulled back from her a little more. "Okay, no kissing anywhere."

Aeryn smiled widely at him and he couldn't help but smile back. "All right then. No kissing. And when does this rule end?"

His smile faded. "I...I dunno."

She understood why he was doing this, how he felt. And she would honor and respect that.

His voice broke through her thoughts. "You should get some rest Aeryn. You look exhausted."

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to leave." Her arms tightened around him; he got the message.

Taking her hand in his, he lead her over to his bed. Laying down, he gently pulled her down with him. This time was much different from the last time they slept together. Before, she had been hesitant and tense. This time she snuggled as close as she could to him, threw one leg over his thigh, wrapped her arm tight around his waist and burried her face in the crook of his neck. God how he missed this, being this close to her, feeling her heat, being able to touch and hold her. He put his own arm around her to hold her closer to him, and shut his eyes to get some real sleep. Sleep that wasn't drugged or filled with crazy dreams and horrible nightmares. Just normal, sweet sleep.

_**Oh man, where do **I even start? Well, I guess I should go in the order that things happened. So here it goes._

_I don't know what the hell possessed Noranti to drug me asleep. She must've thought she was helping me or something. I know everyone was able to tell that I haven't had any sleep in days, but that's my business. It's not Noranti's responsibility to take care of me, if you could even call it that. I'm not letting her off easy on this, first thing I'm doing tomorrow is going to pay her a little visit and have a little chat. I don't want any of her drugs in my body, or in Aeryn's for that matter. Not after what happened with the lakka..._

_And if she _was_ trying to help, she could've at least given me a dreamless sleep! Seeing Harvey again was far less than pleasant. And of course not to mention being captured, tortured and killed by the scarrans and then having a smiliar situation with the nebari. And that one about Aeryn...It makes me shudder just to think about it. Since it felt so real I sometimes forget that it never happened. Talk about the absolute worst nightmare I've ever had! I don't even wanna write about it anymore._

_Aeryn is...God she's amazing. It was an unexpected yet pleasant surprise to wake up to a kiss and a "I love you." That just felt so amazingly damn good to hear. There's a lot that she remembered while I was unconscious though. She seems to be pretty upset by it, so I think maybe tomorrow I should talk to her about it when I tell her about the other things I want to tell her. I have to tell her about why I was pushing her away all that time, about Scorpius, and about her being captured by the scarrans. She needs to know about them. I don't want to just let her remember it on her own, have it jump on her and scare the crap outta her. I can't let that happen, and I won't. She's been through hell enough as it is. I just can't wait until this is all over._

Well, there it is. So how'd you all like it? I told you it's a little crazy and different. But I really hope that you guys enjoyed it. I certainly had fun writting it. There are only three more chapters of this story left, and an epilogue. Then it'll be done! I'm just giving you guys a heads up. I have it alllllll planned out! :)

HRS


	11. Chapter Ten

**CHAPTER TEN**

**It had been easy ** to forget everything that had happened the last few days, to think that everything was normal. He had slept only for a few arns, after that he was far too energized to even shut his eyes. He's had over twelve arns of sleep, after all. Aeryn hadn't stirred at all since she fell asleep, except to hold onto him tighter or push even closer to him. At one point she had slid her leg between his and her thigh had been firmly pressing against a spot that was dangerous territory. He had managed to rearrange their legs without her waking.

He had forgotten how beautiful she was when asleep. Well she was always beautiful, but when she was sleeping it was...it was just special. He missed the sight dearly, and during the time that he was awake he had not taken his eyes off her.

He wasn't sure if she understood his reason for the No Kissing rule. He just didn't feel it'd be right until her memory has fully returned. At the moment he absolutely hated himself for making that stupid rule, as her soft and pale skin looked gorgeous and was beckoning to him. He could cheat, she would never know since she was asleep. But that wouldn't be fair. So he bit his tongue and fought off the temptations.

Aeryn stirred slightly, making his heart skip, and slowly she opened her eyes. It had always taken his breath away, seeing her wake up. And it did so now. She blinked a few times and smiled at him, her eyes still heavy with sleep.

"Hi Honey." He greeted, his voice a quiet rumbled from arns of not being used.

He received a toothy grin in response. "Hi." She pulled her arm away from his waist, leaving his side feeling cold and naked, and brought her hand up to run it through his hair.

John's eyes automatically fell shut as he indulged in the sensation of her fingers running over his scalp. He slowly pulled his eyes open to find Aeryn smiling softly, and he couldn't help but smile back at her with his small lopsided grin. "Did you sleep well"

"Yes I did." She answered while continuing to brush her fingers through his hair.

Something wasn't right. She was being unusually quiet; and there was a look in her eyes that bothered him. "Aeryn, something wrong"

Her brow furrowed and she smiled slightly. "Course not."

She wasn't at the point yet where she knew how well he knew her. He had seen the walls she had thrown up in her eyes, and he felt a small pang of hurt. "Something's wrong, Aeryn. I can tell. Was it...did you remember something while you were sleep"

Her hand slowed in his hair and came to a stop at the back of his head. For a moment she avoided eye contact, then finally met his gaze. "Nothing solid. There were only flashes and images, some voices...Nothing more." She smiled ever so softly.

"What's bothering you then" His voice was toned with deep concern and his forehead was creased with it.

Aeryn stared at him in silence, and he saw her fear in her eyes. "I'm tired of this, John. I'm sick of not knowing anything, not remembering." She moved her hand down to his mouth and softly brushed her fingers over his lips. "And I don't like not being able to kiss you."

John placed his hand over hers, pushing her fingers firmer against his lips and kissed them. "I know. I don't like it either."

"Help me to understand, John." She pleaded quietly. "I need to know why."

He sighed and pulling her hand away from his mouth, he wrapped his own hand around hers. "Aeryn..." He had to say this perfectly or else he could end up hurting her. He released her hand and moved his to stroke her face. "I've missed you so much...I don't trust myself to just kiss you. And I can't...it just wouldn't be right to do anything until you're fully recovered. I just can't do that, Aeryn."

Aeryn stared at him for a moment before nodding softly. She gently dragged her fingertips over his jaw one more time, then pulled away from him and stood up.

Fear that he had hurt her twisted his stomach into a hard knot. He sat up on his elbow and ignored how cold he now felt. "Aeryn"

She turned to face him. "I want to take more drugs from Noranti."

John sat up completely, his back straight. "What"

"She can make all kinds of drugs, John. Anything she wants. I'm sure she can make me something that would bring back my memories in the correct order quicker."

"No." John shook his head and got to his feet. "Aeryn, we've been over this."

"A _different_ drug from before, John." Aeryn emphasized.

"Drugs are drugs, Aeryn." He stated firmly. "And I do not trust Noranti. You don't know what they could do to you"

"The other one had no side effects, John"

John stepped up closer to her, staring at her straight in the eyes. His voice was low and firm when he spoke. "Aeryn, you have to feed D'Argo. The drugs could affect the milk."

He instantly felt bad for how bluntly he had put it. Aeryn's cheeks went red and she turned her eyes away from him. He knew that she wasn't use to having a baby, and wouldn't be for a while still.

"Aeryn, you can't take any drugs." He repeated softly. "It's not safe."

She made no response and her eyes remained averted from his. After a moment of heavy silence past, she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his waist. John put one of his arms around her waist and brought his other hand up to brush her hair softly.

There were still things that he needed to tell her, things that she needed to know about. But now was not the time. It would have to wait.

**At hearing his footsteps** Chiana's heart skipped and she spun around to face him. When she saw him, a large smile broke out on her face. "Crichton, you're...you're awake."

John smiled at her in return. "Hey Pip."

"When did you wake up" She asked, stepping up to him.

"Last night."

Chiana reached up to touch his face. "I was worried about you. Are you okay? I mean...do you feel okay"

"I feel fine." He answered. "But I need to talk to Grandma and make sure her drug didn't do anything else to me."

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly. "How did she drug you in the first place"

"You know what she's like, Chi. She just blew it in my face."

Chiana nodded and then licked her lips. She seemed a bit nervous...hesitant. "Have you...have you talked to Aeryn"

John nodded. "Yeah. Why"

"Nothing. She was just worried about you."

"Yeah. I know. So where's Grandma"

"In center chamber." Her eyes lit up with a bit of excitement. "You gonna kick her eema"

John smiled slightly. "Maybe. We'll see." He turned and began to walk away.

"Crichton" Chiana called after him. He halted and turned to face her, his eyebrows risen with curiosity. "You uh...you look...you look good. I mean, better. Ya know, since you got some rest."

His mouth curved into a small lopsided smile. "Thanks Pip." He turned to leave again.

"Crichton" She called after him again. John faced her with the same look of curiosity as before. Chiana smiled shyly. "I'm glad you're awake. I mean...it's good to have you back."

"I'm glad I'm awake too." He said with a slightly broadened smile. They stared at each other in a brief moment of silence before John said"Thanks Chiana." His voice was filled with deep sincerity and appreciation.

"No problem, old man. Now go give Wrinkles a hard time."

John chuckled as he turned again and continued walking, heading for the center chamber. And as he walked, he thought about Chiana. She's helped him so much these last few solar days; he might never have made it through all this without her. He didn't have the slightest clue as to how to thank her. If he couldn't find a way, the least he could do is try to vocalize it. He owed her for all she's done. Big time.

Then his thoughts drifted to Noranti. He knew the old woman has only been trying to help. It's just that she hasn't been doing a very good job of it. And her help is always dangerous or causes even more problems. She could be so damn frustrating and annoying sometimes! Still, he decided not to be too hard on her this time. He's been giving her a bad enough time as it is.

When he arrived at the center chamber, he found Noranti doing her usual things; cooking and dancing to her own humming. She didn't seem to notice him. John strode in casually as if nothing was wrong and nothing had ever happened. "Hey Grandma." he greeted with a lighthearted tone.

Noranti looked at him surprised. She did her best to cover it up, which wasn't very good at all, and looked back down at her pot. "Hello Crichton." Her movements had quickened with nervousness.

"How're you doin'" he asked as he reached for some finger food in a bowl.

She didn't even look at him. "I'm fine. Quite fine. You"

"Well, I don't really know. I was hoping you could tell me."

Noranti froze briefly before continuing her work. "What do you mean"

"You know exactly what I mean."

For a moment she did not respond. Then she shook her head. "The drug will not harm you. It has no side effects."

"So why the hesitation"

"I was only figuring out what it was that you were talking about."

"So the drug you blew in my face to put me asleep, it won't affect me in any other way"

"No."

"Look me in the eye and say it." he ordered firmly.

Noranti turned to face him. "No, the drug will not harm you in any way."

John studied her for a moment, then he nodded. "Good."

A brief moment of silence past before she asked"Did my herb help you"

He thought about it for a second and was a bit reluctant to answer. "Yes, it did. But you shouldn't have done that."

Noranti spoke quickly, trying to explain. "Oh but you were so exhausted! It's not good for "

"Noranti" John sharply cut her off and she went silent. "You had no right to force a drug on me. If you wanted to help, you should've just offered it to me as an option."

"Oh but you would not have accepted it"

"You don't know that" he said sharply. "And even if I didn't, it's none of your business." John sighed and ran his hand over his eyes. "Look, Noranti, next time you wanna help with anything, talk to me first."

Noranti silently bowed her head in agreement. John studied her for a while, not sure whether or not he got his point across and if he should trust her. Finally he decided to leave it alone for now and walked away, leaving her to her cooking.

**Aeryn gently rocked the **baby as John had shown her earlier. She had come to be with her child in hopes that it would take her mind off things. But it was doing the exact opposite by reminding her of what her mind still failed to recall. It reminded her of what she had lost, what had been put on hold, and of things that she was not permitted to do.

After all that time of longing to be near him after the other's death, yet so afraid to do so; after remembering all the monens she spent away from him, without him, missing him so badly that it ached in her stomach and was always in the back of her mind; and after all the long arns of watching him frozen and unconscious, realizing how frelling much she loved him, she could not even kiss him. It was such a little thing, but it was something she had missed and longed for for cycles. At least it seemed that way, and felt that way. She understood his reasoning for the No Kissing rule, but then again she didn't. She could understand how it would make him _uncomfortable,_ but that wasn't what he said. No, he said he couldn't and that it wouldn't be right. Perhaps that was his way of saying that it would be uncomfortable for him. John Crichton never was easy to understand.

And she still believed that taking more drugs from Noranti was a good idea. But she would honor John's fears and wishes, and she would keep her promise to him. She would take no more drugs. D'Argo shifted in her arms and let out a small gurgle, drawing her attention. What John had said about the drugs affecting her...she hadn't even been thinking about the baby. It hadn't occurred to her at all, and she felt horrible for it. Surely she had not been so quick to forget the little one before she lost her memory. She would do her best not to repeat the action.

Suddenly a pair of strong and warm arms encircled her waist from behind. She smiled and leaned back against him and he rested his chin on her shoulder. Closing her eyes, she listened to him breathe and thought how good it felt to be this close to him.

"Hi Honey." he greeted softly, his warm breath brushing across her skin and making a shiver run down her back and her chest tighten.

"Hello." she greeted back in a breathy whisper.

"How's Little D"

Aeryn opened her eyes to look at the bundle in her arms. "Nearly asleep. Did you talk to Noranti"

"Yeah." He sounded a bit irritated. "I don't know how much it helped though. That woman never listens to anyone."

"What about the drug she gave you" she asked, a hint of concern in her voice. "Will it do anything else to you"

He softly shook his head and she could feel his chin move back and forth on her shoulder. "Nope. I'm clean."

Aeryn let out a silent sigh and reached one hand back to touch the hair on the back of his head. In response he nuzzled his nose and mouth firmly against her neck and her chest tightened even more, holding her breath back. She could remind him of the No Kissing rule, but she didn't want to. Besides, he wasn't really _kissing_ her...his mouth had only brushed against her neck, that was all.

"Aeryn, we need to talk." John mumbled seriously, his light tone now gone.

Her body stiffened just barely. "What do we have to talk about"

"There are things that I need to tell you about...things I want you to know before you remember them yourself." He paused and then added in a whisper"It'll be easier for you."

Aeryn pulled his head closer with the hand she had on the back of his neck and he responded by tightening his arms around her waist. They stood that way for a few minutes in complete silence before John spoke again, his voice soft and edged with concern.

"Aeryn"

"Hm"

"Something wrong"

She shook her head. "No. It's just..."

"What"

"When all of this started you didn't want to tell me anything because you said it'd be easier for me." she reminded him. "But now you're saying that telling me things will make it easier."

He sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. I just...I've never dealt with anything like this before and...I didn't know what to do and I was scared to hell."

Aeryn softly stroked his hair. "I know. And I should apologize for the way I treated you."

"What are you talking about? Treated me how"

"Saying the things I did...that you're selfish and think you're superior to everyone, and blaming you for everything." She took a deep breath to calm herself. "I had no idea what you were going through. Even if I did, I wouldn't have understood." Her voice was quivering now and she had her eyes closed to keep her tears back. "I'm so sorry John."

"Aeryn, don't...don't be sorry." he whispered next to her ear. "I made bad choices and I deserved everything you said."

"Either way, I hurt you." She bit her lip and swallowed. "I could see it. In the beginning, I didn't know what it was, but I saw your pain. The pain that I causing you."

"No, Aeryn, it wasn't you. It was just the fact of what was happening "

Aeryn pulled away from him and shook her head. "Don't lie to me, John. I know that I hurt you."

"Aeryn..." He bit his bottom lip and shook his head. "You didn't know. You didn't know that...you didn't know anything, and you had every reason for how you acted."

She shrugged. "Maybe."

John walked towards her. "Aeryn, we've been over this. And it's not a big deal "

"It is to me." she said firmly.

"Well we'll talk about it later." He brushed some of her hair back from her face. "But we really need to talk before you start getting more memory back."

Aeryn gazed at him for a moment before nodding. "Okay." She turned to lay D'Argo back down on his bed. As she stood there staring down at him, John once again came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. Putting her arms over his, she leaned back into him. "All right, let's talk."

"No, not here." Her ear was pressed against his neck, making his voice sound like a soft rumble. He released her waist and took her hand. "Come on."

**John wanted to hold** her but he also wanted to be facing her. He couldn't think of a comfortable way to do both, so he went with the eye contact. It would be important during this discussion. He was nervous and he hoped that Aeryn hadn't noticed, although she probably had. There was only two directions this could go; either very good or very bad. It would most likely be the later with his luck. Although...his luck had improved lately. Maybe fate would be kind to him again.

Aeryn sat down on the stool across from him at the small table. She didn't look exactly relaxed herself. She looked a little scared, actually. He couldn't blame her. He wanted to tell her that it would be all right and there was nothing to be worried about. But that wasn't true; quick flashbacks of their argument regarding the lakka and rescuing her from the scarrans reminded him of that. He shook off the memories and looked at Aeryn.

"Before I start, Aeryn...do you even _want_ to know "

"Yes of course I do." She nearly snapped it and it startled him a bit. "Tell me everything."

John nodded, took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "First thing, I need to explain why I...acted the way I did when you came back to Moya. Why I pushed you away..."

"You were angry with me for "

"Aeryn, please" He shook his head softly. "Don't...don't interrupt. Just...let me talk." She nodded and he continued. "The main reason was because Scorpius was on Moya with us. I had to be careful. He was looking for my biggest weakness, something to get me to help him, give him what he wanted...My weakness was you and the baby." He sighed heavily. "So I had to pretend that I didn't love you anymore. I had to be cold."

Her hard expression that she had earlier had now softened, and she looked like she was fighting to hide any emotion. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Finally she met his gaze again, her eyes glossy. "But you were angry with me, for bringing Scorpius here, for not telling you about the baby..."

John rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Aeryn...it's complicated. Things were pretty messed up back then. I wasn't as angry as I was hurt." He felt extremely uncomfortable. They had never talked about this. Ever. And now here they were talking about it when she didn't even have all her memory. He would much rather talk about this with her when she knew everything, with his wife. Although they hadn't talked about the past at all. They had just left it behind and tried to forget. He looked at Aeryn again and his stomach clenched in fear of what he was going to tell her next. "Anyways, in order to make it look more convincing that I no longer cared about you, I..." His voice faded and he couldn't find his voice again.

"You _what_, John" Aeryn ordered harshly, fear just barely breaking the cold cover in her voice.

He averted his eyes from her. He always hated for taking the lakka. And Aeryn had pissed then. She would be pissed now. "I started using a drug from Noranti to help me not think about you."

"You tried to forget about me." She stated, her expression now blank and her voice flat.

Crap. This wasn't looking good. "Yes, but I did it to protect you and the baby, Aeryn."

Aeryn looked away from him down into her lap. She chewed on her lower lip for a while before speaking. "I don't remember that yet."

"I know." he said quietly.

She looked back up at him. "So what else do you have to tell me" Her voice was stronger now and her confident composure returned. But he could still see hints of fear in the way she sat.

John's throat went dry and his stomach tightened even more. "Aeryn, you...the scarrans ended up catching you when you were down on a planet with the girls."

Her eyebrows shot up. "The scarrans"

"Yeah." he said with a nod. When he next spoke, his voice was slightly quivering and it was obvious that it pained him to speak of it. "They knew who you were, about you and me." He paused briefly. "They knew about the baby."

"What did they do to me" she demanded coldly.

John shook his head. "You never told me much. But...I know that they hurt you..." He looked at her, his eyes flickering with sorrow. "You were in pretty bad shape when we found you. They wanted to know if the baby was mine...John Crichton's. But at the time, you still didn't know who the father was." He turned his head away from her. "They didn't believe you."

There was a short silence before Aeryn spoke. "So I was captured and tortured by the scarrans."

He shut his eyes and nodded. "I just thought that you should know, so that when you remember..." He opened his eyes and faced her again, a truly pained expression on his face.

She let out a slow, heavy sigh and nodded. Then she rose to her feet.

Concern instantly shot through his body. "Aeryn"

"I need to think, John." she said softly. "I need time."

He nodded. "Okay. But if you need anything "

"I know." she smiled shyly at him before turning and leaving the room.

Once she was out of his sight, he sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands. For a while he just sat there scrubbing hard at his face. He would like to think that had gone well; but he wasn't so sure. Aeryn had been hard to read. She looked like she was confused to hell and had the crap scared out of her. Or maybe not, he wasn't sure.

Well, at least now she would let him help her through all this. She wanted his help, needed it, and had admitted it to him. Man that felt good to hear. And with relief he realized that this was almost over. He would have his wife back, very soon. He smiled at that thought.

"Crichton"

He sat upright and snapped his head up to find Chiana standing just outside the door. "Hey Pip. What's up"

"I uh...I just past Aeryn in the passageway." she said as she walked into his quarters. "She didn't look so great."

John's heart skipped a bit with worry, but he remained where he was. "Yeah, I just gave her a head's up on some things."

Chiana went still. "Uh...h-how did that go"

"Honestly, I don't really know. She seemed to handle it well but..." He shook his head. "I just don't know."

"Well uh, you might wanna check up on her later. Ya know, just to make sure."

John nodded. "I will. Thanks Chi."

She smiled faintly. "No problem old man."

**Aeryn didn't make it** before the memories came. She didn't bother to take the time to put on the gloves, she just went straight for the red tower. She felt overwhelmed; she didn't even have any time at all to think on what John had told her before flashes, images and voices flooded across her mind. She pounded hard on the triangular punching tower, throwing each punch with more strength than the previous one. Voices were ringing in her ears now, mixed with the things she saw speed past her mind.

**_"Yeah, well, this time I'm pregnant."_**

****She remembered telling..._Chiana_? She had told Chiana that she carried a child. The young nebari was the first to know besides John. Why the frell did she decide to tell Chiana? She supposed it was because she needed to talk, and she had been afraid to talk to John, nor was she ready for that just yet. She didn't want him to know that she did not know who the father of the baby was. That was a big mistake, she should have just told him everything, told him the truth. At least he would've trusted her more. But still, _Chiana_? That had to be the stupidest thing to do!

**_"Could you just...forget that we had that conversation"_**

****Forget? Chiana forget something like that? Not in a million cycles. She remembered clearly the look on Chiana's face when she had said that. Aeryn suddenly felt anger burn inside her; the tralk had told someone! It had been written all over her face. She slammed her fists even harder into the hard cushion.

**_"So, you wanna talk"_**

_**"I appreciate you waiting for this appropriate time and place."**_

****He had wanted to talk, offered it, was willing to listen. Only he picked a really bad time, as usual. He was famous for doing such things. It use to annoy the dren out of her, but she had grown to enjoy his human innocence.

**_"Yeah I got pretty good at waiting."_**

****John had said it with a light tone, but she knew what he meant. She had left him twice, and both times he had waited for her. And the second time she left hurt him the most. His words had hit her then and they hit her now. Aeryn gritted her teeth and swung at the punching tower with even more strength.

**_"I would put my life in your hands, but not my heart."_**

****She had tried to talk to him, explain, make things right. But she was too late, he was already too badly hurt. John had told her that he pushed her away because Scorpius was on board. It certainly didn't seem like that, at least not completely. That may have been part of the reason, but some of it was because he was hurt. She remembered clearly the expression on his face and the tone of his voice.

**_"Just come back when you have your story straight."_**

****Aeryn threw one last punch and then leaned against the tower, catching her breath. Her hands began to burn fiercely and she looked at them. Seeing the broken skin and blood across her knuckles, she cursed. John would not be happy with her for doing this. And he would want to know why she had done it again. At the moment, she didn't really feel like talking to him any time soon. She was a bit confused on how she felt about all this. She knew it was all in the past, done and over with, but still...it was new to her, so to speak.

Deciding to clean and heal her hands, she strode over to the table in the corner. She was just beginning to gently dab at her knuckles with a cloth wet with cleaning liquid, when she heard small footsteps behind her. She spun around to see who it was. "Noranti" It came out more as a growl than she had intended. "What are you doing in here"

"I merely wish to speak with you." Noranti said innocently.

"Then speak."

"I know that your memory is close to being completely restored."

"I have nearly a cycle left. I wouldn't call that close."

"Yes, but from my guess, at the rate you are remembering things, you have only a couple more solar days."

"What's your point" Aeryn asked with impatience.

Noranti took a couple steps forward. "I can help you to regain your memories quicker."

Aeryn shook her head. "No. No, I'm not taking any more drugs from you."

"You don't want to remember quicker"

"John doesn't want me to take any drugs. And I promised him that I wouldn't."

Noranti didn't seem to hear. "My herbs will not harm you. I swear it."

"Maybe not me, but they could " Aeryn stopped and her face got somewhat red.

"It will not harm your child." Noranti said quite seriously.

Aeryn shook her head again. "I don't care. I won't take any more drugs." She turned her back to the old woman to continue cleaning her hands.

But Noranti was instantly at Aeryn's side and swiftly blew a cloud of powder off her palm into Aeryn's face. Aeryn's head snapped back and she stumbled backwards a couple steps. "You _frelling_ old woman" she roared as she rubbed at her burning eyes. Voices suddenly bombarded her mind, whispering, screaming, echoing and overlapping, making her head feel like it was going to explode. She sank to her knees and pressed her fingers hard against her eyes until the stinging stopped and the voices slowly died out. Aeryn blinked a couple times, then opened her eyes fully.

"I'm sorry, I just had to drop some things off to Olivia." That was her own voice, she heard it and felt it in her throat.

John was standing in front of her wearing clothes she had never seen before, and he had an expression on his face that did more than made her uncomfortable. She didn't recognize the place either. It was completely different from anything she had ever seen. Although...it did look a bit like the fake Earth the Ancients had created - oh frell, was this _Earth_? _Real_ Earth?

"No, that's all right." His voice was low and carried a tone she didn't like.

"Do you want me to go back to Moya" her voice asked suddenly.

John didn't meet her eyes as he replied. "We've already talked about this. It's entirely up to you."

"Fine. I'll go with what you prefer." she said it firmly and he finally met her gaze. "Look, I'm not trying to pressure you, John." she said as she walked around the table and stopped a couple paces in front of him. She could feel her body fighting back tears. "I'm actually trying to take the pressure off. Would you - be happier - if I wasn't here on Earth? You don't have to justify it or explain it, just me an _honest_...yes, or no."

Before John could respond, they were interrupted by a voice. Aeryn recognized it as Jack Crichton's voice. The _real_ father of John. He was saying something to her but she wasn't really paying attention. She was too angry that he had interrupted this conversation and wanted him to go away. Finally John said something to make Jack leave them be, and her body lifted her head to look at John again, a stray tear strolling down her face. He was just beginning to step closer to her when it began to fade away. She wanted to scream and grab onto it, but it continued to slip further away. Then it all abruptly disappeared and she found herself back on Moya.

Noranti was kneeling next to her, staring at her with a look of great curiosity. Aeryn narrowed her eyes in a glare. She may have been deeply interested in that memory, but she told the old hag that she did _not_ want any more drugs. Anger suddenly flared inside her and her arm immediately lashed out and she grabbed Noranti's neck in a firm hold. "Don't _ever_, do that again." Aeryn said coldly as she glowered at her with an icy stare. Noranti nodded vigorously and Aeryn released the old woman and got to her feet. Completely forgetting about her hands, she hurriedly left the room.

**With a sigh he **rolled his head back against his shoulders and stared up at the transparent ceiling, but not really paying any attention to the stars. He was sick for some guy talk, man to man conversation. Pilot and Rygel were the only males on board, but they didn't really count. No offense to Pilot or anything, but he wouldn't really have anything to talk about, nor would he really understand what John was going through. Rygel of course, was out of the question. The hynerian had improved on not being so selfish over the cycles, but his top priority was still himself. And Rygel wouldn't really know what John was going through either. He's never cared about anything but himself...not a whole lot anyways.

Closing his eyes, he listened to the soft sounds of Moya. Truthfully, he was bored. He would like to be with Aeryn, but he figured that she would like to be alone for a while. She had told him that he needed some time, after all. He hoped she was doing okay.

In that instant he heard approaching footsteps. He recognized them to be Aeryn's and his heart skipped a beat. He did not open his eyes and waited for her to speak. But there was only silence and he opened his eyes in small startlement when she sat in between his legs and leaned back against him. Before he could do it himself, she pulled his arms around her and held them there, then let out a shuddering sigh.

John's eyebrows furrowed with worry. "Aeryn"

"Hm"

"You okay"

She pulled his arms tighter around her. "Yes I'm fine."

He wasn't convinced, something was most definitely wrong. "Aeryn, tell me what's wrong." he said softly.

She was silent a moment before responding. "I just remembered some things. It's no big deal."

His heart began to beat faster with concern. "What did you remember"

"Just some conversations between us. I don't want to talk about it."

"Aeryn, please" he pleaded quietly. "I wanna help you."

They sat in brief silence before she finally spoke. "I...I tried to explain to you about the baby, about it being in stasis. You...told me that you didn't know how to trust me." Her voice had begun to quiver. "And that you would put your life in my hands but not your heart." She let out a heavy breath. "And then you told me to come back when I had my story straight."

John closed his eyes and swallowed, then kissed her gently on the head.

"You meant it, didn't you" she said suddenly. "You weren't pushing me away just because of Scorpius."

"Yes I meant it." he whispered regrettfully. "But I would've tried harder to work it out if Scorpy hadn't been around." He tightened his arms around her. "I'm sorry."

"_You_ have nothing to be sorry for."

John sighed with some irritation. "Yes, I do. And if you want to insist on taking the blame, then we'll just say that we _both_ have our own things to be sorry for. Fair"

She was quiet a second, going over it in her head. Then she sighed with reluctance and said"Fine. If you insist."

"I do." he announced clearly.

Aeryn began to softly stroke his hand with her cool fingertips. "John, when we were on Earth "

"Hey wait a second" he interrupted. "You remember going to Earth"

She nodded. "Yes, now don't interrupted. I need to ask you something."

John swallowed his questions. "Sorry. Go ahead."

"When I asked you if you would be happier if I wasn't on Earth, before we were interrupted...what were you going to say"

He closed his eyes as the memory flashed across his mind. His chest had tightened with sorrow and regrett, and he swallowed in a dry throat. "I wasn't going to say anything. I was gonna kiss you."

"So you wanted me to stay" she asked somewhat hesitantly, her voice just slightly edged with fear.

"Of course. All I ever wanted was to show you Earth." Then in a quieter voice, he added"I will never forgive myself for not taking advantage of having you there with me. I could have shown you so much..." He pressed his mouth against her head and murmured"I love you Aeryn."

She lifted his hand and kissed his palm tenderly. "I love you too."

He told himself that he should remind her of the No Kissing rule, but he didn't want to. Instead, he brushed her hair away from her neck, revealing the soft skin, and lightly kissed her. He berated himself harshly for doing such, this was exactly what the No Kissing rule was for. But right now, he really did not care and kissed her on a different spot of her neck. Aeryn let out a shaky sigh and wrapped one of her arms around one of his legs that he had up on either side of her. John leaned his cheek against the top of her head and closed his eyes, savoring every second of this moment, not wanting to be any where else than where he was now, with the woman he loves.

_**I have to say, **things have gotten better. Aeryn still seems to be a little upset about the troubles we had in our relationship at the beginning of the cycle, but I think she's gonna be okay. And I did notice that her hands were bandaged again. She must've been using that PK punching tower without the gloves again. And she probably did it when she said she needed some time. If I had known how stressed those memories were gonna make her I would've gone to find her after a while. Chiana told me to go check on her, but I didn't do it. I don't know, maybe I thought I didn't really need too or something. But I think Aeryn's gonna be all right now, after our little talk. _

_She's remembering things quicker, and I'm starting to get more scared. She'll start to remember being a scarran prisoner soon. I can only hope that she'll let me help her and that it won't affect her too badly. We never actually talked about it after we rescued her...I don't really know how much it effected her then. Okay, so I have no idea what we're in for! I'm just worried to hell how it'll go. It's really the only thing I'm really worried about her reliving...except for D'Argo dying. That hit us all pretty hard. And maybe when I almost...well, I wouldn't say I almost died, but when I was out for a while after I stopped the wormhole weapon. That might be a problem for her too. I would like to say how excited I am that all of this is almost over, but I'm far too concerned with how she'll deal with those big things I mentioned. Things have been looking up lately, so I can only hope that it continues to go that way. _


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Author's Note:** Hey everyone! Well, here it is, Chapter Eleven. Second to the last chapter! and John and Aeryn have some more difficulty following the No Kissing rule. Hee hee! Hope you all enjoy!

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

_Her stride was swift **and powerful, and with every step her heart beat harder with excitement. She bit her bottom lip to stop a smile and already she was getting that funny feeling in her stomach.**_

_**She came to the door and found it already closed with the curtain drawn. She glanced down both sides of the passageway, just to be safe, and waved her palm over the door controls and slid under the curtain. Once she was in, she looked up and found him waiting for her with a small smile.**_

_**"You left your comms, right"**_

_**"Of course." she replied as she walked towards him. "You"**_

_**He nodded as his eyes travelled down her body and back up again. As soon as she was in range he grabbed hold of her and spun her around to push her back against the wall. As soon as he had her pressed against it he had his mouth on hers in a hot and passionate kiss. She pulled her legs up to wrap around his waist and pulled him tighter against her.**_

_**When they broke the kiss, their mouths barely even apart, they were both completely breathless.**_

_**"Bed." she gasped.**_

_**"Bed." he agreed. He pulled her away from the wall and quickly carried her to the bed. As soon as they were on it, he was kissing her again. She was already roughly tugging his vest off him when he was just reaching for the zipper of hers.**_

****Aeryn began to feel light headed and her heart was hammering. She remembered it all too well. He had finally confessed to her that he still loved her and told her the reason for his coldness. After that, she could no longer hold in her lust and neither could he. So they had met on one of the unused tiers in an unused cell, where no one would find or hear them and they didn't have to hide their love for each other.

And she remembered the looks they had exchanged when they past each other in the corridors; wanting to say or do something completely silly or flirtatious but unable to. And she remembered the absolutely pointless arguments he would start with her in front of everyone just because it was his new way of flirting and for his pure joy of making it up to her later. And sometimes they had met in Pilot's den for a quick kiss...or a long, lingering one. It was actually rather fun, keeping it a secret from everyone and having to abandon their comms at night so that they could meet on their abandoned tier. She remembered it all so very well.

She was incredibly thankful that her back was turned to John at the moment, so that he would not see the blush that had creeped across her face as one of their secret late night meetings played out in her mind. Although it might've been a bad thing that he was in the room at all, as such memories were making her crave him even more by the microt. She tired to push those memories and thoughts aside, but she couldn't. Now would be a very good time to get some more, _different_ memories back to distract her.

As if on cue a short scene flashed quickly through her mind. Although it wasn't the sort of different that she was looking for...

**_"It's big. It's taking over your room."_**

_**"Okay, tell them we're not coming. We're gonna stay. We'll watch TV, we'll eat popcorn, we'll act like normal people."**_

****A wide smile spread across her face.

"What're you smiling about" came John's voice. He was now standing right beside her.

Aeryn shook her head. "It's nothing. I was just thinking."

He looked down at what she was doing. "Having fun"

"Not particularly." Her voice carried some slight annoyance. "I don't think he likes this."

Just then little D'Argo let out a whine and slapped his fists into the water. Small droplets splashed onto the two of them and Aeryn let out a heavy, exasperated sigh while John chuckled.

"Why don't you do this" she asked as she glowered at him from the corner of her eye.

"You said you wanted to."

"I change my mind." she announced, looking back at their child in the tub of water. "I want you to do it."

He smiled at her. "All right. If you say so." Taking the wet cloth from her, he carefully began to clean the baby. A couple seconds later, D'Argo let out aloud cry and his face scrunched up as he let out short bursts of cries. "Uh oh, I think he's hungry." John stated.

Aeryn instantly went stiff. "Um...just give him some of that baby food."

"Aeryn, I know you're still uncomfortable with this, but have a little sympathy. The only thing he's been eating is that crap since you...Look, if you really dont' want to "

"No, John, it's not that. It's just..." She stopped and took a deep breath.

His voice came from right behind her, firm with concern. "It's just what, Aeryn"

Swallowing, she turned to face him. "Noranti...I told her that I would not take any more drugs, but she blew it in my face anyway."

He didn't respond immediately. He opened his mouth, moved his jaw back and forth at a loss for words, then shook his head. "That woman really needs to be spaced." He looked at Aeryn, then back at their child who was swinging his fists and feet in the air. "All right" he began, turning back to Aeryn. "I'll give him some baby food."

"I'm sorry." she said as she stared at the floor. "I told her not to "

"It's not your fault." he interrupted as he took a step towards her. "Aeryn..." she didn't move and her head remained bowed as she stared at the floor. John gently took her chin and tilted her head back up so that he could look her in the eyes. "It's okay." he whispered.

Aeryn smiled faintly, and her gaze slowly slid down to his lips. The memories of those secret late night meetings came flooding back to the front of her mind, and her mouth began to burn and tingle at such a clear and fresh recollection of the way his mouth felt and tasted. Her lips suddenly felt dry and she ran her tongue over them. John seemed to find that amusing and a small grin broke out on his face. She smiled back shyly, wondering if he knew what was on her mind. He would find out soon enough. Frell his stupid rule.

She took a step closer to him, closing the space between them and pressed her hips against his. She had half expected him to stop her or pull away, but instead he planted his hands on her hips and slowly leaned his face closer to hers. Her breath had caught in her chest and she could feel his warm breath on her lips. And right as she tilted her head to close the last inch between them, D'Argo let out a gurgling cry. They froze, mouths only a half an inch apart, and they both sighed heavily. Aeryn's sigh had been one of irritation, but she couldn't tell what John's was for.

He pulled away from her and went to their son. As he carefully picked up the baby, he began to talk softly to him. "Hey little guy, it's all right. Shhh...I _know_ you're hungry. Sorry, but you're gonna have to put with the baby food again." He smiled at his son and then turned to face Aeryn. "I'm gonna head up to center chamber to feed him. Wanna come"

She averted her eyes from him and nervously cleared her throat. They nearly broke the No Kissing rule. They would have, had it not been for their son. She was a bit embarrassed. "Um, no you go on ahead. I...I have some things I need to do."

His brow creased slightly with worry, but he nodded in comprehension. He began to lean forward again to give her a parting kiss, but stopped himself short. Aeryn could just see the wheels turning in his head and hear a voice nagging at him about the stupid rule. John smiled somewhat shakily and cleared his throat. "Right. Well I'll see you later then."

She only nodded in response and he stepped past her to leave. She remained still, listening to his retreating footsteps and soft croons to calm their son. She smiled until she could no longer hear him, and there was nothing but the quiet sounds of Moya. Aeryn took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her head hurt; memories were scratching at her brain, desperate to get out of their locked spaces. And she was just as eager to see them. She needed to walk.

**John sat down with** a heavy sigh of relief. He looked at his son who was now sound asleep in his arms. "You are a pain in the ass to feed, Little D." D'Argo only shifted around in his blankets in attempt to get closer to his father's warm chest. John smiled fondly. "Although I can't blame you for prefering the other place you eat over the baby food."

His smile slowly faded as his thoughts went to Aeryn. She had told him that she had things to do; he knew what that meant. She needed some time alone is what she was really saying. Which must've meant that she had just remembered more of her life. He wasn't too worried. She didn't look deeply bothered or anything. It was actually probably something good, guessing from how freaking close they had come to kissing. He was somewhat ashamed of himself for not stopping it himself. That woman was like a magnet; once she had her hips pressed firmly against his he just could not pull away. He was the one who set the rule and he wasn't even doing a good job of following it. He had actually felt like their own two week-en old son was their chaperon when he had interrupted with his loud cries.

"I guess it was a good thing you were there." he said with a sigh to his sleeping son. He wasn't exactly sure that they would have stayed in the boundries of just kissing, what with the way she had her lower half pressed against him and all. He tried to think of what she might've remembered to make her act that way so suddenly. And when it finally clicked, he smiled sheepishly. He closed his eyes and replayed one of their many secret meetings in his mind.

**_Aeryn roughly pushed him down on the edge of the bed and sat in his lap. Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him hard and thorough. He placed his hands on the small of her back so that she wouldn't, by any chance, slide off his lap._**

_**She pulled back from the kiss just barely to come in at a different angle. He used this opportunity to speak. Or at least he tried. "Aeryn " But her mouth was on his again and her tongue was insistently tugging on his upper lip. She broke off again to reposition her mouth. John tried to speak again. "You left your comms, right"**_

_**"Yes." she mumbled just before kissing him again. She slid her hands across his chest and under his vest to quickly pull it off.**_

John let out a heavy, trembling sigh and swallowed. It seemed so long ago to him. To her it was brand new and fresh. He envied her somewhat for that. He ran his tongue over his lips, the memory of the way her mouth felt and tasted faintly lingering on them.

D'Argo stretched in his arms, bringing him back to the here and now. Then he went still in sleep again.

He heard Chiana's voice at the door. "Hey Crichton, what's up"

John lifted his head to look at her and smiled faintly in greeting. "Ah nothin'. I was just feeding the little guy."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Isn't that Aeryn's job"

His smile broke out into a toothy grin. "Yeah, but she didn't wanna do it. So I had to. Feed him the baby food, I mean."

Chiana was smiling now as well, and she sat down next to him. "Why didn't Aeryn wanna do it? Is she still uncomfortable about it"

His smile faded and he shook his head. "No, it's not that. She's okay with it now."

"Well then why wouldn't she"

John now wore a very serious expression and he moved his jaw around a bit before answering. "Noranti forced one of her drugs on Aeryn and...we don't know if it'll affect her...body fluids."

Chiana looked a little uncomfortable. "Oh..." And after a couple passing seconds, she spoke again, this time with a hint of a smile on her lips. "Wrinkles really needs to be spaced."

He smiled again. "That's what I said."

Her face lit up. "Well we all know that Rygel wants to space her too, and Aeryn wouldn't mind." she smiled mischeviously. "We should just do it."

John looked at her and for a second he thought she might actually be serious. But he saw the playful glimmer in her eyes and he chuckled.

Chiana looked down at the baby. "Can I...can I take him for a while? I...I miss him." she admitted it with a shy smile

"Sure Pip, no problem." He carefully eased D'Argo into her arms. "If he gets hungry, just give him some baby food. It'll probably take a couple arns for the drug to get out of Aeryn's system."

She nodded. "Sure thing old man." And smiling down at the baby, she turned and walked away.

**Aeryn's pace was quick** as she walked aimlessly through the corridors. She had her arms folded to keep her hands from shaking, but it wasn't helping very much. Her brow was furrowed and she had been chewing hard on her bottom lip. Her memories had gone from sweet and passionate to dark and frightening.

They always talked about being captured and tortured during her training. Peacekeepers were bred and trained to resist torture and be fearless of it. She had been captured and tortured before and had seen it done to comrades, but nothing she had ever experienced was like the fragments she was seeing now. She couldn't understand why the Peacekeepers didn't train their soldiers to resist scarran torture, when the scarrans were the largest and most dangerous enemy of the Peacekeepers. If perhaps the Peacekeepers had no way of training their soldiers against such treatment, they should at least teach them the scarran's tactics and what to expect. All she ever knew was that scarrans were brutal and bloodthirsty barbarians. Those words didn't seem to be descriptive enough for what she was remembering.

And she wasn't even remembering very much. But what little she saw scared her immensly. She remembered being in a dark and cold cell with nothing but the clothes on her back and the floor and the bars. There was no sound but for her own breathing and her own voice as she prayed to a God that she never believed in and didn't even know if she existed. There was no company except for her own memories of her friends and the man she loves more than anything, and of course the occasional visit from a scarran and a short sebeacen female. And there had been a deep aching in her stomach from hunger and from longing for John as she continued to pray diligently to this God for any help at all or a sign that John was coming for her. And she remembered clearly the searing pain of the scarran's ray of heat, burning her face and rippling through the rest of her body, overheating and weakening her rapidly.

The voices rang loudly in her ears, echoed in her mind. Sometimes they'd be so clear it was as if they were right beside her and she would whirl around only to find nothing. And sometimes they would sound like whispers, hissing and venomous, making the hairs on her neck rise and send cold shivers crawling across her skin and down her spine.

**_"Where is John Crichton" "What do you know about Crichton's wormhole research" "Only Crichton. Only ever Crichton." "I've saved you." "Thank you for doing this with me." "Is the child John Crichton's" "You haven't listened, and you haven't helped. And I'm running out of time.""Unless I get answers that please me, you will be next" "Something to help you sleep." "In here, talk's all you've got." "Good. Then I orphan no one.""I didn't know Peacekeepers had a God." "Wait a minute, you're not giving you're taking" _**

****She came to a stop and put out a shaking hand to rest on one of Moya's golden ribs. She needed to know she was here, safe, she needed something to keep her in the here and now, in reality. But after resting her forehead against the rib for a while, she realized that Moya was not enough. She needed something with more warmth, something softer, something with a soothing smeel and something that could hold onto her and make her feel. She needed John.

**He drummed his fingers** on the table as his impatience and concern grew. It had been a half an arn since he returned from the center chamber, and it had been well over an arn since he last saw Aeryn. He was getting worried.

Just at that moment he heard footsteps just ouside his room and he looked up to find Aeryn. Relief washed over him and he felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and the knot in his stomach loosened and began to disappear. He smiled at her as he stood up. But she did not return the smile. Instead she walked straight to him and put her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. His smile disappeared as confusion and concern took over, and he encircled her with his arms.

Gently pressing his mouth into her hair, he murmured"Aeryn? You okay"

He felt her entire body expand as she sighed slow and heavy. "I am now." she said softly into his shoulder. "Where's D'Argo"

"Chiana's baby sitting him." he answered. Then in a softer voice, he said"Baby, what's wrong"

"Nothing." She tightened her arms around him. "I just want to be with you."

"As nice as that sounds, I'm not buying. What's the matter" When she made no immediate response, he was afraid he had pushed a little too much.

"I don't want to talk about it right now, John. I just want to forget." Her voice was a quiet plea, and it nearly broke his heart.

He hugged her tighter. "Okay Honey, that's fine. Just...just tell me this...are you starting to remember...being a prisoner" She only nodded against his chest. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Okay" he said in a whisper. "Come here." He gently lead her over to the bed. They laid down facing each other and John began to softly rub his fingers over her jaw.

After a while, Aeryn spoke, quiet and hesitant. "John, could you..." She licked her lips and swallowed. "Could you kiss me? Just this once..."

His hand went still on her face and he gazed at her in a moment of hesitation. Screw his damn rule. His wife was hurting and she was asking for comfort, and he was going to give it to her. Moving his hand from her face to her waist, he scooted closer to her and kissed her ever so tenderly. He very slowly pulled back from the kiss, his lips lingering on hers for a while longer. Then he softly brushed his nose across hers, and then pulled back just enough to look at her.

Aeryn had small tears on her face and she gave him a watery smile. "I didn't think you'd do it."

"You want and need comfort, Aeryn. There's no way I'm not gonna give it to you." he said softly. "Besides, it shouldn't be dangerous. I'm not really in the mood for sex, and I seriously doubt that you are."

She smiled shyly. "That would be the best distraction, actually."

He swallowed. "Okay, this is a dangerous topic. We need to stop."

Her smile broadened. "Sorry." He had that little grin that made her heart skip, and she reached out to gently trace his lips. Her heart skipped even more when he closed his eyes to enjoy the feel of her fingertips. "Thank you, John." she whispered.

He opened his eyes and they glistened with so many things; love and curiosity mainly. "For what"

"For everything. For giving me a life, for helping me through all this dren. For loving me."

"Couldn't help myself." He said with smile. Then his smile faded a bit, and more seriously he said"Thanks for putting up with me during my first cycle. I know I was an annoying pain in the ass."

She smiled again. "It wasn't so bad." Suddenly her hand went still against his mouth. She closed her eyes and her brow creased.

John's heart jumped with concern. "Aeryn"

Biting her lip, she opened her eyes again. She smiled shakily. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure? What happened"

"I'm find. I was just seeing some quick memories, flashes...voices..." She moved her fingers across his lips again. "Nothing to worry about."

That was a lie and they both knew it. But he could see how tired she was and he could see her fear of these new memories that she was trying to hide. He didn't want to push her. Placing his hand over hers, he stilled her fingers so that he could lightly kiss them. "I'm here for you, Aeryn." he whispered against her fingertips.

He looked at her and her expression made his chest tighten with deep pain and sorrow. She looked so frightened and vulnerable...yet so incredibly relieved that he was there with her. He bit his tongue and swallowed in attempt to hold back the hot tears that were just beginning to burn his eyes. Releasing her hand, he reached for her head to gently pull her to him. She snuggled up tightly against him and put her head under his chin. Closing his eyes, John slowly ran his hand through her hair. He could only hope that he'd be able to ease her pain at least a little.

**Listening to him breathe** was soothing. It always was. She had absolutely no idea why, it was just another one of those things about John Crichton that she could not explain. It always calmed her and made her feel safe. She didn't even have anything to compare it to. Everything about John Crichton was like that.

His breathing could not lull her back to sleep again, however. It was the voices that had wakened her. She had woken with a jolt and immediately felt John's arms tighten around her. Being conscious did not make the voices go away, it only made them softer. A cold shiver ran up her spine as they whispered in her ear and she pushed closer to John. She wished he was awake, but she would not waken him for her own selfish purposes. He had been so tired, and she did not want to make him worry. He's been doing enough of that.

The voices came stronger now, and with them came images. It was as if her memories knew when John was asleep and bombarded her. This wasn't working, she couldn't sit still like this, she needed to move. She very carefully pulled away from John and watched him a couple microts to be sure he was asleep. Then she quietly walked out of the room into the corridor. She walked quickly, her destination being the exercise room. But the farther she walked away from the room, away from John, the stronger her memories became. One lept on her without warning.

**_"How did you know we planned to kidnap Grayza"the scarran growled as he kept his heat probe directly on her face._**

_**Her body had been slightly convulsing and she felt herself weakening. The heat was overwhelming her quickly. She tried to speak, but her throat was dry and she was weakening still. "I...I just..."**_

**_"_**Again**_" the scarran snarled. "_**How**_ - did - you - know"_**

_**She tried to speak again, but it was difficult to think now. And her throat felt as if it were closing shut. "...accident..."**_

_**There was sound behind her like a door opening, but she barely took notice of it. Then she heard the female sebacean's voice. "Captain Jenek, stop"**_

_**"The patient is disembling, she will "**_

_**"No! I know why she's reacting like this! Stop"**_

_**"Do not interfere"**_

_**"She's with child"**_

_**Instantly the pain stopped, and the heat that had spread throughout her body was slowly cooling. Her body went lax and her eyes fell completely shut as consciousness slipped from her.**_

_**"Scarran heat probe will kill a pregnant sebeacen." came the female's voice.**_

_**"With child..." the scarran echoed thoughtfully. "Well she was close to Crichton, was she not"**_

****There was a sudden shot of throbbing pain in her head and Aeryn halted to brace herself against one of Moya's ribs. Her breathing was hard now, and the clear recollection of the heat had caused her to perspire. She pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead and tried to calm her breathing.

John had told her everything that happened, but it wasn't easing the shock any. They found out about her child...they knew she was close to John..._frell_. Taking a deep breath and swallowing, she pushed away from the wall and began walking again.

Voices and images continued to echo and bounce around her head. She tried to block them out, but it was no use. It seemed that the harder she tried to ignore them, the louder and faster they came. She quickened her pace, wanting desperately to get to the excerise room. She needed to hit something, she needed to relieve her stress and anger, distract herself.

She only made it a few feet before another memory played clearly through her mind.

**_"And that won't hurt the embryo"_**

_**"No. This will just pry the truth out of her."**_

_**She mustered up some strength to talk, but her eyes remained closed. "No, don't use that." she said weakly. "I won't lie to you I'll just tell you what you want to know." **_

_**"You wouldn't lie to me" asked the nurse.**_

_**She barely managed to shake her head.**_

**_Instantly there was a sharp, piercing pain in her arm. The pain remained there for a microt, and when it was finally removed she let out a heavy grunt. She opened her eyes and glared at the nurse. "Yes of course I'd lie to you, you _**stupid**_ bitch" She spat it with as much venom as she could, which wasn't very much at all because of her weakened state._**

_**"Aeryn, whose child is inside you" the nurse asked calmly.**_

_**She fought against the drug that was already beginning to cloud her mind. "Yours."**_

_**"Whose - child" the female repeated.**_

_**"I don't know."**_

_**"Is it John Crichton's" the scarran asked in a low growl.**_

_**She tried to speak again, but it only came out as an indecipherable mumble. **_

_**"Is it his" the scarran asked again, his voice thick with anger and impatience.**_

_**"I don't...k-know."**_

****She stopped walking and leaned against the wall again. A hot shudder ran down her body, causing her to release a shaky sigh. Sh elicked her lips and then bit down hard on her bottom lip. Pictures flashed rapidly in front of her eyes and voices rang loudly in her ears. "Go _away_." she growled through gritted teeth. She stood up straight and began walking again.

The scarran hadn't cared about the truth. He just wanted to hear that the child's father was John. But at the time, she didn't know who the child belonged to. She didn't know why the scarran wanted the baby if it was John's, but she could guess. To use it as bait, as a bargaining chip, to make John do anything they wanted. And they weren't going to stop until they heard her say the baby was John Crichton's.

The voices flooded her head again and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Just go the frell away" she snarled, and stood up straight to continue walking, determined to not let herself be defeated by recollections of the past.

But the memories would not leave her alone and continued to tug at her mind. A searing wave of heat shot through her body and she fell to her knees.

**_"You lied" the scarran snapped angrily at her ear. "We found record of Vendrall DNA. Your embryo is not the product of one of Vendrall's sons"_**

_**"Well Lechna lied to me" she yelled in desperateion for him to believe her lie.**_

_**"There is not Lechna"**_

**_"There _**is**_ Lechna" she insisted, tears now streaming down her face._**

_**"Leave her alone" screamed a female voice from the other side of the room.**_

_**"Give her more" the scarran barked at the nurse.**_

_**"I've doubled the strength." she informed him.**_

_**She turned her head as best she could to look at the female sebacean. "No, please" she begged.**_

_**"Again" the scarran ordered.**_

_**"Stop it" screamed the other female voice. "She's telling the truth"**_

_**"Again" the scarran repeated in a snap.**_

_**"No, please don't" she yelled at the nurse in desperation.**_

_**The nurse glowered at her, and lifting the drug injector, she roughly jabbed it into Aeryn's arm. Aeryn let out a grunt of pain and more tears slid down her face.**_

_**"You'll kill the child" the other female hollard.**_

_**The scarran leaned over Aeryn, his eyes bearing down on her. "Is John Crichton the father of your child" he asked once more.**_

_**"Ive already told you. It's Lechna's. Not Crichtons." she replied in a weak and trembling voice. "How many times do I have to tell you? I knew Lechna before I went onto Moya. I was on Moya to watch Crichton. And as soon as I left, I went straight back to Lechna." The sobs she was holding in shook her body. "I have never...ever loved John Crichton." She shook her head and added in a whisper. "I never loved him."**_

****Aeryn's whole body was shaking now, and hot tears were pouring down her face. She felt hot and sick and weak. Trembling, she crawled over to the wall and curled up between two golden ribs. Bringing her knees up, she hid her face in them. The voices were quieter now, and softer. But they still echoed in her ears, tormenting her. She wrapped one arm around her legs and pressed the other against her head, silently begging the voices to stop. The sobs she was holding in began to escape and she shook even harder.

"Aeryn"

She had barely heard his voice, over taken by the ones whispering in her ears. She didn't even know if it was real.

"Aeryn..." There was a soft and warm touch on her shoulder. Slowly she lifted her head and her heart lept with joy and relief at seeing him. Already the voices were fading away. She was so happy to see him that more tears slid out of her eyes. He looked deeply pained and he gently ran his fingers across her cheek to wipe away her tears. "God, baby..." His voice died and he looked as though he were at a loss for words. He slowly and carefully pulled her to him and she clung tightly to his vest, crying into his neck. His strong and warm arms embraced her tightly, calming her shivers and trembling. "It's okay, Aeryn, it's all right. You're here, you're safe." he whispered as he gently rocked her. "I'm here, Aeryn, I'm here. I'm so sorry...so sorry Aeryn."

She didn't know what he was apologizing for, but she couldn't bring herself to ask. She held on to him tighter and let him chase away the haunting images and voices that were tormenting her.

**Chiana heard hurrying footsteps** and looked up in time to see John run in with a troubled expression on his face. He didn't even take notice of her and went straight for the food and drink containers. She watched him for a microt as he fumbled with containers and his expression became more and more panicked and flustered.

"Crichton" she said softly, trying to get his attention. "You okay"

"I'm fine." He slammed down the container in his hand and looked at her. "Where the hell is the raslak"

Chiana merely pointed to a bottle on the table. She watched him rush over to the table and snatch up the bottle. "Crichton, what's going on"

"Nothing." he replied quickly as he unscrewed the cap to look inside.

"Well why do you need raslak so badly" she persisted.

John closed the bottle after making sure there was plenty of raslak inside. "It's for Aeryn."

"Aeryn" she repeated with confusion and a bit of concern. "Well why does she need it"

He looked at her with extreme irritation. "Because she asked for some and I'm all out."

"Crichton...wh-why are you acting like this"

"I'm not acting like anything." He moved to step past her.

She snagged him by the arm and he looked at her with anger and annoyance. "What's wrong, Crichton? Is Aeryn okay"

He stared at her in silence, working his jaw. Then he bowed his head to look at the floor. "Aeryn...she's remembering being a scarran prisoner."

Chiana stared at him in silence for a moment before swallowing and speaking. "Is...is she...is she all right"

He bit his lip and nodded. "She's gonna be okay. She's just...scared."

She smiled uneasily. "I don't blame her."

"Hey, Pip" He was looking at her again. "Where's Little D"

"Right there." She turned and pointed to a bundle of blankets on the table. "He's sleeping."

John nodded softly in acknowledgement. "I'd stay, but I "

"Get back to Aeryn." Chiana said softly. "She needs you."

He gave her a soft smile before turning and hurrying out of the room.

**When he made it** back to his quarters, he found Aeryn sitting cross-legged on the bed. She was staring hard at her hands which were in her lap. She didn't seem to notice him. Watching her, he felt his heart sink. He didn't want her to hurt or be afraid anymore, she's had enough.

After licking his lips and swallowing, he walked into the room. "Hey, got some raslak for ya." he reported as he poursed some into a cup. He turned to face her; she watching him with a blank expression. His concern deepened.

He walked over to her and sat on the edge of the bed. He held the cup out to her and she took it without hesitation. She took a couple sips, then held the cup down in her lap and stared into it.

"How did you know where I was" she asked in a quiet voice.

At first he wasn't sure what she meant, but then it donned on him. "When I woke up and you were gone, I...I was worried. I checked the center chamber and command and the maintenance bay, and I was headed for the exercise room when I found you."

Her brow was mildly furrowed. "I'm sorry, I just...I couldn't sleep."

"No, it's all right." he said ever so softly. "Don't apologize." He gently ran the back of his fingers slowly up and down her arm.

Aeryn smiled faintly at his touch and she turned her head to look at him. Their eyes met and held in a short silence before Aeryn leaned foward to kiss him. And he didn't stop her or break it off, he just opened his mouth to her and his stomach fluttered when he gently ran her tongue over the roof of his mouth. He responded in kind before slowly pulling back and leaning his forehead against hers. For a while they sat there listening to each other breathe. Then John leaned back enough to look at her and softly caressed her cheek. She leaned into his hand for a minute, then took it in both of hers and tenderly kissed his palm.

He stroked her face as he said softly"You should get some rest." She nodded and he took the cup from her and turned to stand up.

"Stay." It wasn't a question or a plea, it was a demand masked with a gentle voice.

John smiled faintly at her. "Of course."

Aeryn laid down on the bed and he sat on the floor beside her. She studied him for a while with a small, warm sparkle in her eyes. Then her eyes slowly fell closed and he stayed at her side, never once taking his eyes off her face.

**Ten minutes later, she** was fast asleep. He was glad that she was actually getting some rest. He hoped she wasn't having any bad dreams right now. She's had enough of that crap for one day. He just wanted her to get past the scarran torture and move on to other things.

John had expected that remembering being a prisoner of the scarran's would trouble her, but he didn't think it was going to affect her as badly as it did. When he found her in the passageway like that...it felt like someone had run him through with a knife. It had taken him nearly half an arn to get her to calm down. And even once he was able to walk her back to their quarters, she had still been shivering and a couples she had pulled away from him with terror written all over her face. It hurt so much so see her like that, and just thinking about it made his stomach twist into a tight knot.

He watched her now with a furrowed brow as he gently stroked her hair, careful not to wake her. He wasn't going to move from this spot while she was asleep. She wanted him to stay and he damned well was going to!

This situation reminded him all too well of when he had brought her back to Moya from the scarran vessel, when they had rescued her. She had awoken with a jolt as he laid a blanket over her, and the first words out of her mouth had nearly made him sick with concern and pain. Asking him if this was real had told him a lot about what she had been through. She had asked him to stay, much like she did only a few minutes ago, and he had happily complied; both times. He softly grazed his fingertips over the soft skin of her temple, thinking of the things she had said to him back then, what little she had told him about her time in the hands of the scarrans.

**_She had closed her eyes when he kissed her palm and he had felt her shiver. He looked at her and she opened her eyes to look at him again. He pursed his lips and swallowed, pain tightening his chest. He rubbed his fingers over her hand, forgetting that he still had this gloves on. He wanted to feel her skin, and he could tell that she wanted to feel his. He let go of her hand to pull off his gloves and gauntlets, tossing them to the floor. Then he gently took her hand in his again. She felt hot and her hand trembled in his, he knew that wasn't good. But when he looked at her, she was smiling faintly at him. She shifted her hand to press her palm against his and intertwined her fingers with his. He lifted his other to stroke her hair._**

_**"I was so worried about you." he confessed in a whisper.**_

_**Her smile turned into a frown from holding back tears and she pulled her hand away from his to touch his face again. Her eyes were glassy as she gazed at him and tenderly stroked his face. "I thought I'd never see you again..." her voice was barely audible. **_

_**He had felt the same, but there was no way he was going to tell her that. He slightly shook his head. "I wasn't gonna give up, not ever. Not until I found you."**_

_**Her frown turned into a watery smile and the tears slowly rolled out of her eyes down her temples. "I knew you would..." she said, and it was apparent in her expression that she did not want him to think that she had no faith in him. "I just...I was starting to...to lose hope."**_

_**"Aeryn..." He moved his jaw around for a second, then licked his lips. "What did they do to you"**_

_**Instantly her eyes snapped shut and she inhaled sharply. "They..." she let out a trembling breath and her eyes remained closed. "They wanted to know who...who the baby belongs to."**_

_**His stomach dropped and his breath caught in his chest. It was because of him...she suffered because of him.**_

_**She opened her eyes and blinked a couple times. "They didn't care...they just wanted to hear that it's yours."**_

_**He fought hard to keep threatening tears back and he bowed his head. "I'm so sorry, baby." he whispered. "I'm so, so sorry." He took her hand off his face to hold it tightly and kiss it again. "So sorry..." he whispered one more time into her hand, his voice just beginning to shake. **_

****Chiana's voice broke through his thoughts and pulled him back into reality. "Crichton"

John pulled his hand back from Aeryn's face and turned to face Chiana. "Hey Chi." he replied in a soft voice so as not to wake Aeryn. "What's up"

Her eyes went to Aeryn, then back to him. She slowly walked in. "I just...I just wanted to see how she's doin'." She looked back at Aeryn. "Is she okay"

He looked at Aeryn and let out a sigh. He didn't really know what to say. Finally, he shook his head. "I dunno, Pip. She's pretty scared right now."

"Sh-she'll get through it." Chiana said shakily.

"I know." His voice was a low rumble, barely quivering, filled with sorrow. He felt Chiana's eyes on him but he didn't look at her.

"You okay old man" she asked.

John glanced at her and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She stroked the back of his head once. "Don't worry so much, Crichton. You'll age faster."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

He heard Chiana's quiet retreating footsteps and all his attention went back to Aeryn. His heart skipped a beat at seeing that her brow was now furrowed and her breathing had quickened. He sat up straight and put his hand over hers again. He watched her, waiting, hoping that she was okay. Then she shifted slightly with a small jolt and her mouth parted. "No..." she breathed out in a whisper. Then louder, in a whimpering voice"Don't, please...leave my child alone..." She rolled her head over to the other side.

"Aeryn" John said softly to her.

Her voice was louder now. "John? John...don't leave me..."

Immediately his heart hammered and he leaned closer to her. "Aeryn" he called with more urgency.

"Please, you can't do this" she nearly yelled it, startling him back.

John planted his hands on her shoulders firmly to keep her from struggling. "_Aeryn_"

She jolted and her eyes snapped open and she instantly got up on her elbows. For a split second she stared at him with cold anger and hatred. Then it melted away to reveal her fear.

"Aeryn..." he started softly. "It's okay. You're on Moya and you're safe. It was just a dream."

Aeryn swallowed and glanced around before her eyes rested back on him again. Her breathing was still quick and her shoulders tense.

He swallowed hard. "Honey, it's all right." he softly ran the back of his fingers down her face.

"You rescued me." Her voice was weak and watery.

He smiled ever so faintly and nodded. "Yes, yes I did."

She shut her eyes and a heavy sigh of relief shook her body. When she opened her eyes again she gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry."

"Don't..." John shook his head. "Don't be sorry." He leaned towards her and kissed her gently on the forehead. When he looked back at her, he continued to stroke her face. "Are you all right"

Aeryn nodded. "Yes." She smiled gently at him and lifted her hand to brush her fingers over his mouth.

But he could see that she was still shaken and his stomach swelled with sorrow. "I'm here, Aeryn." he murmured against her fingers. "I'm here. You're gonna be all right. You'll get through this, I'll help you through this."

"I love you, John." It was a small whisper and he had barely heard it.

He smiled softly again and placed his hand over hers to press her fingers harder against his lips so that he could kiss them. "I love you too, baby. So much."

_**I hate this universe **so frelling much. I hate the Peacekeepers, I hate the scarrans and I hate wormholes. Aeryn never deserved to be captured and tortured by anyone for any reason, and she most definitely doesn't deserve to have to relive it so clearly like this. And it's all because of me and my frelling damn wormholes. If it weren't for me, she would've never had to go through any of that. I could have stopped it, I could've stopped it all. Damn I hate myself right now._

_Aeryn doesn't have much left to remember, but I don't feel like it's almost over. I feel like we've got a million years left to go. And this last week has felt like eternity. Life sucks. And so does fate. None of this was suppose to happen, we were done with all this crap. We were suppose to live happily and raise our son. Sure there are gonna be bastards out there who are gonna feel like causing us helpless people on a leviathan some trouble, but other than that, there wasn't suppose to be any problems. _

_God, I just feel so frustrated and pissed right now. I really need to relieve some stress. Maybe I should try out Aeryn's PK punching tower thing. That must help, since Aeryn uses it so much. Or maybe I should just go and visit Little D. That kid seems to melt away anything but love and joy. I hope he keeps that talent when he gets older, boy that'd be nice. Hell, I just...I should be feeling better, I should be happy that this is almost over and I'm finally allowed to tell Aeryn that I love and that I can hold. But I don't feel good at all. I dunno, maybe it's because Aeryn's going through a bunch of crap. I hate it when she's anything but perfectly happy and normal. It's driving me nuts. Frell, I just can't for all of this load of dren to be over and to have my wife back. She's so close...so close..._

Well there it is! What did you think? I hope you all liked it! Chapter Twelve won't be so sad...I don't think. Um...maybe it will be...I dunno! LOL But it's the last chapter so it'll have a happy ending, of course. And there will be an epilogue along with the last chapter, I'll post them together, like the way I posted Chapter One and the Prologue together. Anyways, I'll try to get it up as soon as possible. Like next Saturday maybe. Thanks all for reading and leave feedback please!


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Title: **Remember Me  
**Rating:** PG-13 (Just to be safe

**Author's Note:** Oh no! LOL Hey guys, thank you all for being so patient...I mean, nice, about my little delay. I seriously did intend to have this up by last Saturday. But I got a bad cold and I've been feeling very below 50 good. Well, anyways, I hope it feels like a conclusion to the story for you guys, and I most certainly hope you enjoy it!

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

**She smiled as she** stared at the ring that she held between her fingers. She hadn't told him yet that she remembered how she got it. It had all come to her while eating lunch. He had been suspicious, however, when she repeatedly went completely still as more gaps filled in. It was actually rather cute the way he had been worried. He barely touched his food and kept shooting her concerned looks. She knew it drove him nuts when she didn't talk to him, but she wanted it all back before she anything about new memories. Sort of as a...well, a surprise. She just hoped that by doing so he wouldn't kill himself by worrying so much. He was already getting anxious and edgy.

Her smile broadened at the recollection of their lunch together only an arn ago. They had eaten in silence, which irritated him immensely. he never did like long silences. He had fidgeted around a bit, played with his food, drummed his fingers on the table and finally spoke. **_"God, Aeryn, this silence is killing me. Could we please talk about something?"_** She had made the suggestion of bringing their son in and that he would make plenty of noise. He didn't look as though he liked that idea. Something had obviously been on his mind, otherwise he wouldn't have been so agitated and squirmy. She figured that it was probably due to the fact that they haven't had a real conversation since last night. He hadn't been able to take it for very long, though. **_"Come on, Aeryn! Talk to me!" _**She had looked at him with a slightly confused expression and asked him what he would like her to say. When he just gave her a look of utter frustration, she had leaned forward and kissed him lightly. That had shut him up immediately.

She heard approaching footsteps behind her and quickly jammed the ring into her pocket. She pretended not to notice him and went back to cleaning the prowler part on the table in front of her. As his footsteps drew closer her stomach became more and more warm and melting. She swallowed nervously and tried to calm her breathing again. The first thing she felt was his warm breath on her neck as he peered over her shoulder. "What are you doing?" came his voice next to her ear, quiet and a bit lazy.

"What does it look I'm doing?" She tried to concentrate on what she was working on rather than how close he was standing.

"Does that really need cleaning?" he asked. "It looks fine."

"If it didn't need to be cleaned, I wouldn't be doing it." she pointed out calmly.

He made no response. Instead, he slowly slid his hands down her sides, making her shiver, and rested them on her hips. She swallowed and tried to ignore him and the sensations he was evoking in her body. She reminded herself of the reason and purpose of the No Kissing rule, but then it came to mind that perhaps he was ready. She held her breath as his mouth just barely skimmed over her neck and shoulder. He pulled her against him suddenly and gently nipped her neck. Her eyes fell shut and she breathlessly whispered his name. He turned her so that they were facing each other and backed her against the table, his hands still on her hips. He began to nibble along her jaw line and she tilted her head to give him better access. She exhaled deep and tight as she lifted her hands to his hair. His mouth left her jaw, brushed softly over her cheek and came to a stop at her mouth. His lips were hot and tender as he sank into her mouth, his tongue carefully tasting and exploring, the kiss being slow and thorough. Just when she was about to deepen it, he pulled back.

Aeryn felt her stomach clench with disappointment and she opened her eyes to look at him. His brow was faintly furrowed and he swallowed hard. When he lifted his eyelids to meet her gaze, his blue eyes were bright with a mix of heavy reluctance and deep desire. He slowly ran his tongue over his lips, making her want to kiss him again.

Finally in a quiet and slightly husky voice, he said, "This is exactly why I made that damn rule."

She moved one of her hands from his hair to caress his face. "John, if you want it, if you're ready for it, then why not?"

"Because I know I'd regret it afterwards." he said truthfully.

To tell him everything she recently remembered, their soft nights together making love and his proposal to her in the boat, was on the tip of her tongue. She knew it could possibly change his mind, but she didn't want to take any chances and decided against it. He was watching her with a worried expression now. She leaned toward him again to lightly rub her nose against his in order to let him know that it was okay. He must've gotten the message because he let a slow and light sigh and placed his hand over hers. He pulled her hand off his face to softly kiss her knuckles, then he took a couple steps back away from her.

He moved his lips around as he stared at her. He looked as though he might change his mind and kiss her again. But he only gave her his crooked smile, a hint of an apology in it. Then he cleared his throat, averted his eyes from her and had an almost embarrassed expression on his face. "So uh, have you gotten any more of your memory back?"

"No." she answered with a shake of her head. "At least not much. Just quick snippets. Nothing I really understand."

John had his tongue barely sticking out between his lips with a ponderous yet disappointed look on his face. "All right, well uh...just, let me know as soon as you remember anything."

Aeryn swallowed in a dry throat. "I will."

His mouth quirked into that little grin of his that always did funny things to her stomach and she nearly told him everything. "I'm gonna go check up on our son and make sure he's not giving Chiana too much trouble."

She only nodded with a smile. They gazed at each other in silence, and she could see the unspoken words in his brilliant blue eyes. Her smile broadened and she fought to keep it from stretching too wide. For some reason he looked amused a bit pleased with himself. And without a word and still smiling, he turned and walked out of the maintenance bay.

Aeryn watched him leave before turning back around to face the prowler part on the table. The ring seemed suddenly heavy in her pocket and felt like it was burning through to her skin and she began to wonder if she should stop her little plan and just tell him everything. He could get angry with her for keeping it all from him. She knew how important it was to him to know how her memory was progressing. Suddenly feeling stressed and frustrated, she shut her eyes and leaned against the table, trying to sort it all out.

**John walked to Chiana's** quarters whistling. It wasn't until he heard raised voices that his happy resolve disappeared. He halted to listen.

"_Get out_, Wrinkles!"

"I'm only trying to help!"

"I don't _want_ any help, and I don't need it!"

"But just let me - "

Chiana's voice rose over the old woman's in angry shouts while Noranti continued to calmly speak without stopping. John rolled his eyes and wondered what they were fighting about this time. It was when he heard the scared and upset loud cry of his son that his heart nearly stopped. In a flash he was in the room and yelled over both their voices. "What the _hell_ is going on here?"

The two females instantly fell silent and stiffly turned to face him. He hurriedly pushed past them to reach for D'Argo. Once John began to gently rock him and crooned to him quietly, D'Argo calmed down. When his son was finally completely silent, he glowered sharply at both woman. "Now what's going on?" he asked quietly but firmly.

Chiana nearly jumped to explain, speaking speedily without stopping once. "Well I was just in here taking care of your little guy and Wrinkles came in here to tell me what to do! And I don't think she knows a frelling thing about babies and I don't trust her at all and she's really frelling annoying!"

John stared at Chiana in silence with a small expression of amusement.

Noranti then spoke up to defend herself. "I have lived for over a hundred cycles and I know a great deal about children. I was only giving her advice and trying to share my knowledge!"

"All right, Grandma just..." He pursed his lips, thinking of something to say. "Just go away."

"But Crichton, I -"

"_Noranti_." he said in a low growl, accompanied by a sharp glare.

She shut her mouth and bowed to him before quickly leaving.

Chiana let out a small shriek of frustration as she tossed her head. "We should've never let her stay on Moya. We should've spaced her a long time ago!"

He smiled at her and then looked down at his son in his arms. "So how's he doing?"

Her expression turned gentle when her eyes went to the baby. "He's perfect, as always. How's Aeryn?"

"She's uh, she's good." he said with a nod.

"Has she gotten any more memory back yet?"

That triggered his frustration and he sighed. "No. Just more small things."

"So...she still doesn't remember anything past when we saved her from the scarrans?"

"Nope."

"But...but it's been over five arns, Crichton!"

"I know." Something seemed to be bothering her and it was beginning to irritate him that she wasn't saying anything. "What, Chiana? What's the problem?"

Chiana suddenly looked frightened and she nervously licked her lips. "Well uh...what...what if...what if she doesn't get any more back? I mean, what if she never remembers the rest of it?"

John clamped his teeth down tight and his eyes became icy. "That's not going to happen. She's going to fully recover, she's gonna remember everything."

She nodded and looked down at the floor, looking rather regretful that she had brought it up.

He watched her and his heart sunk with sorrow. He knew that's she's been having a hard time herself. He turned to lay the baby back down on the bed and kissed his forehead. Then he turned back to Chiana and drew her into a warm embrace. He didn't say anything, he just closed his eyes and held her, hoping that he could comfort and help her like she's done it for him countless times; especially this last week. His worry deepened when she clutched to him tightly and her body began to tremble. He stroked her hair and gently rocked her, wanting to ease her pain.

**Aeryn walked toward her** prowler with the finally cleaned part in her hand. Earlier she had a bounce in her walk, but now it was gone. She was still thinking about John and whether or not her plan was a good idea. It had been on her mind for the last arn now, arguments and reasoning bouncing back and forth across her brain. The one that she had told herself repeatedly was that he would be too happy that she had all her memory back (once she actually did and told him so) to be mad at her for hiding it from him. But that wasn't enough to convince her. A couple times she almost called him over the comms to have him meet her so that she could tell him. But she never ended up doing it.

Climbing onto the back of her prowler, she got herself into a comfortable position and began putting the prowler part back into place. As she worked she thought about what had happened earlier. Sure they had broken the No Kissing rule with a couple little kisses, but it felt like it had been cycles since he had kissed her like he did in the maintenance bay. Just thinking about it made her entire body tingle.

**_"Yes and no, they did help us put you back together."_**

She went completely still. Where the frell did that come from? She remembered that she and John had been attacked while out on the boat -

**_"They said it was an accident. You were crystalized"_**

Crystalized? And how the frell could it have been an accident? It was a direct hit! She remembered her heart hammering in her chest and clutching tightly to John, kissing him deeply.

**_"Sixty days, any regrets?" _**

"No, it's going really well."

"Hey, we're gonna get married!"

Aeryn smiled at John's loud and joyous announcement to everyone. She had never in her life even thought about marriage or a life long mate. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring. She remembered that while on Earth, she had learned much about human customs. She rather liked their idea of the rings. She carefully slid the ring on her finger, and as she did so the recollection of John putting it on her and then kissing it played through her mind. Her smile broadened as she stared at it.

**_"Everything is gonna be okay. Do you know why? Because we're done. We're checking out. Phinito. Next Ferengi we see, we run. No questions later. From this moment on, my one concern, my life, is you and our baby."_**

His one concern...his life...was her and their baby. Her smile widened even more. John Crichton made her feel so many things, and none of them could she explain. She hoped she made him feel just as good.

**_"Doc doesn't know what you're talking about, there is no baby."_**

She nearly fell off her prowler. No baby? What the frell? That wasn't right!

**_"He says you never were pregnant."_**

**_"She was pregnant! You...you_** were **_pregnant, right?" _**

"I was pregnant!"

Never pregnant? Her throat and chest felt tight now and she felt light headed. She closed her eyes and pressed her palm to her forehead. No baby...never pregnant...so what had happened? Her child was here on Moya now, so what - She sat bolt upright with wide eyes. It had been in Rygel? Her baby had been inside a hynerian! Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and slowly let it out to calm herself. It was all right, D'Argo was here now, alive and healthy and safe.

**_"We get married." _**

"What?"

"Yeah."

He had startled her with that. Not that they were really doing anything else, but it hadn't seemed like a good time for a wedding. And having to walk down to him in front of everyone with Noranti throwing her little flower pedals in the air had been more than irritating and somewhat embarrassing. It wasn't until the ceremony started that she had calmed down enough to enjoy it. But of course, fate had to keep its habit of interrupting.

Aeryn bristled with anger. Of course it had been Scorpius, chasing John all over the universe and putting him through endless dren. She was sick of it and she was sick of Scorpius. She remembered that as she stood beside John, her fingers had itched with the urge to grab her pulse pistol and put a pulse blast to Scorpius' head. That would've ended all their problems, or at least it would've freed John from the frellnick. She hoped with the deepest bitterness and hatred that Scorpius had died. If not...was he still after John now?

Panic shot through her and she nearly jumped off her prowler to go find John to discuss this. But she kept herself from doing so and finished up putting the prowler part back into place. She climbed down to the floor and with a sigh, leaned her forehead against the prowler. She stayed that way for a while as gaps filled in and more memory came back. One memory sent a blast of longing surging down her body.

**_"I can't believe it's been two monens." she said as they walked into their quarters. _**

"Blink of an eye for us." John replied as he waved his hand over the door controls and pulled down the curtain. When he turned back around, she was watching him with raised eyebrows and a small smile. "What?"

"You have something in mind?"

He returned her smile and walked over to her. "We were in thousands of pieces for two months. Gotta make sure all my parts are workin' right." He looped his fingers around her belt and pulled her to him.

There were footsteps in the distance behind her and she stood up straight and turned around. John had just walked into the maintenance bay quick-paced. He had an expression on his face that discomforted her. He looked like something was deeply troubling him. She hated that look, it made her stomach knot up and always sent concern pulsing through her body.

John halted when he saw her and stared at her with what looked like sorrow. She waited for him to speak, but he said nothing.

Aeryn raised her eyebrows. "John? Is something the matter?"

"Uh...no." He shook his head. "No, I just...wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Is there a reason I wouldn't be?"

"No...it's just..." he stopped and wiped his hand over his mouth. "It's been over five arns, Aeryn. You should be getting more of your memory back."

She froze and her breath caught in her chest. She felt panic rising in her stomach and she didn't know what to do. She didn't want him to worry so much like this...

John was now watching her with an even more worried expression. "Aeryn?"

"I am remembering things." she said abruptly.

"Images and voices don't count."

"That's not what I meant, John."

Before he could reply, she held up her left hand for him to see the ring on her finger. He stared at it in complete silence, his lips slightly parted. And when his eyes shifted from the ring to her, she felt her legs go weak from the amount of emotion that was in his eyes.

When he spoke, his voice was a quivering whisper that she barely heard. "Aeryn..." He softly shook his head and his mouth quirked into a small, lopsided smile. He strode over to her, put his arms around her waist and rested his forehead against hers. They stood in silence for a while before Aeryn spoke softly.

"John, why were you worried about me?"

He shifted slightly and gently moved his head to brush noses with her, keeping his forehead against hers. "I was worried that maybe your brain had been permanently damaged...that you weren't going to fully recover."

In his last few words, his voice had just begun to brake. It sent pain down to her stomach and she lifted a hand to caress his face. She felt extremely guilty, and part of her wanted to tell him about her little plan, but the other part of her was too afraid. "I'm sorry." she whispered.

"What for?" he whispered back.

"For making you worry."

He gently rubbed his nose over hers again. "Not your fault."

Guilt tightened in her stomach and pulled herself closer to him, bodies pressing together. She let out a small and silent sigh and just enjoyed his warmth and scent. And quite suddenly images, voices and memories bombarded her, flooding into her mind. Her brow furrowed deep as she let it all pass through her mind. At certain points, it all would slow down, then speed up again. She didn't realize that she was now holding tightly onto John. He was speaking, but she didn't hear him. Only the voices in her ears.

**_"I find it disturbing that humans and sebeacans can propagate together."_**

"Aeryn? You okay?"

**_"I promise you, you will never be reunited with your baby."_**

"Aeryn?"

**_"Yes you did. Everyone wants to see the great big wormhole weapon."_**

"Honey?"

**_"And that is the sound of our ship Moya under pressure."_**

"_Aeryn_!"

**_"Your water just broke. That means the baby's coming."_**

"Aeryn, Honey, _please_..."

**_"Oh I think you've done enough already. If this were a sebeacan child, a pure one, this would've done long ago. So how long is this going to take?"_**

She snapped back into reality with a jolt and John instantly had his hands on her face to keep eye contact. "Aeryn, Aeryn, it's ok." She took a few deep breaths and swallowed hard. He expressed a look of deep concern as he studied her. "Aeryn...what...what did you remember?"

Warm tears blurred her vision and she suddenly couldn't breathe. She opened her mouth, but she could not find her voice. Finally, she managed to speak with a trembling, quiet voice. "D'Argo...he...he died..."

Just the mere mention of it made John's face contort with even more pain and sorrow. Without a word, he drew her to him in a tight and warm embrace. And as he held her, he gently rocked her, calming her and soothing her trembling body.

**Aeryn was on her side**, watching him sleep. He had fallen asleep before she had, and she was far too restless to do so herself. It was well into the sleep cycle, and not long after John had fallen asleep did more memories come back to her. And ever since she remembered seeing him crumble and hit the floor motionless...she hadn't been able to take her eyes off him. She had spent the last arn memorizing every detail of his face, they way he breathed while sleeping, the way his skin felt...she hoped her feather light touches to his face wouldn't wake him. She bit her lip and fought back strong tears.

She had nearly lost him. She had thought she did. And when he had woken, there was no describing what she had felt. She hadn't been able to keep herself from kissing him repeatedly, and had barely kept her hormones under control when he wanted to shower and eat. As soon as they had returned to their quarters, however, she had begun to plant insistent and demanding kissed all over his face and neck. He had been hesitant and concerned that perhaps she had been injured from giving such a painful birth. But it hadn't taken her long to convince him she was fine.

And she had been so relieved to the point of tears when he had told her that he was now free of any wormhole knowledge and Harvey. Which also meant he was free of Scorpius and Grayza and the scarrans. She had mentioned to him that since he now knew nothing of wormholes, they would never find Earth again. He hadn't seemed very disappointed, as he responded with his small lopsided smile, stroked her hair and kissed her lightly.

Reflecting back on the last few days, pain and guilt throbbed in her chest and knotted up in her stomach. She had put John through so much dren...she had said so many things to him...she even had tried to leave. Tears burned even stronger in her eyes and she bit down harder on her bottom lip. She wanted to take it all back, everything. She wanted to wake him up and make love to him until neither of them could function anymore. She wanted to apologize to him for everything, but she didn't know how.

It suddenly occurred to her that Chiana has been John's support during all this. She knew that he wouldn't be able to deal with something like her losing her memory on his own. Chiana had been there for him, had been his rock and the person he confided in, and had even watched over D'Argo. While Aeryn was beyond incredibly grateful for this, she couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy.

Aeryn knew that she would never be able to fully express her appreciation for Chiana supporting John, but she had to try. Carefully sliding away from John so as not to wake him, she stood up from the bed and quietly padded out of the room to head for Chiana's quarters. Aeryn didn't know why she decided to do this now, being in the middle of the sleep cycle and all, but she felt a strong urgency to at least thank Chiana. She only hoped that the young nebari was awake. Aeryn figured that she most likely was; not only was she still taking care of D'Argo, but she hadn't been getting must rest, if any at all, since the war ended.

She was just a few paces away from Chiana's door and was deeply relieved when she heard the nebari crooning softly to the baby. She watched from the doorway for a moment before speaking. "Chiana,"

Chiana turned her head to look up at Aeryn. While looking mildly surprised, she greeted her. "Hey Aeryn. What's up?"

"May I come in?"

Chiana's smile widened a bit. "Of course."

Aeryn walked in and sat down next to Chiana on the bed. "How's he doing?" she asked quietly, looking at her son cradled in Chiana's arms.

"Good. You wanna hold him?"

Aeryn did ache to hold her son, as she had only two weekens with him before she lost her memory. But she knew that if she held him now, she wouldn't let him go for at least a couple arns. "Actually," she looked back up at Chiana. "I wanted to speak with you."

"W-what about?" Chiana asked, looking suddenly nervous.

"Well I suppose I should first tell you that I have now fully regained my memory."

There was a silence as Chiana stared at her stunned. "Y-you mean...you remember everything? Your memory's back?"

Aeryn nodded.

"Uh...d-does Crichton know?"

"No, not yet." Aeryn answered. "Chiana, I know that this has been a very difficult time for him, and I know that you've been helping him. I want to thank you for being there for him and helping through all this."

Chiana gave Aeryn a small shy and embarrassed smile. "Well I...ya know, I...there was no way I wasn't gonna. And besides," her smile wavered slightly and the bright sparkle in her eyes died. "I had to fill in for D'Argo. I know Crichton would've gone to him a lot." Her smile became tight and she looked away from Aeryn and bowed her head.

Aeryn didn't know what to say or do. She decided that it would be best to leave Chiana alone for now. "Well, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it."

Chiana only nodded.

After a moment of silence, Aeryn rose to her feet and quietly left.

**Before he even opened **his eyes, he knew she was gone. He couldn't sense her or feel her warmth or smell her scent. His heart jumped with panic and worry as he recalled the last time he woke up to find her gone. Suddenly wide awake with adrenaline pulsing through him, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

It was then that he heard light footsteps and he twisted around to face the door. When Aeryn came into view, relief washed over him. Yet he was still concerned as to her reason for getting up. She halted when she saw him watching her and smiled. There was something in her eyes that gave him that familiar funny feeling in his stomach.

"Hey, where were you?" he asked as she walked over to him.

"Talking to Chiana." she replied, her lips still quirked into that smile.

He arched an eyebrow with growing curiosity. "About what?"

Aeryn sat in his lap, facing him, and didn't say a word. Instead, after gazing directly into his eyes for a brief moment, which strengthened the sensation in his stomach, she leaned forward and kissed him. The kiss was soft but insistent and it was making John's heart race. After a short period of tongue dueling, John pulled back.

"Aeryn - "

"It's okay, John." she interrupted in a whisper. "I remember."

He pulled back a little further and gazed at her with a half hopeful, half confused expression. They stared at each other in dead silence for a moment before he spoke. "You...you remember what?"

"Everything. All the way up to the point when I caught heat delirium."

John's breath snagged in his chest and he studied her with slightly parted lips and he was completely still. She was back...she remembered it, all of it. His wife was back! He felt so shocked and yet so happy he couldn't move or breathe or think. Hell, he could probably faint!

"John?" Aeryn's voice pulled him back, and she was watching him with a mildly knitted brow.

He leaned forward to slam his mouth down over hers so fast it was nearly a lunge. He encircled her waist with his arms and hugged her tightly while she planted her hands on either side of his head. Every push of the lips or flick of the tongue sparked more passion, but it ended all too soon; Aeryn abruptly pulled back.

John opened his eyes and looked at her with deep concern and confusion. Her eyes were closed and her brow was creased. He lifted his hands up to cradle her face and brushed her dark hair back. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Her eyes snapped open and he was startled to see tears in them. "I'm so sorry, John." she said in a trembling voice. "I treated you so -"

"Honey we've been over this." he interrupted, his voice gentle.

Aeryn shook her head. "Stop it, John. Stop lying to me. I know that I hurt you so much..." Her voice died away and more tears gathered on the rims of her eyes.

John was silent as he gazed at her, his brow creased with sorrow and pain. He slowly ran his fingers over a strand of her hair and then gently curled the end around his fingers. "It was painful to see what you were going through. That hurt the most."

She brought her hands up to his hair and his eyes instantly fell shut. Small tingling sensations ran from his skull down his neck and spine, and the feeling in his stomach strengthened even more. A small moan escaped his lips and he whispered her name.

"Oh God, Aeryn..." he continued quietly. "I've missed you so damn much." He opened his eyes half way to look at her.

She was smiling a small smile and her tears had just slipped out from the corners of her eyes. "I know."

John took hold of one of her wrists and pulled her hand down to kiss her palm. "Aeryn, it's okay." he mumbled against her skin. "I'm fine. I couldn't be any better, now that you're back." He released her hand to softly run his fingers over her jaw.

Aeryn took hold of his vest with both hands and pulled him in for another kiss. John felt a bit frustrated because he wanted to get her down on the bed, but being in the position they were in, that wouldn't be very easy. He considered standing up to just climb onto the bed properly, but he knew his legs wouldn't work right now. Aeryn solved the problem for him by pushing him down onto his back, her mouth still on his. He rolled over so that she was beneath him and broke the kiss to nibble at her collar bone.

"You are never going anywhere without me again." he mumbled into her skin.

She laughed softly. "Is that so?"

"Yes."

"And what are you going to do? Protect me from monsters with Winona and cure any heat delirium that I may get?"

"Baby I'd do anything for you." His lips were now brushing along her neck, his hot breath spreading over her skin and tickling her.

Aeryn's smile widened. "I know that. But I'm trying to figure out what you coming with me would change."

"For one thing," he started after placing a kiss on her soft skin. "I would be very well aware of your temperature."

"I was plenty aware of my temperature." she said defensively.

He kissed the spot just below her ear. "If you say so..." Then he gently latched his lips onto her neck. When he released her skin, he said "But I'm still coming with you, whenever you leave Moya."

She let out an irritated sigh. "Just shut up, John, and kiss me."

John smiled before leaning down to press his lips to hers in a firm and deep kiss.

_**Hell I'm so happy** I can barely write! I don't even know what to write. I'm just so incredibly, unbelievably happy that Aeryn's finally remembered everything. I mean for cryin' out loud, it's been over a week! I know things got far better towards the end, but still...I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to keep going. _

So much has happened these last few days, I feel overwhelmed. Oh well, I'll have to sort it all out later. I haven't exactly had a whole lot of thinking time the last few hours...

Aeryn said that there are things we need to talk about. I think I know what she means, and even though I don't like it, I agree. There's just so much crap we never really had the time to go over and work out. As much as I'd like to forget it all and leave it all in the past, talking would probably be best. There are certain things that I've tried to forget completely, thinking about it now makes me feel sick. I know I should tell her but...I'm not sure if I'm going to.

And man, if it weren't for Chiana...I dunno. I always had hope and I knew that Aeryn would fully recover, but there were times when I lost all hope and I just felt so incredibly low. If I didn't have Chiana to help me out I'd probably be one hell of a mess right now. I'm so deeply grateful for her love and friendship. I hope she knows that. I should tell her when I get the chance, Aeryn's been keeping me pretty busy...not that I mind or anything.

I think Aeryn's waking up now...

**EPILOGUE**

**He couldn't explain it**, but she was different. The others probably would never notice, but he did. It was something that he could just see and sense. It was a very subtle change, but it was there. And it wasn't necessarily bad or anything, it was more like...He didn't even know how to describe it.

This entire experience had opened old wounds and reminded both of them of the things they had never talked about. Things that they obviously needed to discuss. So they had talked, between the 'naps' and the 'meals' and the showers...Three days straight of frelling and talking.

And now, sitting behind her in her prowler, strong temptations were working at him. Leaning against her and softly running his lips over her neck, he moaned. "Aeryn, I don't think we had enough time."

"We had three solar days, John." she reminded him, her voice all business. "That was plenty of time."

"No, it wasn't." He slid his hands down her sides and gently nipped her neck.

"Frell, John!" she hissed and slapped one of his hands away. "I'm trying to fly, stop it!"

He smiled and chuckled against her skin. "You know you like it."

"Not while I'm flying my prowler." she growled. "Why can't you keep your hormones under control?"

"Me? Hey, I wasn't the one who -"

"We are not talking about that!" Aeryn snapped. He saw a light shade of blush creep up her neck, making her skin hot. He smiled.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Aeryn. It was kinky, and I liked it."

"I said we're not talking about it." she repeated firmly. "This is a short trip, John. We're just going down to this planet to restock our food supply. You can wait until we get back."

"But it's been too long, Aeryn." he mumbled against her neck.

"It's barely been two arns."

"Too long." He nipped harder at her neck and she responded with a shuddering sigh and leaned back against him.

"Why did you have to come with me?" she groaned.

John's voice lost it's light hearted tone when he replied. "You know why."

"Yes, I know." She regretted bringing it up. She pushed his wandering hand off her stomach. "Stop it, I have to land now."

He left her alone long enough for her to land the prowler. But as soon as the engines powered down, he had his hands back on her hips and was exploring her neck with his mouth once again. Aeryn leaned to the side in attempt to get away from him.

"Stop it, John." she growled.

"It's your fault."

She twisted around to look at him with an arched eyebrow. "My fault?"

"Yes, you're distracting me."

"Oh really? And how am I doing that?"

He smiled slightly. "Baby you're _always_ distracting me."

John caught the smile that had just started to tug at her mouth before she faced forward again. "We'll have to discuss this with further detail later." He heard the smile in her voice, despite it's firmness. And his smile broadened at her words, knowing what they meant.

Aeryn pushed a button and flipped a switch which made the cockpit rise open. She climbed out and John followed. Once his feet touched the ground, he took a look at their surroundings. They had landed just outside a busy market place, the streets crowded with people. He wrinkled his nose with discomfort but decided not to say anything about it.

Glancing over at Aeryn, he asked, "You okay?" He hoped he wasn't being too obvious.

"Yes I'm fine." she replied as she checked her pulse pistol before placing it back in it's holster. "Let's go."

Biting his lip, he followed her. As they walked to the busy market streets side by side, he nervously reached for her hand. He was expecting her to pull away, knowing that she was irritated, but instead she interlaced her fingers with his and held his hand firmly. He smiled a little with relief. He knew that she had been somewhat annoyed with him ever since they left Moya. He figured that she felt like she was being baby sat, and he knew that she hated that.

When they made it to the market, he tightened his hold on her hand so that they would not be separated. They pushed their way through all kinds of people for a while before John pulled Aeryn into an empty side street.

"How the hell are we suppose to find the food store?" he shouted to Aeryn over all the loud noise.

Aeryn shook her head. "I had no idea it was like this. If we do find any food, we would never be able to get the crates through all these people."

"Maybe we should leave and find another planet." John suggested.

She shot him a look of pure annoyance.

"Okay never mind." he said quickly. "Well maybe Chiana's having better luck."

Just then Chiana's voice crackled from Aeryn's comms. "Aeryn? Crichton?"

They quickly walked back further into the empty street, away from all the noise.

"What is it, Chiana?" Aeryn responded.

"I found a place. Lots of food, all kinds, real cheap."

"Where are you, Pip?" John asked.

"The settlement not far from you guys. I'm gonna need some help loading this stuff."

"All right Chiana, we'll be there shortly." Aeryn said before turning to John. "Let's go."

He stopped her by the arm. "You said shortly."

"Yes. Your point?"

"Not immediately." he clarified, sliding his hands under her long coat to rest them on her hips. "We don't have to leave yet."

Aeryn couldn't help the smile tugging at her mouth. "And why would you want to stay?"

John gently pushed her back against the wall. "Oh, I can think of a couple reasons." he breathed over her lips before softly nuzzling his nose with hers.

"You can't be serious." she said with disgust that was hiding a smile in her voice.

"I am."

"Here?"

"What's wrong with here?"

"Well for starters, it's a public market that is filled with a lot of people. In case you didn't notice."

"I did." he mumbled against the skin on her jaw. "But there's another empty alley around the corner.

"Chiana's waiting for us, John."

"Yeah. So?"

"It'd have to be quick."

"I can do quick." he murmured, his lips brushing over her ear.

A wide smile broke out on her face, and grabbing hold of his jacket collar, she pulled him back to that empty alley around the corner he had mentioned.

IT'S OVER! AAAHHH! Well, what did you guys think? Was it a good last chapter and epilogue? Was that enough fluffiness and shippiness and kissiness for you all? And I have another story on the way, I'm already well into Chapter One, so keep an eye out for it! It should be up in a couple days, maybe tomorrow, maybe Saturday...or maybe later. Thank you all again, you guys rock!

HRS


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